


Girl of Night

by EijaSage



Category: the GazettE (Band)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:06:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 57,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29007276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EijaSage/pseuds/EijaSage
Summary: Ruki has been lonely for a while, he even started to think his relationships were cursed. But Uruha could not accept it, forced the fate for Ruki to meet with his dream woman.Kaya is a young woman who is scarred by past experience that keeps her from moving on. Can Ruki push her forward?
Relationships: Ruki (the GazettE)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a native English speaker so I make mistakes. I hope they will not kill the joy of reading. I am also not a long time writer so these are mostly experimental.

Ruki gave his coat to a man in a suit and was escorted down a long corridor. He was late as usual. Very, very late. Why was it that Uruha was always having such big parties? There was always way too many people, people that he did not know. Drunk people, loud people. Also, how many parties was Uruha supposed to have in a span of two months? This was the third one and they were always too big. Were these all promotions for his work? He looked around and spotted him at the other end of the room talking to his musician friends.

He started making his way through the crowd and he was so close to making it there when he heard a woman's laughter. There was something with the laughter that got his attention, warm, friendly, full of life and most importantly flirty. He would almost call it a sexy laugh. Funny enough, it did not sound forced, whoever it was, he was sure that it was the way they laughed naturally. He tried to identify the owner and found her when she laughed again. It was not so hard because all the men had turned their attention her way.

He could not see her face, only her dark blonde wavy hair, almost brown. She was standing with a group of people, mostly men. He changed his tracks to get a better look, he was now really intrigued and wanted to have a face to the laughter. He made his way through the crowd but he could only see her back from the point he was standing. A black see-through shirt and black trousers. He could see the hook and the lace details of her bra but not the face. He stood there waiting for her to turn around but she never did. In the end, she walked off with her friends not turning around even once. He shook his head and started walking towards Uruha again. What was he expecting anyway? A girl who would turn heads like that would not even look at him probably.

When he reached Uruha, he found him smirking. 

Ruki: What are you smirking at? 

Uruha: About how predictably late you are and how you were watching my guest. 

Ruki: I was not watching anyone. 

Uruha: Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Welcome by the way. 

Ruki: Sorry about being late. Work.

Uruha: Well, you made it at least. I have a few people I want you to meet, would be good for your business connections. Then I have a woman I think that would be so perfect for you. Your dream woman. 

Ruki: You know you sound like a pimp and I am not sure who you are pimping out.

Uruha chuckled and gave one of his beautiful smiles. No wonder he had become a model. 

Uruha: Well, this time, I am pretty sure she is your dream girl. Blonde, blue eye-- Not blue but coloured. 

Ruki: Really is just a fantasy girl at this point, no? 

Uruha: Trust me.

Ruki: Like the last few times I trusted you? I will pass. Anyway, where are the guys? 

Uruha: Ah, first business. 

Uruha pushed him towards a group of people he had not met before and started introducing Ruki and his business. Uruha was a natural agent, born for it. Funny he was not doing that as his job. He accepted his help and talked with various people introducing himself and his business for a while. When he felt he had given all his attention for that night, he decided to look around for Reita.

He would be the loudest of his friends and therefore, the easiest to find. Then he remembered the blonde that had turned everyone's heads. Something in him shouted at him to find the girl. So he did. His eyes searched for her again but without a face, it was hard to identify her. Blonde was a popular hair colour. Just as he had decided to let it go, he saw her again. 

She was talking with Reita's girlfriend, they looked close. He sat at the bar with just a few people between them. He just wanted to get a glimpse of her face, if all the men in the room were watching her, she must have been pretty and at this point, it was just pure curiosity. She was sitting at the bar, her face turned towards him but her eyes focused on Miyo. 

He understood immediately why people could not look away from her. She had beautiful almond-shaped light coloured eyes. Contacts maybe? Her skin was flawless, white with pink undertones, high and defined cheekbones. She had bold red lipstick on her wide, full lips. She looked half Japanese and half European. Maybe American? Who knew. If that was her real nose, she had one pretty nose. "Shit she is really pretty", he thought to himself. He could not take his eyes from her. Should he dare? He shook his head, it really would be fruitless. He decided to walk away now he had seen her. He knew he would have regretted it if he had not searched for her and it would have haunted his dreams. But now, he had seen her it did not make it any better. He hurried and found Reita, Kai and Aoi sitting down in a corner with some musicians, the world he knew.

He knew he would get distracted enough there to forget about the woman and he was right. Before he realised, it was after midnight and half the guests had left the venue. Miyo was now also sitting next to him, her friend gone. 

Ruki: Miyo, can I ask something?

Miyo: Ask ahead perv. 

Ruki: Pe- How am I a perv? 

Miyo: I have been to your house and wow, you have too many pictures of naked women. 

Ruki: It is art. 

Miyo: So you are not doing any funny business looking at those? 

Ruki: You know it is only pervs who think that I think.

Miyo started laughing. 

Miyo: Jeez, you are so predictable and easy to tease. 

He puffed. 

Ruki: It is scarily obvious you have been living with Reita for too long. 

Reita: Oh come on, let him be. 

Miyo: Sorry, sorry. I will not tease, I promise. What did you want to ask?

Was he really going to ask it? He really wanted to ask it, he could not help. He had been distracted but it was not enough apparently as he was still thinking of the dark blonde. 

Ruki: You were speaking with a blonde at the bar. Do you know her? 

She thought about it for a while.

Miyo: Oh you mean Rucchan? 

Ruki: Rucchan? 

Miyo: Yeah, Ruize. You mean her right, blond with grey eyes. 

He nodded. 

Miyo: Yes, yes. Ruize, she is a friend from junior high school. 

Ruki: So an old friend. 

Miyo: Yes, very old. Why? 

Reita: Oh, let me guess, you saw her, I mean saw?

Reita was smirking. 

Ruki: If you are smirking like that I will walk away. 

Reita: Sorry, sorry but I got used to it. 

Miyo: Oh, you mean that. Oh well, if you need to know she hates being stared. So don't do it, 'kay? 

Ruki: Where is this going to? I just wanted to ask one thing.

He was the only one that had no significant other in the group, so everyone found it easy to tease him with it. If he called them out Uruha and Aoi would go "well, we are single too." and that was pathetic to watch because everyone knew they were living together. Miyo looked at him with a smile alerting him for more teasing. 

Miyo: Relax cowboy, I am not going to tease you but I will tell you what you want to know. No, she is not here anymore. She went home hours ago. 

Uruha: Who went home? Beer anyone? 

Miyo: Ruize. Beer for me please.

Uruha: Who is Ruize?

Miyo: Kaya. 

Uruha: Oh her! Ah! I forgot to introduce her to you Ruki. She was the one I was talking about. 

Miyo: Well, sorry but she is out of his league. 

Aoi: Oi, oi! Be nice to him. 

Miyo: I am! I am just giving it straight. You are charming Ruki but -

Ruki: I got it, I got it. She is too good for me that was much obvious. How did we get here? 

Reita: You asked about her. 

Ruki: I- Never mind. Wait. Then why was she here? 

Uruha: I invited her. 

Ruki: How do you know her. 

Reita: I introduced her to him. 

Uruha: She did my house.

Ruki: "Your" house my ass. When are you going to invite us to your house by the way? It has been a year. 

Uruha: One day. One day. 

Ruki turned to Reita and Kai and mimicked Uruha silently causing them to laugh. 

Uruha: I will not invite you next time. 

Ruki: Would be fine with me. I could sleep.

Uruha: But I will invite her. 

Ruki: I do not care. 

He actually did. He wanted to see her again. Not that he would go and talk to her, what would he say to her anyway? He'd probably be speechless. Miyo was right, she was out of his "league" whatever his league was. Luckily Aoi had seen him struggling and being the nice guy, he managed to change the topic. They talked and joked until the sun came up. Over the next couple of weeks, he did not think about the woman again until he got invited to another party.

He saw her at the party again but did not dare to approach her. She looked intimidating now. He had seen a lot of men try and approach her only to be met with a cold stare that sent them back with hunched backs. She stayed with her small group of people and rejected everyone who tried to approach with her cold eyes. Few men did not get the message and managed to approach her but Ruki could see that she was not happy with it. Shortly after the third "brave" man, she left the party.

He regretted not trying even after Uruha suggested he would introduce him. But also there was a part of him content with that. Since the fiasco with his last "girlfriend", he did not want to pursue this one. He was also sure she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was probably a famous handsome actor, tall and muscled. She looked like a woman who would suit such a man. What would she do with a designer like him? He could have said he was a song-writer but than he would have to admit his failures. Not sexy at all. So he was content with his decision to not approach her and slowly she disappeared from his memory. Over the year Uruha threw many parties which the number of them was lost to Ruki and after a while, he stopped going to them. He did not understand why Uruha had become the party master all of a sudden. Was it for business? Was it simply because he enjoyed them, Ruki did not know. 

Finally, he accepted an invitation he received for Reita's birthday, which Uruha took charge of oddly. But he hoped it would be small seeing it was at Kai's house. And small it was. Or more like smaller, than what Uruha had been used to for a while now. There were no people to have business contacts with, it was just the normal group, people from Reita's radio station, his old friends and some musicians they were good friends with. Still, it ended up being a big group and after the cake, people started drinking more and more and it got loud. He loved his friends but ever since he crossed the line between 29-30 he had been feeling that parties were not really his thing. Considering he did not drink, parties tended to end up as a hassle for him, especially big ones. People would lose the ability to have a proper conversation, the music would get louder and at the end, he would always leave. He preferred smaller groups. But today was Reita's birthday and if he left, it would be just rude. 

At some point, late into the night, he had to go to the toilet but all of them were full so he ended up going to the garden. Others have been there, he could smell the stench. He stood there and enjoyed the silence as he relieved himself. Weather was nice for once, it was pretty quiet outside as they were out of the city centre. He did not want to walk back into the crow and the noise so he walked towards the bench he had seen earlier that was facing the house. He could just sit there and watch people while enjoying the silence and the smell of the night. It smelled really nice in the garden with all the flowers. So he walked to the bench and when he came close to it, he saw someone was already sitting there. He looked around but there were no other benches around to sit unless he walked all the way around and came to the outdoor dining area. He did not want to so he decided to ask if they could share the bench. So he walked closer to the bench and saw that it was a woman sitting there. 

She looked familiar but he could not place it. She was very pretty, he could see that much. She was wearing a navy slip on dress that showed her lower leg as she was sitting. The dress was backless, except for the one thin string, and it was exposing her spine and naked back. She had a bold and slightly sexy taste. Where had he seen her? He guessed a magazine. 

Ruki: Hello, sorry, do you mind if I sit? 

She looked at him, slightly annoyed, then suddenly her features softened.

" Tired of the crowd?", she asked with a gentle smile.

Ruki: Yes a bit. And it became- 

"- Really loud?", she asked again with a smile, she was no longer looking at him but at the party from the glass door. She patted on the bench, pointing him to sit.

Ruki: Very loud. Mind if I smoke?

She took a sip from the wine she was holding, then said: "No, as long as you have one for me too. "He found the cigarette pack from his jacket pocket and gave one to her and pulled one for himself and lit it. 

Ruki: I thought I was the one stealing cigarettes from others.

She played with the cigarette between her thin long fingers then turned to him: "Nice to meet me?", she said with raised eyebrows and a grin. He chuckled, she was charming. "So... Do you think you can light it for me too, seeing you have a lighter.", she asked.

Ruki nodded and pulled the lighter back out. She put the cigarette between her fingers and the butt of it between her lips and leaned towards him so he could light it for her. He thought he did not like women who smoked or drank but here she was turning him on. She threw her head back as she exhaled the smoke. Then she turned to him and smiled, "Thanks", she said with her head still thrown backwards. Her bare neck was exposed and Ruki could not look away. He felt unusually hot. 

After smoking for a few seconds she took the cigarette and stared at it."It has been a long while but I needed it apparently.", she said still looking at the cigarette, then she turned her attention to the party and pointed the house with the cigarette.

"After a few parties with Uruha, I found myself needing a cigarette. This helped a lot." 

Ruki: So, are you running from the crowd or the noise? 

She took a deep breath first then sighed.

"I am running from the creepy pervy hands that try to... Well, let's just leave it there, shall we?

Ruki: Oh I see. 

She chuckled but Ruki did not dare look at her, he was turned on enough and if she looked prettier when she chuckled he would not be able to talk.

"Whose side are you from?" she asked. 

Ruki: Side? What? 

He was confused. 

" Who invited you? Uruha or the birthday boy?" 

Ruki: Oh well, both. You? 

"Friend of Miyo, so have known Rei-kun for a long while now. It was a courtesy invitation."

She turned to him again. 

"I am Kaya, by the way, I do not want you to know me as the cigarette beggar". 

Ruki: Nice to meet you. I am Ruki, cigarette beggar is nicer than cigarette stealer, which is what I am. I took a lot from Uruha.

Kaya: Strange how we have never met before at Uruha's parties or through Reita and Miyo. 

Ruki: I am pretty sure I have seen you somewhere but I can not put my finger on it. 

Kaya: Is that your way of flirting? For real? 

She stared at him with a "this conversation is done" face. 

Ruki: I did not mean it like that. I am not- 

He was sure he was getting red. He had not really said it in a flirtatious way. He panicked but then Kaya's face softened and she laughed loudly, throwing her head back again. Why was he turned on this much by that small move? Then he realised he had heard this laugh before. This warming, charming, flirtatious laugh. His heart skipped a beat, how could he forget? It was over a year ago but he had met her. He had even dreamt of her. How did he forget that?

He remembered her red lips and the laugh that had caught his attention very vividly. He remembered sitting at the bar and watching her. Had he forgotten for real or was it just buried? If he could remember now, it was just buried.

To be honest, she looked slightly different with nude lipstick and more natural makeup. She looked prettier this close. 

Kaya: I was joking. No need to get all flustered. 

Ruki: Have you been going to a lot of parties, then? 

Kaya: Oh yeah, unfortunately. I should have stopped ages ago.

Ruki: Why continue then? 

Kaya: Uruha kept saying please come, it will be good business opportunities then he started saying there is someone I want you to mee. But I never met that person and all I did was to make contacts. Which is only good for business.

Ruki: He is a total pimp. Like a business pimp. 

Kaya: Oh my god yes! Especially with those glasses! 

Ruki: Oh the narrow ones with the- 

Kaya&Ruki: Yellow tint! 

Kaya bent forwards as she laughed, exposing the whole of her naked back. Ruki visually traced her spine down.

He had not had sex in a while and for some reason, he found that she turned him on faster than anything else. Maybe he was just a pervert like Miyo had joked about. 

Kaya: I guess you were the smart one who stopped coming to the parties, otherwise I would have met you.

Ruki: I did. He told the exact same things to me and I never met the girl. 

Kaya: What a shame. We both did not get what we were promised. 

Ruki looked at her profile, her eyes fixated on the glass doors. He wondered if they were her real eye colour, this mesmerising light grey.

The more he sat with her the more he wanted to watch her and touch her so he sat up to leave.

Ruki: I think it is time to go back now. 

Kaya: I will stay, you can go. 

Ruki: That bad, huh? 

She sighed and looked at him with pursed lips. 

Kaya: There was some butt grabbing. 

Ruki: No!

Kaya: I know right! Just because they are drunk they think "oh a girl who drinks, she would want it.". Give me a break! And they just keep staring. It is rude and so so disgusting. I can see them drool. 

Ruki couldn't help but laugh. 

Kaya: Funny for you.

Ruki: Sorry I do not mean to laugh at your pain, it is just funny how you just let it all your frustration to a random guy you just met. 

Kaya: Apparently I like sabotaging myself by telling stupid things to the cute guy she just met. 

She gasped and covered her mouth.

Ruki: Am I the cute guy? 

She bit her lip, Ruki could see her face get red. 

Ruki: Wait is that your attempt at flirting. 

She gently punched his arm as she mumbled, "Shuddup". 

Ruki: You still did not answer my question. 

She bit the corner of her bottom lip and looked at him.

If she did that again he would kiss her. Why was he so horny tonight? 

Kaya: Yes, you are cute. Happy now? 

Ruki nodded and smiled, he was happy with himself. 

Kaya: Do you have one more cigarette? If I am going in I need that. 

Ruki: Great idea.

Ruki found the cigarette pack but there was only one left. 

Ruki: There is only one. Share?

She nodded and lit the last cigarette and allowed her to take the first round. 

Ruki: What is the meaning of your name? Is it a foreign one or Japanese?

Kaya: Japanese. The scent of the night. I was born on a rainy night and my mom is such a romantic. She is one of those people who would go on about the lovely scents the grass and flowers give off after a rain. So, there, it is me. 

Ruki: You are not a romantic?

She raised an eyebrow. 

Kaya: Do you want to hear horror stories, cute guy? 

Ruki: You are definitely flirting now. 

Kaya chuckled. 

Kaya: Flirting? Me? I would never. It is just the wine talking. Fuck. Ignore that last one. 

She returned the cigarette, laid her head back and closed her eyes.He was so glad she added that last part. He was really enjoying sitting with her and talking and it would be like a punch in the guts to learn it was all thank to some wine. 

Kaya: Would you have a car? 

Ruki: Why?

Kaya: I just thought you might be driving back, and I wondered if I could get a lift back to the city centre. 

Ruki: Sorry, I came with a friend and promised him for a ride tomorrow. 

Kaya: Friend? Just a friend or? 

Ruki: Just a friend. Did you not arrange a night here?

Kaya: I did. But I am just wondering if I should go home now. I am not in the mood for more touchy-feely drunk men. 

Ruki: Just stick around Aoi and Uruha, they will punch them for you. 

Kaya: Are those two.... 

Ruki: Together? 

She raised her head and nodded.

Ruki: Very much. They are living together I guess.

Kaya: Based on the design we had, I would say so. 

Ruki: Wait, wait. Do they have a sex room? 

Kaya: Not a room but a kinky cabinet, right next to the bed. I had to arrange that cabinet and boy the things I have seen.

Ruki: That kinky? 

Kaya: I guess it is just things most straight people do not use. Unless you are into that kind of stuff. It was a whole new experience for me. 

Ruki: Good to know. I need material to tease them. 

Kaya: Weird thing though, they act straight outside.

Ruki: They are weird. They think we do not know, so they pretend. Even though I mentioned it many times. 

Kaya: Are you serious? 

Ruki nodded. 

Kaya: So they are a closeted couple who are actually not so closeted? 

Ruki: Kinda. I mean it is not a secret.

Kaya: Maybe- The cigarette. 

Ruki: Take the last. 

Kaya: Maybe, they get off from the idea that they are having a secret. 

Ruki: In that case, leaving your sex tape in the DVD player constantly is not helpful for the game. 

She opened her eyes and mouth widely in shock.

Kaya: No! 

Ruki: Yes. I saw more than I needed. Whatever gets them going you know, but I am not that interested in knowing the positions my friends prefer or the noises they make in bed. So... 

She started laughing again, her whole body shaking, gasping for breath.

"You are beautiful", he had said without realising. He was thinking how pretty she was while laughing and was supposed to use his inner voice, not the outer one. He closed his eyes and looked away. She was just complaining about men coming on to her and he had just done the same thing. He was sure she was going to leave now. But to his surprise, she did not leave. 

Kaya: I saw you. 

Was she meaning his inner horny thoughts? She repeated. 

Kaya: I saw you that day. 

He faced her again, he was confused. 

Ruki: You mean inside me? 

She chuckled. She had to stop smiling like that. 

Kaya: No. It was the first party I went to. Must have been a year ago now. I saw you at the bar staring.

His throat felt dry. He felt like a child who had done something bad and knew he was in trouble.

Kaya: It gets suspicious when you sit at a bar and just stare at the ladies. I thought you would come and ask but you did not, to my surprise.

Ruki: I am sorry. I did not mean to stare. I was just curious. 

She looked taken aback. 

Kaya: I have been stared my whole life and have heard many reasons but 'curious' has never been one of them. What were you curious about? 

He gulped and tried to imagine the conversation.

"I heard you laugh and got curious". It sounded like a true pervert in his head. But that was his only answer, his only truth. If she left, she left. It was a blessing she stayed that long anyway. 

Ruki: It is going to sound weird. It sounds weird in my head already. 

Kaya: Ruki..

Ruki: Fine, here it is. I heard you laugh and I thought that it was a... it was a nice laugh and wanted to know who it belonged to. So I was curious. 

She put her elbow on the back of the bench and rested her head on her fist. She did not say anything for a while and just looked at him. He did not know her, he could not read the expression in her eyes. Hurt? Disappointed? Angry? 

Kaya: So once you satisfied your curiosity, you were done? 

Ruki: It is not like that.

She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as she continued looking at him. It was something she did without thinking, something natural, something she did every day but that managed to turn him on even more. He was thankful for the dark weather and dark trousers.

Kaya: Then why? I thought, out of them all you would do it. But twice you had the chance and twice you did not. 

Ruki: I thought you would have a boyfriend and I would be just both- Wait, what? Twice? 

Kaya: I saw you on two parties, staring. And yes, I did have a boyfriend.

Ruki: Did? 

Kaya: The reason I am not a romantic girl. Never had good experiences. 

Ruki: So... Let me get this straight, you are single? You? 

She smiled cheekily. 

Kaya: A girl can enjoy her life. I do not need a boyfriend for that. What about you? 

Ruki: I do not have a boyfriend.

Kaya: I got that much. What about a girlfriend? 

Ruki: None. Some horror stories on my side too. 

Kaya: So, is the cute boy enjoying the life too? 

Ruki: Work-life, yes a lot. That is what you mean right? 

Kaya: You need some help. 

Ruki: I tried, Uruha tried helping.

Kaya: It is an NG? 

Ruki: Pretty much, so in the end, I just gave up. 

Kaya: That is sad. Oh... Wait a minute. You are one of those sentimental, romantic guys. 

Ruki shrugged. 

Ruki: Is it bad? 

Kaya: No. Not necessarily, it is just lonely. 

Ruki: I can't help it.

Kaya: You know what I figured? 

Ruki: What? 

Kaya: After all, you are not bothering me. 

She had the prettiest smirk he had ever seen. He almost reached out to hold her face but stopped himself in the last second. 

Kaya: You should have come and talked to me before.

Ruki: Why did you not do it then? 

Kaya: Funny enough, I figure you'd have a girlfriend. 

Ruki heard someone call for them. He did not want to end the conversation but she had already gotten up. 

Ruki: Kaya, will you stay the night? 

Kaya: Why?

Ruki: I am a night owl, I could use the company. She crossed her arms but she was smiling. 

Kaya: What kind of companionship are you suggesting? 

Was she talking about? 'Do not assume things like that you big moron' he thought to himself.

Ruki: What is it in your mind? 

She bit her lips, her face was red. 

Kaya: Take it with a pinch of wine but... Naughty things. 

After saying that she quickly turned around and walked inside without waiting for him. What did that mean now?! He really needed to find a toilet now.

Ruki waited for Kaya in the living room after 2 am, just as she asked him before going to her room. But she was nowhere to be seen, he figured she fell asleep. She did say to take it with a "pinch of wine" after all. What did he expect anyway, he wouldn't be so lucky. He groaned and threw his head back on the sofa he was sitting. Would this count as being stood up? He closed his eyes and groaned again. But when he opened his eyes, there she was. Looking at him from above with a warm smile in her eyes, corner of her lips curved with amusement.

She must not be human, he was sure of it. No human should turn on someone this easily. He wanted to disappear. 

Kaya: What are you groaning about? 

Ruki: I was supposed to meet with a girl, but got stood up. 

Kaya: That is not very nice. 

Ruki: I know right. 

Kaya: Could I help?

Ruki: I guess I will have to take it. 

Kaya chuckled. It was only then Ruki realised that she had removed her make-up. She still looked beautiful without it. He always preferred a naturally beautiful woman to a one with heavy make-up even if they looked sexy. Kaya was definitely at the top of his list now for naturally beautiful women. He could not stop looking at her. Was she modelling? Would he be able to find pictures of her online? He chased the thoughts away, it was getting out of hand. 

Ruki: So... Naughty huh? Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: I am not going to make any assumptions so please explain "naughty" to me. 

Kaya: Hm.. You are a people observer, right? 

Ruki: How do you know? 

Kaya: Uruha said you are a designer, an artist. Most artists are people observer I think.

Ruki: I wonder. 

Kaya: The thing is, I am an observer too, but I observe houses. They tell a lot about the people I think. 

Ruki: What was your job again? 

Kaya: Well, I studied to be an architect but found the interior design to be my calling. 

Ruki: It makes sense now, otherwise-

Kaya: It is creepy, I know. Pure stalker characteristic. 

Ruki: Is there something I need to know. 

Kaya: Too early to ask. 

Ruki grinned at her. 

Ruki: So you want to roam the house. Is that it? 

Kaya: I know secrets and I intend to confirm them. 

Ruki: About Kai's house?

Kaya nodded. 

Ruki: How come you know about his house? 

Kaya: Through his wife and Miyo. I got invited to coffee once or twice and damn girls talk. 

Ruki: Do I want to know? 

Kaya: Probably not, but you have to now.

Ruki: From horrible to kinky? Where does the scale lay? 

Kaya: Kinky. Extreme kinky. Like... Uruha and Aoi are vanilla compared to this, that kinky. It is the kinkiest sex room I have heard of.

Ruki: I will regret it but I want to know. Let's go. He jumped off the couch and lead Kaya through a hallway.

Kaya: You know your way around here don't you? 

Ruki: I thought I did until you talked about an extremely kinky sex room. Now I am lost. 

Kaya: Do you want to be lost more? 

Ruki: Is there more?! 

Kaya chuckled. 

Kaya: A bird told me that the room is for multiple people. 

Ruki: No.

Kaya: Yes. 

Ruki: NO! She stopped midway and started laughing. 

Ruki: Are you joking? 

Kaya: How come you did not know it if you guys are such good friends? 

Ruki: We do not really share sex stories. 

Kaya: Oh, I see. 

Ruki: You guys talk a lot, huh? 

Kaya: Women in general?

Ruki: Wait, are all women doing it? not just you three. 

Kaya: Obviously. Wasn't Sex and the City based on that idea? 

Ruki: Not my thing. So, that room would probably be behind a study or his game room. 

Kaya: You assume it is his doing? 

Ruki: Trust me.

Kaya: The game room then, it would be more fitting. 

Ruki: I will regret doing this. 

Kaya: Wait, what is that?She pointed to a corridor where a lot of oil paintings were hanging. 

Ruki: Oh the weird room. I do not know who's taste it is, but these are very weird ugly paintings.

She walked towards the corridor so he followed her. He did not care for the paintings, he just wanted to watch her. Without the makeup, her face seemed softer. She was probably more vulnerable, nicer than she showed. Her guard was up for sure.

Kaya: Thanks for the help tonight by the way. That guy did not really get the message. 

Ruki: Is that a common occurrence? 

He walked to her to see what she was looking at. It was an oil painting of a naked woman, looked like a depiction of a Greek myth.

Kaya: This is probably the best painting in this room. Is it a common occurrence? Yes. Unfortunately very common. It is really annoying. When I was young, they would just stare but recently it escalated to a creepy touchy level. 

Ruki: Really? That bad, huh? I wonder why.

Kaya: Beats me. Maybe because I look more foreigner than Japanese, they assume that I would flirt back with them and take them to bed? Really disgusting. 

Ruki: I am sorry to hear that. Now thinking about it, I am also staring. I am sorry. 

Kaya shrugged and smiled at him.

Kaya: Do I look like I mind you? 

Ruki: Luckily not. May I ask something? 

Kaya: Yes. 

Ruki: Might sound insensitive but, is it your real hair and eye colour? 

Kaya: Yes, they are. You thought it was fake? 

Ruki: You never know nowadays. Are they light grey or light blue?

Kaya: I swear rich people have weird taste in art. Why did they buy all this crap but not more like this one?

She sighed and took a step back from the painting. 

Kaya: What colour do they look now? He looked into her eyes, they looked dark blue, almost velvety. 

Ruki: Dark blue.-

She gave him a side smile and walked closer to him. She stood so close that her bare feet were touching his, he could feel the warmth she gave off. She was just a centimetre or two shorter than him, he could easily kiss her. Wouldn't that make him the worst of those guys though?

Kaya: What colour are they? 

Ruki: You are teasing me now. 

Kaya: Slightly, what colour? 

She bit her lip as she came closer. His urge to kiss her turned into a need but he knew if he kissed her, he would fall for her. Somehow, he was sure of it and he was also sure that she would not be in for that. She had spoken as if she would. He looked into her eyes, they were light grey with golden speckles, then he quickly took a step back, trying to put distance between them. He would definitely see her eyes in his dream, they were hard to forget.

Ruki: Grey, they are light grey. 

She took a step backwards as well as she looked at her feet. What did she want? What did she hope for? Did she hope that he would make a move so she could find a reason to get away from him? Did she even hope for anything? Maybe it was just him hoping for something and assuming she did too. He did not know her that well, he had no idea about the things she would do normally. Maybe she did it to everyone around her, get this close. He had no idea. He realised suddenly that he was staring at her.

Ruki: Do you still want to find that room? 

She looked up. 

Kaya: Would be fun. 

Ruki: Is it only because it is fun? 

Kaya: Just curiosity. The only play I ever tried was with cuffs and a blind. I am curious about what else is there but not really interested in it enough to try.

Ruki felt his throat dry, he felt speechless and he was aware that he stared at her with widened eyes but he could not help himself. She laughed at his shock. 

Kaya: Sorry, too much information? Tell me, are you hoping for something? 

Ruki: Nope, nope. Told you, no assumptions.

At least he was trying. 

Kaya: I am joking. Come on, let's find that room. 

He watched her walk back to the main hallway for a few seconds, where was he going with this? He sighed and followed her. He led them to Kai's game room. He had an idea where the room might be hidden. He walked directly into the gaming room and tried to ignore everything else, however, could not help but notice that Kai's game collection had gotten out of control. 

Kaya: Does he have time for all these games? 

Ruki: Nope. He is collecting them and hoping one day he will play.

Kaya: Jeez. He needs a second room. Try behind th- 

Ruki: The curtain? I know. I always found it weird he had curtains on the wall, like, why?

He tried few curtains with no luck but hit the jackpot on the last one as. He tried the nob and the door opened easily. He gasped.

Kaya walked around the piles of games mumbling how this was a nightmare for an interior designer and had not heard him gasp. 

Kaya: Did you find it? 

He closed the door, he was not sure if he wanted to go there with her. He could feel himself flushing. 

Kaya: You found it!

Ruki nodded. 

Ruki: You said you were vanilla right? So... you might not want to go there. 

Kaya: Really? Okay, now I really want to know. 

She walked to him, put her hand on his hand which was still on the door nob. She had not broken eye contact with him as she opened the door. However, she did not go or look into the room but just kept looking into Ruki's eyes. She had a cheeky smile on her lips. 

Kaya: Is it weird to go there with me? You just met me after all. 

All he could do was to take a deep breath and gulp.

Kaya: You do not have to come. I can take a look and get out again. 

Ruki thought about it for a second. The weird part was not that he had just met her, the weird part was how much he got turned on by her and this was a fully furnished sex room. He could not help but get hard. Even if he was not into most of these things, it turned him on slightly, the idea of it.

Ruki: I will go. You got me curious. 

He wanted to see where it would end up. She smiled and stepped into the room. He heard her gasp so he followed. He had to see her face. Kaya had covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes were wide open. 

Kaya: Wow. Oh my god. 

Ruki: I know.

Kaya: Wow! 

Ruki: Do you know what it looks like? 

Kaya: I have no words to describe t- Look at all those "toys". 

Ruki: This is probably Kai's S&M dreams. Looks like he bought whatever he saw on those magazines.

Kaya walked to a wall where whips in different sizes, shapes and materials. She picked up a small leather whip and whipped the table. She got startled by the sound it made. Then faced him, still holding the whip. 

Kaya: Wow. Wait. How do you know about what is in the magazines?

She raised her eyebrow. 

Kaya: So you are also into this? 

Ruki: No. Not really. Curious? Yes. A bit turned on? Sure. Would I participate in it? no. Please put the whip away. 

Kaya: Why? 

She bit her lip as she expected an answer. She was teasing him and it was not his imagination.

He wondered if he should be honest and say that his knees would give in and that he would definitely come. He was really turned on and if someone touched him, he would be done, that was true. But to say it out loud to her? Suicide. He chuckled at the idea.

Ruki: I am just thinking about the places it might have been to.She put it quickly back to its place. It was interesting watching her go around the room. She was looking at everything with a deep interest. He also looked around the room a bit more.

There were many drawers labelled costumes, toys, lubes and etc... Different types of "toys" were labelled as well. He wondered if that was Kai or Akemi who labelled them all so nicely. He looked into a few drawers and quickly closed them. Of course, Kai had those.

Kaya: Too much? 

Ruki: I am surprised that I am surprised. 

She walked towards a bed that was tucked behind a big sex swing. 

Kaya: For how many people do you think this monster is? 

Ruki: If I have to guess, 6? 

He watched her as she measured the bed with her hands. Another thing added to his list of fantasies. This was definitely material for a porn story he was sure. "Innocent girl finds a sex room" would be part of the description. He kept down a groan and looked away from her. 

Kaya: Strange enough, I would say it is for 5 people.

He saw her attention turn to the large leather sex swing. 

Kaya: What is this? 

Ruki: That? It is a- You do not know for real? 

Kaya shook her head. 

Ruki: It is a sex swing. I think this one can be arranged for different sizes. 

Kaya: I am so behind this. What for? 

Ruki: Positions.

Kaya: Oh... 

Ruki: The last thing you should touch is that thing unless you are into touching places with Reita's and Akemi's naked butts and sweats and what not. 

Kaya: Probably also other people. I am curious but I will google it later. 

Ruki: Yes, please.

She chuckled and walked away from the swing. He allowed himself to breath again. She picked up some cuffs and swung it around her finger before putting it back. 

Kaya: See those I am familiar with but the rest... Wow. And so many of them.

Ruki: I would not be surprised if there were more hidden away. 

Kaya did not say anything but bit her lip as she walked by a collection of beads. 

Kaya: Do I want to know? 

He thought about it for a second but besides getting turned on, he could not stop imagining who used it. Then he thought about how it could be used on her. He took a deep breath. 

Ruki: I am out. I need to get out. The answer to your question is I do not know. I am going to leave now. I have learned all I needed to and some more. 

Kaya: I am sorry. 

He shook his head and left the room quickly. She followed him but he did not stop. He really needed the closest bathroom, his erection was unbearable at this point. He ignored her when she followed him. He locked the door and helped himself. After holding it for so long it did not take long anyway. He cleaned himself and sat on the toilet waiting for his heartbeats to slow down a bit. He should have strapped her on the swing. Fuck, what was he thinking that would do? He buried his face in his hands and groaned. He waited in the toilet a bit longer. He was hoping she would have left by then and he wouldn't have to explain but he was not that lucky. She was there, leaning to the wall across the toilet. Her arms were crossed under her chest and she was biting her lip. She smiled when she saw him. He wished she would stop that, he also hoped she would not ask anything. She was not a child, she must get the cues. 

Kaya: I googled them... And oh boy. A whole new world of vibrators. 

Ruki: You gotta be kidding with me. Woman, I am not gay and that...Fuck. 

He wanted to be erased from existence.

But to his surprise, she just smiled. 

Ruki: You are doing it on purpose. 

Kaya: I... Maybe a tiny bit. I know you are not gay by the way. 

Ruki: Why? 

Kaya: You are annoyingly good at holding yourself back. 

Ruki: So you were testing to see if I would blow? 

Kaya: Not really.

Ruki: What then? 

Kaya: Forget it. 

Ruki: Tell me. 

She looked down on her toes. 

Kaya: I wanted to see if you were like others. You do not speak out, so I got curious. I am sorry. Look, why don't you decide what to do now? And I will be a good woman.

He did not know what to do now. "A good woman". He had no idea, his mind was a bit blank suddenly and all he could think was the swing. 

Kaya: Say it. Say what you are thinking. 

Ruki: No. 

Kaya: Say. it. You might feel better. 

Ruki: I doubt it very much and I would prefer dying. 

Kaya: Tell me what you want to do.

Ruki: You are free to slap me and run away but all I can think is that I should have strapped you on that swing. Fuck... 

She gasped and put her hands over her mouth. 

Ruki: I would have preferred a slap to that.

He closed his eyes. Why was he so stupid? Why could he not flirt with her like he did with other women? He expected her to walk away any second but she started laughing, she even had to sit down. 

Kaya: The swing would have been the worst fucking idea. I will take the beads.

Was she being serious? He looked at her confused, tilting his head to one side like Koron did. Also, he was turned on again. She'd take the beads?! 

Kaya: I have a... a small issue with being tied up or being limited by things. I get anxiety attacks from them. 

Ruki: Wha- What about the cuffs?

Kaya: I said I experienced them not that I loved the experience. So I am really glad you did not do that. Are you feeling better? 

No. No, he was not. He was so lost, that was the last answer and reaction he had expected from anyone. 

Ruki: I... I am confused. I need cold water.

Kaya: Oh! The kitchen! That is the best! 

Ruki: I am no longer sure if you are talking from a sexual point or from an observation point. 

Kaya: Luckily I am not a pervert like you. It is just for observation. 

Ruki: Hey, I could not help myself after you whipped the cabinet.

Kaya: I think I cracked the painting on the cabinet. Oh my god, I whipped it for real. I kinda see the appeal now. It is de-stressing in a way. 

Ruki: Not. a. single. word. more. about that room. Wait. Just one last thing. You are not angry?

She took a step back and started walking away from him. 

Kaya: For the swing comment? No. I kinda feel flattered, to be honest. Can not argue with the cute guy who wants to put me on a sex swing. Then she turned around facing away from him. 

Kaya: Are you coming?Yes, he was.

He stood by the sink drinking glass after glass filled with cold water but it did not help cool his body down. He just stared at the sink while listening to her go around the kitchen. 

Ruki: Do you do this in every house you go? 

Kaya: No not really. In most houses people offer.

Ruki: You mean your job. 

Kaya: Yes. But I do it ay my friends' house. They got used to it. I know it is weird but it is purely a professional curiosity. Okay, just curiosity. Don't you sometimes want to see into peoples' house when you are passing by?

Ruki: I sure do. 

Kaya: To be honest, the kitchens are always my favourite. It tells you a lot about the household. Is it a family, is it a single man or woman, a couple maybe? Do they cook, do they care about sentimental things such as silly cups. It can tell a lot.

Ruki: What is this one telling you?He turned around to face her leaning back to the sink. She was looking into a drawer on the other side of the marble island. She stood up and looked at him. 

Kaya: Kai is the one who cooks. He is the sentimental one.

Ruki: You sure?Kaya: Yep. I have seen some other rooms before but all the rooms that were Kai's had sentimental items, memories. The kitchen on the other hand is his baby. His true passion. Everything is left pristine, stacked nicely with protective sheets in between.

She walked towards the coffee station. 

Kaya: Mugs from places they have visited. A mug for her and him. A love note to his wife. Charming. Plates in different styles for plating. He picks them carefully. It is a chef's kitchen but everything is used. Look at these plates. They are not soulless, they are used and loved. Here he fixed a broken one whereas he could easily replace it. This is the room he created for his family, the rest of the house, he does not care much I can say that.

Ruki: Why do you assume it is Kai but not Akemi? 

Kaya: Well, Akemi is the filthy rich one right? She would not mind a broken plate. Talking purely from experience here. She might get sad but she would throw it. You also get the feeling when you are speaking with her. Also, the items here are not girly things, not decorative. Functional and industrial, a bit too manly. Also the note. 

Ruki chuckled, he knew what she meant. 

Ruki: I guess you are right about this being Kai's baby. He loves cooking. 

He filled his glass again but rather than drinking it he stared at it. 

Ruki: So, I need to come to your kitchen to see what kind of a person you are.

Kaya: Yeah sure. 

Ruki: Wait, what? I was j- Are you serious? 

Kaya: Just letting you know ahead, I do not own sex swings or beads or whips and whatever those other things were. 

She had answered it so casually he was not sure if she was joking or not. He bit his bottom lip.

Ruki: Please stop mentioning the swing and the toys. It is not helpful. 

Kaya: So you are into it? 

Ruki: I think being into it or not is irrelevant at this point. 

Kaya: Interesting. Is it the imagery then? 

Ruki: I will not answer that. 

She chuckled but he could see her flush.

Ruki: Okay, I need to ask. Is this something you do with men you have just met? 

Kaya: This? 

Ruki: I mean the sex room, the talk about the beads and... You know. The sneaky way you flirt. If that is, no wonder men get touchy-feely.

Kaya: So you are victim blaming? 

Ruki: No! That is not what I meant and you know it very well. Don't change the subject like that. I really would like to know. 

She took a deep breath and walked around the island towards him. After thinking for a few seconds she jumped on the island and sat there facing him. Her feet were dangling down the corner. She pulled the skirt of her dress up to her knees to be able to sit more comfortably then looked at him. He avoided looking at her long white legs and the curve behind her pink knees.

"Think of something else, think of something else", he thought to himself. The kitchen was dead silent as Kaya sat there thinking. Finally, she took another deep breath and looked away from him. 

Kaya: No. The truth is no. I do not do that. I don't even know why I said it.

She sighed. 

Kaya: I am so sorry. I really do not know where it all came from. That level of boldness and flirting. I really could not help myself. 

She held the back of her neck and rubbed it, she looked like she was in trouble.

Kaya: I did something. Do not ask me why and how. Just do not ask me because I have no answers. I really do not know why. 

She buried her face in her hands and groaned. 

Ruki: I am confused, what did you do? 

She groaned again into her hands. 

Ruki: Kaya? 

She let herself fall backwards on the marble island as she continued covering her face with her hands. He could hear her head hit the marble, he twitched. It must have hurt but she did not say anything. He watched her as she laid on the island, her legs dangling. He felt the heat rise. How could he still get turned on and get hard? Like how?! 

Ruki: What did you do? 

Kaya: Check your jacket pocket. 

He hesitantly reached for his pocket, nothing. He tried the other one and felt something soft in there. 

Ruki: Is that-

Kaya: Don't! Don't say anything and just leave. 

Leave? Leave?! How was he supposed to leave now? Was he supposed to leave with her underwear in his pocket? It was slightly wet and sticky. He took it out of his pocket. It was a nude one with strings so it would not show under her dress. He turned to look at only to see that she was watching him between her fingers and she closed them immediately when their eyes met. When did she do that? How? 

Kaya: Please leave.

Ruki: And keep this? 

Kaya: Just leave. I am so so so sorry. I have never really done that before. 

He stood there for a second holding her underwear. So she had hoped for something, it was not only him. He tucked the underwear in his pocket again and took the jacket off. After hanging the jacket to a chair, he walked back to the island. He could see she was watching. He stood in front of her, her knees touching him slightly, but he did not touch her. He just watched her as she tried to back away, panting but it was hard to crawl backwards without using her hands and she just kept covering her face with them. He could not help himself.

Her laying on the island, panting, combined with the knowledge that she was naked under the dress was just too much. 

Ruki: You hoped for something didn't you? 

She nodded silently. 

Ruki: What did you hope for? 

Kaya: Leave. 

If he left he would never see her again for sure.

Ruki: What did you hope for? 

No answer. 

Ruki: What did you hope for Kaya? 

He finally touched her knee gently following it up. She moaned. He did not stop so she moaned again and grabbed the edge of the island with her other hand on her mouth. 

Ruki: What did you hope for? 

She continued moaning even though he was just brushing her leg. He realised whatever she had before, she was not finished but now she was close. 

Ruki: Tell me. 

"The fucking swing!" she screamed. 

Kaya: I saw it when you were in the toilet. 

She was panting even though he did not do much. Was she that close? 

Kaya: I saw your face in there and... oh fuck. 

He grabbed her knees and pulled her closer to the edge of the island. Then he opened her knees apart. She really was naked and wet. 

Kaya: Oh god...

Her hand holding the corner of island grabbed it tighter. 

Ruki: Are you drunk? 

She shook her head avoiding eye contact. 

Ruki: Do you want it? 

A nod.

Ruki: You gotta speak up. 

"Yes. Yes! " she whispered. He pulled the dress up to her hips and held her legs under the knees as he bent down and stuck his tongue in her. She really was wet and warm and she let out a deep moan as he went in. She moaned, her fingers found his head and grabbed his hairs. He had not gone down on anyone in a long while, he has been the one receiving it so it felt strange at first but as she pushed him into herself as she trembled, he got braver, enjoying it fully. He enjoyed the wetness and warmth surrounding his tongue, she also smelled good. It was good with the change. It did not take long before she came. He stayed in her as she came and trembled. He enjoyed feeling her from the inside and even if he wanted to stop, he couldn't. 

She was pressing herself harder than before. He waited until her breathing slowed down and she was not panting anymore. He moved his tongue out and kissed her down there and gently sucked it. She gasped and pressed him down. Ruki chuckled as he gently opened her fingers holding his hairs and held her hand. Then he caressed her inner tight starting from her pelvic area down to her knee. She was pretty down there, soft, warm, slightly swollen. She did not say anything but moaned every time he left a kiss on her inner thigh. He finally raised his head and looked at her. Her lips were red from biting, he even saw a small cut. She was looking at the ceiling, breathing rapidly. Her cheeks were red, a single drop of sweat was falling down her temple. 

Ruki: Look at me. 

She covered her face with her free hand.

Ruki: So now you are shy? 

She nodded. He pulled her up by the hand he has been holding. 

Ruki: Wrap your legs. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist, he put his forehead on hers and reached to her back to undo her tie, her dress slipped down to her hips. He gently caressed her breasts. They were soft, really soft and warm. Her nipples were hard under his touch. He looked down to see her naked. 

Ruki: Fuck, you are really beautiful. Really beautiful. Do you want me to stop? 

She shook her head quickly. 

Ruki: Talk to me. 

Kaya: Don't stop.

He slid one of his hands between her legs and touched her gently before sliding his fingers in. She gasped and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

Ruki: So putting your underwear in my pocket was okay but now you are shy? 

Kaya: Shut up. Fuck it feels good.

He thrust his fingers deeper in her then suddenly she grabbed his arm. 

Kaya: Wait. 

She looked at him in the eye. 

Kaya: I just need you to know one thing. I know what I said before but I do not go and sleep with every guy I have just met. This is new and the underwear, don't ask.

Ruki: Is that why you are shy? You are worried about what I will think of you? 

Kaya: I do not know why but I care. For once I care what someone else would think about me. 

Ruki: I would not think that. If we are doing this, I do not go and have sex with women I have just met either.

She chuckled shyly. She looked even prettier when she smiled like that. 

Ruki: You are fucking pretty and you are driving me crazy. If it was someone else, I probably would not have done this. 

She pinched him in the arm. 

Kaya: Fucking romantic. Don't get attached.

Ruki: Says the woman who left her underwear in my pocket. Shall I keep it? I think your certain fluids are on that. 

She pinched him again and as a response, he moved his fingers inside her causing her to moan. He grinned and continued. She panted and moaned as she tightened her legs. He bent down, took her nipple into his mouth and sucked it gently. She moaned loudly, louder than he expected, so he sucked it again then swirled his tongue around her nipple before going for the other breast.

Then he watched her as she threw her head back and moaned. Her long neck was exposed and he saw a tiny drop of sweat roll from her neck down her chest. He licked the drop in between her breasts and kissed her slowly going upwards. He wanted to kiss her so badly but decided against it. Soon after she started trembling again. "I am close" she moaned. He was surprised but did not say anything and continued until she came. "Keep it in", she ordered as she trembled and came. Then she laid her head on his shoulder as she tried to breathe again.

Ruki: If it was that bad you should have said something earlier. 

Kaya: So you could strap me to the swing? 

He chuckled. After seeing her in that room, he could not deny its charm. Swing seemed like a good choice. 

Kaya: I knew you were into the swing.

Ruki: I will not deny it right now. It did seem pretty useful. 

Kaya: Pretty useful, huh? You know, I prefer the thrill a bit more. That one might walk in on. Kitchens are always my favourite. 

Ruki: Aahh... I see. So it is not just professional curiosity.

He could feel her smile on his shoulder. 

Ruki: How many more times can you come? Out of curiosity, you know. Professional. 

Kaya: That was only one. So at least 3 more. 

Ruki: Wha- That was two and at least 3 more?! 

Kaya: That was the continuation of the first. 

Ruki: How come?

Kaya: It is really hard to finish when there is a tongue stuck in you and it keeps moving. It is really hard to finish. 

Ruki: You pushed me in there. That was hot by the way. If I choked there, I would have died a happy man. 

She laughed. 

Kaya: Glad you did not die.

Ruki: Uhm... Can I take my finger out now? 

Kaya: Oh yes sorry. 

She loosened her legs and he slowly took his fingers out. They were really wet so he looked for a towel but to his surprise, Kaya grabbed his hand took his wet fingers in her mouth and sucked them. Under normal circumstances, he would not like it but now he just found it hot and watched her with an open mouth. He could not move, he was in a stance. Then he felt her free hand trying to undo his belt so he helped her. She pulled his underwear down and took him in her hand. Her fingers were warm and soft as they closed around him he let out a moan. It felt good and he lost his control as she stroke him firmly, fast but in a way that told him she wanted him. 

She was done with sucking on his wet fingers and now she was kissing his neck. He had no control of what was happening, what he was thinking or how loud he was. She pressed herself to him as she stroke him. He could feel her body in her each move. She kissed the soft spot right under his ear and bit it gently, he called out her name as he moaned. It felt good how her name rolled off his tongue. She suddenly stopped and put her hand on his mouth. 

Kaya: Don't.

" What did I do?", he mumbled. 

Kaya: Don't call my name.

He looked into her eyes. She was being serious. He felt confused for a second before realising the reason. It was the same reason why he did not want to kiss her. If he kissed her during this, he would feel intimate. More intimate than she would like. He did not take women he did not like to his bed and for him kissing someone during the act showed that he was being attached to that person. He held her hand and pressed it to his lips leaving a kiss. She chuckled as she mumbled: "fucking romantic." 

Ruki: I can not help.

Kaya: Just do not call it, okay? 

Ruki: I will do my best.

Kaya: What is your limit? 

Ruki: No kissing. On the lips I mean. 

Kaya: So both hard ones. 

Ruki: Really? 

Kaya: You are pretty kissable. 

Ruki: Who is being a romantic now?

Kaya: True, true. Sorry. Is just hand okay or do you prefer- 

Ruki: This way is fine. Better than anything right now. 

Kaya: Okay, but I have only one dress. So I need it clean. 

Ruki: Up or down? 

Kaya: Up. 

She held herself up so he could pull the dress up from under her. He laid the dress close to them on the counter. She removed his shirt and put it on the dress then touched his chest, slowly moving her hands across it. 

Kaya: Cool tattoos. Your design? 

Ruki: Mostly. 

She smiled then grabbed him again and started stroking him as she looked into his eyes. He would kiss her at this rate. He couldn't stop thinking about the tiny curve on the corner of her mouth, a smile shaped by the satisfaction she felt from having power over him. He would do whatever she wanted now, he wanted to be hers there. He wanted to satisfy her. He grabbed one of her breasts and gently played with it as he took the nipple of the other one in his mouth. Her grab around him tightened as she moaned. How long could he hold on to like this? Hearing her moan and shake under his touch was too much, he took too much pleasure from it. 

He cursed in order to not moan her name as he came undone in her hand and fell into her arms. He had no idea how he could come for a third time that night like this and was surprised to see how long it took him to gather his thoughts again. This was a long one. He rested his head on her shoulder as he panted and waited for his breathing to calm, she played with his hair. When he finally felt like he could make sentences that made sense, he lifted his head to see the mess he made. 

Ruki: Fuck.

Kaya: If you are lucky, it did not seep into any drawers. Or you can just say "surprise Kai!" 

Ruki: I really do not want to say that. Shit, it's such a mess. 

It was everywhere, from her stomach to down between her legs and the marble countertop. She touched the fluid on her stomach with her index finger and then licked it. His heart would stop, there was something so hot in what she did, in how she did it. She had not broken eye contact with him as she did that. 

Kaya: Tea drinker? 

Ruki: What? 

Kaya: It is sweet so i-

He could not help himself and kissed her. He grabbed her by the nape of her neck and kissed her, thrusting his tongue in. She did not stop him and kissed back. Her lips tasted both of her and him, warm and wet. After a while, he pulled back. "No-kissing" rule was quickly tossed.

Kaya: I thought you said -

Ruki: Let's put it in the same drawer as your underwear. 

She laughed. He watched her for a while, considering whether to go on or stop. He could go on, he was hard again but he was afraid of asking too much from her.

Kaya: Can you reach the kitchen roll behind you? He took his pants and underwear off and walked behind him to get the roll, after taking some for himself he gave the rest to her. 

Ruki: I am sorry. It's such mess. 

She smiled as she cleaned her stomach.

Kaya: I have to admit, there is a lot but... I think it was hot. 

Ruki: Glad I could provide. 

He cleaned himself then started cleaning the marble top, luckily there was nothing on the floor or in the drawers. 

Ruki: Do you need help? 

Kaya: Yes, please. It is really everywhere.

He took more papers and started cleaning her thighs and between her legs. 

Ruki: I am so so sorry. 

Kaya: Stop saying that. I enjoyed it, you enjoyed it, and I think that is what counts, no? 

Ruki: True. Kaya? 

Kaya: Hmm? 

Ruki: Do you want to continue?

Kaya: What is in your mind? 

Ruki: Depends on you. 

Kaya: Do you have a condom? 

Ruki: Must have somewhere. 

He took his trousers and checked the pockets. Nothing. He grabbed his jacket and found his wallet and the small coin bag, nothing.

Ruki: Apparently not today. There must be some somewhere in this house. I can look. 

She thought about it for a while. 

Kaya: How sexually active are you? 

Ruki: Wha- Recently, not so much. Scarily bad. 

Kaya: Have you ever been tested? 

He had. After his last fling, he had felt like he had to. 

Ruki: Yes, negative and no one ever since. 

Kaya: Well, I am negative too so... There are always pills. 

Ruki: So without? 

Kaya: I doubt you are lying to me. So, yes, without it. No calling my name though. 

Ruki: Fine. 

Kaya: What about kissing?

Ruki: I am feeling extremely civil with all these pre-agreements. No kissing. I will do my best this time. Any preferences? 

Kaya: I am enjoying the countertop, it is cold and nice and easy to clean compared to any other surface here. 

Ruki: So the velvet couch is not a good idea?

She laughed throwing her head back, "Horrible idea", she said then turned to him with a serious face. 

Kaya: Ruki... I also kinda enjoy being told what to do. 

Of course, she did. Somehow he knew it even before she said it. 

Ruki: You like it rough?

She nodded with her lips apart, obviously already excited by the idea. 

Ruki: Get off the counter and walk to its other side, where there is space. 

She followed the order. 

Ruki: Put your hands on the counter and take a step back. Bend forward. Open your legs slightly apart. She did as she was told with shallow breathing, his heart skipped a beat again. He placed himself behind her and bent forward leaving a small kiss behind her ear. She moaned. He grabbed her hairs and pulled them back gently, she moaned again. "Not that vanilla after all, huh" he whispered to her ear. She did not answer but moaned again. 

He stood up again and held her hips and slowly thrust himself in her. She moaned louder. If she got louder than that everyone would hear them and the prospect excited him. First, he moved slowly making sure she was okay with it. Then he started moving faster and thrusting deeper. She was warm and tight. He felt like being sucked in her. Even if he wanted to stop he would not be able to at this rate. 

He wanted to call her name as she moaned, he wanted to let it roll off his tongue but she was very clear that it was not an option. He wondered what she would do. Slap him? Stop and leave? Would she slap him and stay? Would she even slap anyone? She seemed too nice to do that considering she had many chances during the night to slap a few creepy men. He tried really hard not to call her name. It was not something he would do no normally anyway but this time it felt different. Was it because he wanted to find something to connect to? Or was it because he was told not to do that he never liked following the rules. 

With his every move he could feel her legs shaking more and more, her moans got louder and louder. They were not even groans, she was outright screaming. He was turned on by the noise and the prospect of being found but it also made him panic. The faster and deeper he thrust the louder she became and he could feel her being close, she had started trembling slightly. He pulled her arms off the counter and pressed her to the counter. Her hands immediately grabbed the sides of the counter tightly. Then he pressed his body on hers, creating a skin to skin contact. 

Ruki: You gotta lower your voice. 

She answered with another scream-like-moan, pressing her forehead to the cold marble. He cursed and saw a tea towel right to his left on the counter, without thinking about it for a second he pushed it into her mouth to stop her from screaming. She was about to protest but he put his hands on her wrists, keeping her from moving. Even with the towel in her mouth, she was loud but at least the whole house would not be able to hear her. 

Ruki: I am sorry. 

He moved her hairs away from her face so he could see her face and held her wrist down again quickly. To his surprise, she did not look angry. She would definitely pinch him later though. He continued increasing the force he put into it. "Uhm gon hum" she moaned with the towel in her mouth. He smiled and put more force into his next thrust and he kissed right under her left ear and then remembered she had bitten him so he returned the favour with a bit of sucking. Her body went stiff then started trembling horribly. This was his chance, he whispered her name to her ear repeatedly. She would not be able to do anything.

She trembled pinned between him and the counter, he could feel the strength leaving her legs. He kept holding her there while staying in her but he had not stopped moving. Was he torturing her like this he wondered but he could not help himself. The small noises she made were irresistible. He waited until she stopped trembling and her breathing turned somewhat normal. 

Ruki: Can you stand on your own. 

"Na", she mumbled and tried to free her hand from his grip. 

Ruki: Sorry. 

He let go of one of her hands and removed the tea towel from her mouth.

Kaya: You are unbelievable. I told you not to call my name. And a tea towel? 

Ruki: First of all, you were screaming a lot, I panicked. Second of all, I am bad at following rules and it felt good to call your name. 

He kissed the nape of her neck and her shoulders as she was still pinned between him and the counter. 

Ruki: Also, you try to sound angry but I do not feel threatened. 

Kaya: Fucking cute romantic. It is because you are so cute I can not be angry and you are good. 

Ruki: You moaned when I did this. 

He whispered her name again to her ear. 

Kaya: Uhh, it feels good, okay? Fuck.

He grinned at her and nuzzled behind her ear. He liked it there, it was warm and it smelled like a chilly night after the rain. 

Ruki: Is this a perfume? 

Kaya: I doubt so, I do not use perfume really. Hey, do I not smell sweaty? What smell are you talking about?

Ruki: You are gonna be mad but you smell fresh, like a chilly night after the rain. Out in the countryside maybe, not like drunk Tokyo. 

Kaya: Hahaha, drunk Tokyo. Thanks, it is good to know. Wait... You are still... Are you not done?! She had just realised him moving. 

Ruki: No.

Kaya: Oh dear god. 

Ruki: What? Can you not do one tiny round more? 

Kaya: Well, I can. I think... How long? 

Ruki: This is not a math equation but... Not long? 

Kaya: Well, as long as we are done before others wake up in an hour.

He laughed, she was right. Sun was coming up already, it was past 5 am. He rubbed his nose to the nape of her neck again before standing up. 

Ruki: I promise. Stand up and turn around. My rules this time. 

She did as he asked again with a tiny smile hidden in her lips.

Kaya: Let me guess, you want to face me. 

Ruki put his nose next to hers, pressed his forehead onto hers and looked into her eyes. 

Ruki: I do Kaya. I want to see you. Because I know this will be my last chance. 

Kaya: Bloody romantic. How do you know that?

He grabbed her under her butt and sat her up on the counter. 

Ruki: Something in me tells me that I would be lucky if you do not go and call a taxi as soon as we are done here. 

Kaya: Is this your plan then? Keep me occupied until everyone wakes up so it would be weird if I left?

Ruki: No, that was not my plan. 

He grabbed her legs and pulled her to the edge again and thrust himself in. Tighter than before, warmer than before. He would lose himself. She threw her head back, exposing her pure neck. He pulled her head back and whispered into her ear.

Ruki: Now I am thinking though, that maybe I should leave a mark or two so that you won't be able to find someone for a week or so and you will call me again. 

He pulled her head back by pulling her hair and exposed her neck again. He expected her to protest but once more, she surprised him. She whimpered as she nodded. 

Ruki: Are you serious? 

She dug her nails into his back pressing him to herself, "shut up and do it!" she ordered in one breath. So he did. First, he kissed her neck down to her collar bones. Then he picked a few spots to suck and bite. She moaned and whimpered with each kiss and bite. He felt like he was getting too much pleasure from this, way too much. He stopped himself and looked at what he had done. Some of the round marks had already turned deep red.

Ruki: I am sorry, I am sorry, I lost control. 

Kaya: Shut up. I told you to. Continue now. Please. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and thrust herself to him. She would drive him crazy. He should have never started this. He knew if he had to, he'd beg at her door, not for sex only, but to see her. He cursed and started thrusting himself slowly, he wanted to enjoy it this time. He wanted to memorise her expression with his every movement. After a while he started shaking, he could not hold longer. He buried his face between her breasts and whispered her name again and again between every moan. "Look at me" she ordered but he could not lift his head, he was very close. She grabbed his neck and pulled his face upwards, facing hers, then she kissed him. He realised they were both trembling.

Ruki: Kaya? Kaya: Do it, oh god! 

He thrust himself as deep and as fast as he could one last time and they both came undone in each others' arms. He listened to her heartbeats as he tried to catch his breath. She was saying something but it was all too far away. He had never felt it so strongly like this it kinda scared him. A thought passed his mind, "You can do it again.". He could not believe himself. He was getting addicted to her. That is how he felt. Like a chocolate that melted in your mouth, that one that made you want to take one more, she was the same. He wanted one more and he knew afterwards he would want one more. Not that he could or he should, but he wanted it. She left a kiss on his head and rustled his hair. 

Kaya: I hate you, I hate you. You are addicting. You are still in but I want more. 

She groaned. 

Kaya: I hate you. 

Ruki: Good to know, goal accomplished. Service provided excellently. 

She laughed. 

Kaya: Stupid, stupid cute man. It is all because you smiled at me like that. 

Ruki: I thought it was all because you put your underwear in my pocket. I will keep it.

Kaya: Sure. Come out now, we need to clean. 

He sighed and removed himself. His whole body was sore but he did not regret it. He helped her clean the countertop and herself then they both got dressed. He pulled her closer and looked at her neck.

Ruki: I doubt any amount of concealer will cover these. 

Kaya: I hope you have a scarf or something like that because I do not. So you achieved your goal? 

Ruki: Only if you come back to me. 

She shook her head in disbelief. 

Kaya: You can give me a lift then after breakfast.

Ruki: A lift? To anywhere specific? 

Kaya: Uhm... How about we drive to a far off forest and do it in the car? 

Ruki: You are kidding! She started laughing. 

Kaya: Yes, I am. Oh well, you could drive me to my place then and...

Ruki: And what? 

Kaya: Call my name out if you want to. 

His heart skipped a beat. She was inviting him to her house. 

Kaya: Do not ask if I mean it. I said it and I meant it. She left a kiss on his cheek before walking out of the kitchen.


	2. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As if the first night he spent with her was not confusing enough, Ruki went to Kaya's house for another round without even understand why.

During the breakfast, he tried not to look at her much and she returned the favour back by ignoring him mostly. He was able to find a shirt he did not use and a thin scarf at the bottom of his bag. He did not know how and why but he was glad it was there as it helped cover most of the marks he had left on her neck and chest. He felt horrible looking at the marks even though it was she who accepted and pushed for it. Few people commented on her shirt and scarf but it seemed like no one caught on the act except Miyo. She caught him when he was alone coming back from the toilet.

Miyo: Nice scarf.

He did not answer.

Miyo: No need to get red and hide it. I heard her and then I saw you. You should have been told she is extremely loud. I will want my scarf back.

Ruki: That was you?

Miyo: When I said I saw you, I meant I saw you. Got it?

He chuckled. He probably should not but could not help himself.

Miyo: Pretty smug aren't we?

Ruki: Can not help. Did everyone hear it?

Miyo: You'd like that no? Getting the prettiest girl at the party.

Ruki shrugged. She was kinda right.

Miyo: It was just me your highness, I am sorry. Everyone else was too drunk.

Ruki: Do you always have her back?

Miyo: Always. Oh, if you only knew you'd understand it.

Ruki: Tell me?

Miyo: It is not my place. Look, Ruki. Whatever it is you are doing with her, please be nice to her.

Ruki: At this rate, it will be my heart that is broken, not hers.

Miyo: Ruki, hear me out. Be. nice. to. her. Whatever it is you are doing, be nice or I will chop you to pieces.

Ruki: Yes ma'am.

Miyo: Will you give her a lift to the city, we can not today.

Ruki: Yes I will, she already asked. You are staying?

Miyo: None of your business you little pervy biter.

He walked away as he laughed. He now knew why they were spending so much time with Kai and his wife nowadays but he did not want to use that just yet. After breakfast, he gave a ride to Kaya and his friend Shou. He dropped Shou first as he was hoping she had really meant what she said earlier that morning. He was clueless about how he could still want to continue and how he could actually do it but he knew he could and he wanted it. As if she had read his mind she punched her address to the map app on his phone. She was living quite close to him, he really could not understand how they have not met before. He parked the car to the parking spot.

Kaya: Get your bag in, you can take a shower if you want. God knows I need a bath.

He did as he was told, she looked tired and he did not want to make her repeat. The house looked new and it was big for a single person. There was a lot of greenery around it. When he walked in from the entrance he saw there was an inner garden. Not very big but still enough space for a small table and a sofa and plenty of greenery.

Ruki: Do you live alone here?

Kaya: Yes I do. It is quite new actually, I have not gotten so used to it.

Ruki: Do you use the whole house?

Kaya: Hm.. No. Sometimes. My nieces come to stay and my parents too from time to time. They live in Oosaka now so they come to stay. Ha ha ha Funny.

It took him a second to figure out that she was not laughing at him. She grabbed something from the stool standing next to the door at the living room entrance and showed it to him. It was a bunch of condoms with different textures.

Kaya: My sister thinks she is funny. I told her that I was going to a party to stay the night and she thought it was that kind of a party. You keep some of them for later, apparently, you need some in your wallet. I will start the water for the bath.

She started walking away as she stripped. He just stood there and watched her walk away with condoms in his hand. Did she mean to use it with her or just later with anyone. Use now or later? He could not think. She walked back naked as if she could read his mind.

Kaya: Are you coming?

Ruki: Did you mean to use these now?

Kaya: Why? It would be a waste of them, I still have not taken pills, just keep them for later. Come.

Ruki: Kaya.

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: I want one more.

Kaya: I got that much. So come.

He undressed and followed her up the stairs to the bathroom. He could not see his surroundings, he had no idea where he was if he had to describe. She made him sit on the edge of the tub and sat on, her back turned, and took him in. Up until that moment, he was in a haze and then he woke up. He held her arms, pushing her forwards by pressing her back and started thrusting in as deeply as he could. She moaned but it was so high, coming so deep from, it sounded like a scream. He moved faster and thrust deeper causing her to shout and scream. He enjoyed making her shout higher as it turned him on. She started begging, repeating "please" again and again. He did not know what she was begging for or to who. He slowed down and held her in his arms.

Ruki: Kaya, are you okay?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: Why are you saying "please, please, please".

Kaya: Did I? I am sorry.

She laid her head to shoulder nuzzling to his neck. He wanted to take her on a date, he wanted to date her like normal people would do. Why was it so hard? This... The way she nuzzled her nose to him, the way he held her feeling her body, he wanted this. It was way too intimate and it made him want things to be that way all the time.

Kaya: I think it might have been too strong.

Ruki: We can stop. I think I made enough damage for one day.

She chuckled.

Kaya: No, Just a bit slower, okay? 

Ruki: Gentler? Like a... What did you call it, oh, like a blood romantic?

She nodded as she smiled. He turned around and kissed her then he pushed her up to stand like before but he moved slowly this time, thrusting deep but slower, gentler, allowing them both to feel the movement. He felt like it was more intense than before. He did not know if it was because he was tired, or because of the position or because of the fact that he felt more comfortable with her now. Whatever it was, it felt more intense, warmer, tighter and stronger. After a while, he heard her trying to talk. She was trying to say she was close, she was not the only one. 

Ruki: Go for it.

He could feel the build-up and would not be able to hold any longer. This normally was the point where he would tell his partner he liked them or he loved them but he could not tell that to Kaya. He was afraid it would roll from his lips as he was used to saying it, so he called out her name instead, as he came into her. She trembled for a long while, it felt stronger and deeper than before too.

At some point, her legs gave in so they both fell to the floor on their knees as he was still inside her. He came out and gently let her lay on the floor and collapsed on her. He could not speak, he could barely breathe. He laid there feeling her soft warm skin, her heartbeats and listened to her breathing. When he could breathe again he found her hand, pushed his fingers between hers and held her hand. He loved the intimacy of it. He really could not do without the intimacy and he had to feel it. Was he really a "blood romantic" as she kept calling him. Was it bad anyway?

Kaya: A Kaya sandwich, huh?

He bit into her shoulder gently as not to leave a mark. She chuckled and closed her fingers around his.

Ruki: It's pretty delicious if I might say.

Kaya: I have to tape your mouth the next time.

Ruki: You want a second round?

He slipped his free hand between her legs and pushed a finger in, she gasped. It was really wet and sticky. He was surprised he could go for another round. Had he taken something accidentally?

Kaya: One. One last. The last one. oh fuck... Last one. How come you can still go?

Ruki: Beats me but the point is, I want to enjoy it while I can.

Kaya: So this is not normal, right?

Ruki: No, no. At least within such a short time, it is not normal.

Kaya: Thank god. Do it.

He heard the notification from the bathtub saying it was ready but they both ignored it. He slowly thrust himself in, she was definitely addicting, if he had the option, he'd stay there forever. Ruki pulled the hairs that covered her face and rested his forehead on her temple. Kaya looked back at him with a smile.

Ruki: You do not hate it?

Kaya: I have no other choice it seems.

He left a kiss on her cheek and held her hands to get strength from them, almost using her to stabilise them both and started thrusting slowly at first and went faster and deeper matching with her moans. He also left kisses on her face and her neck. This was the most intimate he had been with her, considering it has only been a night. Her grip over his fingers tightened suddenly, he knew she was close. He thrust deeper and faster than before and came undone and collapsed on her one more time whispering her name.

Kaya: You are not even trying are you?

Ruki: I am.

Kaya: I don't believe you.

Ruki: You said it feels good.

Kaya: Unfortunately it does and that is why I can not get angry at you. That was last.

He started moving himself out but then thrust in her again and chuckled as she gasped.

Kaya: Fuck...Oh god... No way.

Ruki: I am joking.

Kaya: Does not feel like you are.

Ruki: I would have a heart attack.

He moved himself out of her and sat on the floor. She rolled to her back and looked at the ceiling. "I hate you" she mumbled.

Ruki: You keep saying that and I am not sure if I should be taking it personally or not.

Kaya sat up and kissed him.

Kaya: Don't take it personally but it is annoying how good you are at breaking that one rule.

She looked beautiful with her cheeks blushing, her hairs falling over her naked shoulders, she just simply looked beautiful. He felt his stomach protest. What did it protest?

Kaya: Stop staring at me like that, go take shower. I will find that pill before you want more. How can you still be going for it? Isn't it even a bit raw?

Ruki: Are you?

Kaya: Yes. There are bath salts next to the bathtub so pick one.

Ruki: You want me in?

She stared at him.

Kaya: Yes. I did not invite you here just for sex. What did you think?

He did not know what he thought. He had not really.

Kaya: Is that it? You were going to leave after being done? No more sex no more you?

She looked angry for the first time after all the rules she set and he broke.

Ruki: No! That is definitely not what I thought. The thing is, I do not know what I thought. You invited me so I followed you.

Kaya: Like a puppy.

Ruki: I am a dog person.

Kaya: I see. I meant it when I said I do not do one night stands. I did not invite you here for sex, it just happened to roll down that way.

Ruki: I am sorry I came off wrong. I really was not running. I do not do one night stands too.

She sighed and got up before saying anything else and left the bathroom. He listened to a bit after her, she was going through drawers. He got up and quickly took a shower making sure he cleaned himself nicely. It was strange he still wanted to have sex after doing it twice now and the one before. He tried to think about something else and continued washing up. By the time he had chosen the bath salt Kaya was back and was already taking a shower. He cleaned up the mess they left on the floor, then entered the warm bathtub. His muscles ached as he soaked into the bath, the hot water immediately started working on his muscles. He watched her shower in silence from the tub.

Ruki: Are you angry at me?

Kaya: I do not think so. I... I thought I misjudged you, read it wrong. I... Oh... I am not sure where I am going. Does that make sense?

Ruki nodded. It did make sense. He knew the feeling. He had felt it before and he has been feeling it with her from the very beginning.

Kaya: Fold your legs.

He did as he was told and fold his legs pulling them to his chest and allowed her to enter the bathtub. She sighed as she sat down, put her head back resting it at the edge of the tub. Ruki stretched his legs back, putting them to her both sides. She smiled, a tiny smile almost impossible to see, but it was a smile.

Kaya: Yuzu?

Ruki: I thought it would be interesting.

Kaya: Definitely tingling with all that rawness.

Ruki: Kaya?

She did not look at him, her eyes were closed, her head resting on the edge still.

Kaya: Ask it. But I can not assure you for answers.

Ruki: Okay. I just need to wrap my head around. Here are the spoilers, I do not do one night stands. I start things for doing it a long period, or at least that is the hope. Do I make sense?

Kaya: Yes, you are not having fun, I got it.

Ruki: No, I am being more serious nowadays. Have never been interested in starting something just for it to end shortly.

Kaya: I see, old man.

Ruki: I guess I am. So, here are my questions, if you do not do one night stands, but you are also not in it for dating what is exactly happening?

Kaya: I guess you would call it friends with benefits?

Ruki: So your male friends are all your partners?

Kaya: Aahahah god no! No. I usually meet with someone, through an app or at a bar or anywhere really and we usually go for a "date". Just a meeting really. I will usually judge the guy and see if I want to take it on. Not everyone passes the test really. It is a general agreement, an unspoken agreement when you meet with these people. If it works we go to a hotel for the first time. I do not go to people's houses before the third time.

Ruki: You make them pay for the rooms, don't you?

She chuckled.

Kaya: Sure. One has to show he is willing.

Ruki: But it never is a true date or relationship? I mean how does that work really?

Kaya: Usually the idea is, we would go to a movie, a museum or dinner whatever but we do not talk like couples or act like couples. More like friends, if you did not realise, life in Tokyo can be depressingly lonely.

Ruki: You never wanted to be more serious with one of them?

Kaya: I...No not really. I tried, I told you I had a "boyfriend".

She raised her head and looked at him for the first time since coming into the bathtub. There was a sadness in her eyes, something deep in her, buried.

Kaya: Miyo suggested I see this guy after having so many "friends". So I met him and he seemed nice. Like really nice. He was sweet and all so I was with him for two months, maybe three. He turned out to be the worst douche-lying-bag. So I went back to my "friends". I gave it a chance, okay? Life is fine as it is. I have someone when I need, and I can be alone when I want.

That was not the reason for her sadness but obviously, she did not want to part that information so he did not push. He chose to focus on different information she had parted with.

Ruki: So you go to hotels, or to their house after a while?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: What about bringing them here?

She smiled.

Kaya: Aaah, that part you got on quickly. No. I do not bring them to my home, it is my place, mine alone.

Ruki: And where does that put me between a "one-night-stand" to "friends with benefits"?

She bit her lip, thinking for an answer.

Kaya: The cute guy who bit me? I counted, 5-6?

Ruki: Be serious. I mean it. I am not interested in being friends with benefits. I am not the type who would wait for you to call him while you are out there having sex with others.

Kaya: I have no answers for you. I really do not. I do not know. Look, look at me.

He looked into her eyes. Honesty. She was being honest.

Kaya: I did not mean to start something last night. I swear. I do not know what came over me and I put my underwear in your pocket. I do not know what came over me and... I allowed you in. God, I allowed you to bite me like that. I do not know why. I do not know why I asked you here. I wish I had a better answer other than just saying it felt like the right thing to do but that is all I have. It felt like the right thing to do, and it felt good to do.

She licked her lips and looked away.

Kaya: I guess the question is then what do you want?

His stomach complained again. He had no answers either. She turned him on, incredibly a lot. But that was it. Or it felt like that was it only. He did not know her, he had no idea who she actually was. It was probably a bad idea he was sitting in her bathtub, without anyone knowing about his whereabouts. What did he want?

Kaya: You do not know why you came here either, right?

He did not. He knew nothing, just like her.

Ruki: How about we clean the slate and start from the beginning? And get to know each other?

Kaya: Ruki... I do not date.

Ruki: I said nothing about dating. I saw get to know each other. Maybe we will be better off as acquaintances or friends?

She sighed and moved around in the bathtub turning her back to him. Then she laid back, putting her back to his chest and sat between his legs.

Ruki: You are horribly unhelpful.

Kaya: I am sorry.

He watched the curve of her lips, how it turned slightly upwards at the top, a tiny slope. Her lips were moving as if she wanted to say something but nothing really came out. Why was the sadness in her eyes? He sighed and put his arms around her pulling her in tighter.

Kaya: What are you doing now?

Ruki: Asking myself exactly that. Kaya, what do you want from me?

Her bottom lip quivered as she was about to cry but she pressed down whatever it was.

Kaya: I want you to stay for dinner. I usually cook for my friends. I like doing that.

Ruki: Why are you sad like this now?

He touched her lips and traced the slope he found before. She forced a smile.

Ruki: Because I want to be friends?

Kaya: No. Definitely not that. Let's say I am angry at myself for not knowing what I am doing. I thought I had it all figured out until I met you. Then I accidentally called you-

Ruki: - the cute guy. I still remember that. Fuck.. You know what the problem is. I am as confused as you are. If you invited me into your bed now, I would go. If you called me in a week and said, "come here", I would come and that's bad. But I do not think you'd come if I called.

Kaya: Give it a try, you might be surprised.

Ruki: Really? Am I that cute?

Kaya: You are stupid.

She smiled again, a genuine one. It made him happy to be able to make her smile again.

Ruki: I have one more honesty to give and you like it or not, take it or leave it, here it is. I think I like you -

Kaya: Yo-

Ruki: Jeez, let me finish woman. I like you but, I do not know if it is because of all the good sex or because I see something in you that makes me stay. But I do not know you. I mean it, I really would like you to give me the chance to get to know you.

Kaya: So you are saying if we tried being friends, you could keep it in your pants? Or if we made rules, you'd keep it. You, who could not follow one single wish. You?

Ruki: I got the point, I did. I would do my best is all I can say. You are the one to talk and promise. No more underwear in my pockets, no more talk about sex swings or beads, no more...

He was hard.

Kaya: You can not even.

Ruki: See that is why it is going to be filed away. Is that okay with you? Because I am not hundred per cent comfortable with what is going on right now.

Kaya: Friend dinner.

Ruki: Friends?

She sat up and turned to face him, she had that pretty smile on, the one he had seen before and felt attracted to. It was a simple, pure smile with no other meanings attached. It made him want to kiss her, he bit his lip to stop himself. She chuckled as if she read his mind.

Kaya: We are still in the bath and naked, one last kiss will not change that.

He wanted more. What the fuck was he doing.

Ruki: What if I suggested one last round?

Kaya: No. It hurts now. When I said I like it hot I did not think of 4 times within less than 12 hours apart from each other.

Ruki: I will take what I can. One last kiss.

She first kissed him gently by pressing her lips to his then she kissed him again this time using her tongue. He moaned and she kissed him again and put her warm hands on his chest. Without his control, his hands found her breasts then slid down to her hips. "I hate you" she mumbled into his mouth as her lips were still pressed to his. Then she climbed on him guiding him in her as she moaned.

Ruki: I thought it was a no and I was invited to dinner.

Kaya: Shut up. I am horrible at keeping promises.

He supported her by her hips as she moved slowly adjusting to her tempo. He watched the changes in her facial expression as she enjoyed herself. How was it that he had ended up here? He sat next to her at the bench. It felt like ages ago but it was only last night. Less than 24 hours. But he wanted all of her, her as if he was starved. He wanted a re-do, a clean beginning, wind back to a year ago and approach her instead of hiding away.

She started moving faster, thrusting in deeper.

"Call my name" she said in one breath between her moans.

Ruki: What?

She looked at him in the eye.

Kaya: I want you to... call my name. Your stupid intimacy rubs off. I want you to say it, when you are coming. I am close by the way.

He pulled her in for a kiss then moaned her name while pressing his lips to her. Then he pressed her body to his as they both trembled in each other's arms and came undone. After collecting herself a bit she tried to get up but he kept hugging her.

Kaya: Ruki...

Ruki: I regret it, I regret it so much not coming to you last year and introducing myself to you from the beginning.

Kaya: I like cigarette stealer. Do not worry so much about it.

Ruki: We might have ended up differently. Does not matter where.

Kaya: Okay then, could I introduce myself to you? From the beginning.

He loosened his grip around her allowing her to sit up.

Ruki: When you are naked?

Kaya: Can not get more honest than that.

Ruki: And we end this, whatever this is, here.

Kaya: Yes, the stranger I do not know.

He smiled unintentionally.

Ruki: Hello.

Kaya: Hello, I am Kaya Louise Howard.

Ruki: Hello Mrs Howard. I am Matsumoto Ruki. Just Ruki.

Kaya: Well, just Kaya then. What do you do for a living Ruki?

Ruki: Me? Oh.. Uhm... I design, I have a small lifestyle brand and then I do tattoo designs and I write lyrics sometimes to singers, bands.

Kaya: Oh wow, really?

Ruki: Yep. What about you?

Kaya: Well, I am an interior designer and help with structural changes and do general interior design for the company I am working for. I also teach gymnastics/ballet for kids.

Ruki: A ballerina?

Kaya: Ex. Not dancing one.

Ruki: Why not?

Her smile faded suddenly, he knew he passed that threshold where he was not supposed to question.

Kaya: Let's say I lost my will to dance. My inspiration. Anyway, I would like to see your items one day.

Ruki: Sure. Anytime you want. Howard? American?

Kaya: Ouch. British.

Ruki: Louise... Ruize... I see now, Rucchan.

Kaya: Miyo?

He nodded.

Kaya: She never got any better with that deep L sound. But I think Louise, the reading is more German than English anyway. I guess you have an elder sibling.

Ruki: How did you know? An elder brother, 9 years apart.

Kaya: I am the youngest kid too, you kinda read it after a while. I have an elder sister by around 8 years or so.

Ruki: A lot in common. Nieces, nephews?

Kaya: Two nieces and a nephew.

Ruki: Wow!

Kaya: They started early.

Ruki: You were born and raised here?

Kaya: Yes. In Oosaka, where my parents are still living. I was born in Oosaka but then we moved to Tokyo and I grew up here. Then my parents went back leaving me and my sister here. I lived outside of Japan for a few years and yeah came back later.

Ruki: Interesting. Why not stay there?

Kaya: Long story but let's say I missed home.

Ruki: British accent?

She chuckled and said: " Quite a lot actually.", in English with a British accent.

Ruki: Yeah the appeal is there. I am from Kanagawa, overall, very boring.

Kaya: Really?

Ruki: I guess it would be funny if I said I learned how to golf and I was a club carrier.

Kaya: What?! Really?!

Ruki: Yes. I am not the best at it but not horrible either.

Kaya: Shocking. Anything else?

Ruki: Calligraphy and swimming. We lived closed to the bay.

Kaya: Calligraphy, isn't it something everyone has?

Ruki: I had private lessons.

Kaya: Oh, fancy-schmancy parents? Private school?

Ruki: Slightly. Private school to a point.

Kaya: I see now.

Ruki: What do you see?

Kaya: You'd like to know right.

Ruki: Fine, I will drop. How do you know Uruha?

Kaya: Miyo. Do you think they will ever come clean about their relationship?

Ruki: Ussan and Aoi? Hmm... I hope so, it is so stupid to act like we do not know.

Kaya: Would you like to take a nap before any dinner talk? Because I am about to pass out, I did not sleep well last night.

Ruki: Slee- Of course, I did not sleep well either. Could I use your couch?

She nodded then stopped and laughed.

Kaya: You know, acting like nothing happened is so stupid. So let's stop that.

Ruki: Thank god.

She smiled as she got up and reached out for her bathrobe.

Kaya: I will find you something, just wait.

He watched her leave dropping water drops behind her. His stomach complained again, twisting. " You want her", it hissed at him. He groaned and closed his eyes. What was happening?

Kaya: Are you okay?

She was back with a towel for him and his clothes. She looked worried.

Ruki: I am fine. I am thinking about what I have been doing.

Kaya: Let it go. Call it the night you had fun and let it go. Come.

She held her hand out to help him out then wrapped the towel around his head and dried his hairs. It reminded him of Erika. She used to do that with a smile, she would let him lay on her stomach and would play with his hairs too. There was a lump in his throat that would not go down. He tried to hide it and took the towel from her drying himself. Then he followed her to the bedroom to change into his clothes. As he was dressing a picture on a night stand grabbed his attention. He could see it was Kaya on the picture, smiling to a man next to her. The man was smiling back at her, his eyes full of love. She looked happy and in love. He was not sure if he was right but something in him said that she was madly in love with him.

She saw him looking at the picture and quickly grabbed the picture and pressed it to her chest, hiding it from his stares. Ruki looked at her to read her face but she looked away.

Ruki: I am sorry, I did not mean to put m-

Kaya: This is a line I'd like you to pay attention to. I will not let you cross it. You do not, I repeat, do not ask about him.

Ruki: I am sorry. It is your privacy and I do not mean to cross it.

Kaya: Thank you. You can take that extra pillow and there is a blanket on the couch downstairs, so just take it. I can wake you up in an hour or so. If I can wake up.

He took the pillow that was on the bed, it smelled slightly of her. Then he turned around silently to leave her alone and go downstairs but it felt weird to leave like that. He wouldn't be able to sleep feeling like he left with a cold last word between them. He stopped midway.

Ruki: Wait, are you giving me this pillow so it can smell like me? Then you can hug it and sleep at night? Will you miss me that much?

She stared at him for a second, shocked, then started laughing. His stomach twisted again. She had a pretty laugh. He was right the first time when he had thought she had a naturally "flirtatious" laugh. It just made him want to flirt with her, not that she was trying.

Kaya: You are not even trying are you?

Ruki: I am! See it worked, I got you to laugh.

Kaya: Aah I see I see. Ruki?

Ruki: Yes.

Kaya: I am not angry at you for staring and that is not why I am telling you to go down. It is just... This is my room, strictly mine and I'd like to keep it that way.

Ruki: Not offended by it. I could leave if you wanted to. If it feels weird to have me here.

She tightened her grip around the picture and thought about it for a while.

Kaya: It is up to you. I'd really like to cook for you though. I enjoy cooking for others more than I enjoy cooking for myself.

Ruki thought about it for a while then put the pillow down. It felt weird, the whole thing felt weird. The last 24 hours or so have been completely opposite of what he would do normally. He needed space and time to think and clear his mind, find his footing again. 

Ruki: Look. I did not come here for sex only. I think I came because I wanted to have time with you and get to know you but... I do not think it is a good idea for me to stay like this. I will take rain-check on that dinner, maybe next week? Then we can really act like two adults rather tha-

Kaya: Horny teenagers? 

He chuckled and nodded. 

Ruki: This is not just sex, I swear that is not who I am.

She sighed and nodded.

Kaya: Next weekend? 

Ruki: It's a date.

"It is not a date.", she said with a serious voice.

Ruki: It is a promise?

Kaya: I'll take that. Just close the door behind you, it can not be opened from outside. 

Ruki: I will leave my phone number downstairs, just call as you want. Goodbye Kaya. 

Kaya: Goodbye.

He slowly left the room, pulling the sliding door behind him. However, he could not walk away. Part of him wanted to stay with her, hug her and sleep next to her while the other part struggled to walk away. He kept his hand on the door handle and listened to her from the small opening, waiting if she would come out to stop him from going. She did not. What was he thinking anyway, it was clear she was not the type to do that. 

He was about to leave when he heard a small sob that stopped him. He opened the door slightly to see in. She was sitting on the floor, her back turned to him, her knees pulled to her chest. She was crying silently with the picture pressed to her chest, her head down and she was murmuring something. Ruki thought she repeated "I am sorry" but he could not be sure, it was almost a whisper. He wanted to go in and hug her, he wanted to hold and comfort this woman he had just met. He wanted to make her smile and laugh. Why did he care so much if she cried or smiled? She was practically just an acquaintance at this rate. 

"Stupid man, you are blind", said a voice inside him. He bit his lip hard to stop himself from saying something and going in to hold her, then he forced himself to walk away. It was better if she did not know he stayed and listened to her. She had asked for privacy and he was not giving it. He quickly grabbed his bag from the entrance and left the house. 

He sat down in his car thinking. What was he thinking? He could not catch his own train of thoughts, it just rode past him too fast. He decided he was getting a headache from it all rather than any meaningful information. He pulled his phone and texted Reita. 

"Can I meet you two on Monday for dinner? It is important.", then he sent it. It would give him good two days to rest and think about what had happened and what he was doing. Then he slowly drove home to get a much-deserved rest.


	3. Advisors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruki goes to the only person who will listen to him and help him out with his feelings towards Kaya.

Reita set a big glass of ice tea on the table for three of them. The summer heat had hit earlier than usual and it was unbearable. Miyo just keep looking at him, he felt like she was feeling sorry for him. He sighed.

Ruki: So you are saying she really would not go on a proper date with me?

She tapped on the table and thought for a second before replying.

Miyo: The problem is not you Ruki. It is... It is her. She is... Look it really is not my place to explain her life and her problems to you. All I can say is that she is going through a bad time and she just needs to do what she feels like she needs to do. You can not rush this.

Reita: Another thing is that, do you like her? Like it feels like you want to ask her out just because that is the thing to do. Do you know what I mean?

Ruki groaned and closed his eyes.

Ruki: Here is the thing, I do not think I can separate my feelings from what happened. I think I like her but right now, I am not sure if it is just a sexual thing.

Miyo: How many times was it?

Ruki: No, we do not go there. You ladies can if you want. By the way, I did not know you talked that much.

Miyo: We do. Ruki, Kaya will not be able to turn your feelings now, I just want to let you know. Even if you decide you like her for who she is, she will find it hard turning those feelings openly.

Ruki: That boy in the picture...

Miyo: You were in her bedroom?!

Ruki: Briefly. I saw the picture and she was not happy about it.

Miyo: No wonder. Look, Ruki. What would you achieve with a date?

Ruki: It would be a normal thing, where you get to know the person for who they are and not just their body or how they look. How she looks is not a concern anyway, obviously, she is very beautiful and hot. She is very pretty when she smiles too and... I wills top now.

Miyo shook her head but she was smiling.

Miyo: Oh my dear boy, you like her don't you?

Ruki: I do not know that. I do not know her.

Miyo: Let me break it to you, the whole night you looked at her almost ignoring everyone else. Surprisingly, you were not drooling but you looked head over heels-

Reita: In love.

Ruki: I do not think this is love, to be honest. I do not remember going through this before.

Reita: Were you not the one making jokes all night long?

Miyo: Trying to get her to laugh.

Ruki: Did I?

Miyo nodded with a cheeky smile.

Ruki sat back on his chair.

Miyo: Is there anything else you like in her?

Ruki: Okay, let me think out loud.

Reita: Oh shit, he will speak for an hour.

Miyo: Let him.

Ruki: Okay. I truly think she is beautiful. She has a pure beauty even without makeup and after the shower, when she has no makeup, she looks prettier. I like seeing her smile and hearing her laugh and I will accept I try to make her laugh.

How stopped what else was there?

Reita: It ended quickly.

Ruki: Shut up. She smells nice. She smells fucking nice and I'd like to smell her.

Miyo: Creepy but smells are related to pheromones. So I guess acceptable.

Ruki: Right?

Reita: Just do not go around trying to smell her. Will you?

Ruki: I promise. As far as I noticed she is kind and gentle and lively. Very lively. Cheeky even. She also has a nice voice now I think.

He had not thought about it before but her voice was very soft, mellowy. It felt like being wrapped up in a soft and warm blanket. He associated it with safety and familiarity suddenly. 

Ruki: Fuck.

He did like him.

Miyo: Oh there it hits.

Ruki: See that is why I needed a talk. Are you a hundred per cent sure she will not accept a date?

Miyo: I can not say it for sure but...

Reita: You have a really horrible choice in women mate, really bad.

Ruki: Her heart belongs to someone else?

Reita nodded and Miyo avoided an answer. Then she saw him nodding and elbowed him in the ribs.

Miyo: Unbelievable. Ruki, aren't you still thinking of Erika? If you want Ruize as a rebound, forget it. I will feed you to wolves. So is it not okay the way it is and you just hand out with her? If you want to have sex, do that, that is not my problem. I do not want to know either. But if you really would like to consider getting to know her and see how that will go, maybe you can soften her up, then she is a great friend to have. She is usually fun, considerate and loyal. Take those first.

Reita: The lady might be right you know. Why not take it even slower this time?

Ruki: Can I be honest?

Miyo: I thought you have been being honest already. I mean...

Ruki: I am afraid for falling for her, for anyone only to have my heart broken again. I really do not have the energy for it any more. I might become the crazy old dog man.

Miyo smiled at him, not pitying but showing understanding.

Miyo: Take the dinner offer. She is a great cook.

Reita: And take it slow.

Ruki: Urghhh... Fuck this.

He was angry at himself. Why had he let it drag along so far and could not hold himself? Over the weekend he had tried forgetting about her, her crying and the sex, however, no matter how hard he had tried, every time he had closed his eyes, her face appeared in front of him. Her smile would just play over and over again in his head. He had already fallen for her and he was angry at his inability to do things normal or find someone emotionally available.

Reita: Look Ruki, you will eventually find someone.

Ruki: I am doubting it a lot right now.

Miyo: Come on now. Look, give her a call and properly arrange that dinner, will you? Come on call her.

Ruki: I do not have her phone number. She has mine but she did not call back.

Miyo rolled her eyes, she was slightly irritated.

Miyo: You are a moron. Give me your phone.

He hesitantly gave his phone to her and watched her type the numbers and save it on his phone. Then to his horror, she pressed 'call'.

Ruki: No!

Miyo shrugged and grinned. Ruki tried to take the phone but she avoided him skillfully. She only returned the phone when Kaya answered it. Ruki just stared at the phone for a second listening to Kaya saying "hello?" on the other hand. Why was he panicking so much?

"Hello?"

He sighed and answered as he got off the table and walked away from Miyo and Reita.

Ruki: Hello.

Kaya: Oh! Ruki. It is you.

Ruki: Yeah.

Kaya: I am sorry I did not call. I was busy. Where did you get my number from? I do not think I gave it.

Perfect, now he looked like a needy stalker.

Ruki: Miyo gave it.

Kaya: Oh, I should have seen it coming. I am glad you called.

Ruki: Really?

Kaya: Yes, I really am. So, that dinner I promised.

Ruki: So it is still on the table.

Kaya: Yes, just a sec.

"River, get down from there, that is dangerous.", she said in English with a British accent to someone else.

Kaya: Sorry, I have my nieces and we are making a cake.

Ruki: Oh that is sweet. How many?

Kaya: The cake or the nieces?

He chuckled.

Ruki: Nieces.

Kaya: Two of them. River and Rainn. Third on the way. They better find a name that fits the theme.

Ruki: So there is a theme to their names?

Kaya: I doubt it really. River!

She put the phone down and walked away. He listened to her speaking with her niece in a British accent, it was muffled but he could still hear her soft voice. She was talking gently explaining something. He tried to imagine her in her kitchen talking to a small child. The image warmed him. He shook his head and slapped himself on the forehead. He was not helpful to himself.

Kaya: Sorry. Look, this weekend, Saturday at 4 pm? You come for early drinks, coffee or tea and I can cook for you. I like the company. Does that sound good?

Ruki: Yes actually I would like that. Do you need me to bring anything?

Kaya: Flowers maybe. I like putting them on the table.

Ruki: I guess that is a given, I meant anything else.

Kaya: Oh, no no. I got the rest. No worries I will feed you well.

Ruki could hear her chuckle even though she tried to be quiet. He could see it clearly, her smiling on the phone. He wanted to ask her about her crying but decided not to in the end. There was no point other than showing her he could not stop himself from prying into her privacy.

Kaya: You are awfully silent today.

Ruki: I am sorry. I am a bit tired, that is it. Also shocked to hear you are an aunt. You sound- Never mind.

She laughed.

Kaya: Come on say it. I sound cute with my nieces.

Ruki: Yes you do, you really do. Do you like kids?

She sighed, suddenly the happiness in her voice was gone. "Yes, I do.", she said but the words carried no joy. It sounded painful. He had hit the wrong spot.

Ruki: I like them too. I also have nieces. So you have a sister or brother?

Kaya: Did we not talk about this before? Uhmm... Sister, 10 years apart.

Ruki: Oh so you are also the younger child. I have a brother.

Kaya: Ditto. How far apart between you and your brother?

Ruki: 9 years.

Kaya: It is hard right. It is almost like being the only child but you are not really.

Ruki: I know right. He is there but not really the same connection. I envy people with siblings who are closer in age.

Kaya: Oh tell me.

Ruki: I will let you bake but, I guess that our deal is a proper real deal for this weekend?

Kaya: Well, I guess it is a date.

Ruki: I thought you-

Kaya: Oh shut up, you know what I mean.

Ruki: Do I?

She chuckled again. He wanted to go and see her, he wanted to see her now.

Ruki: I wish I could see you with your nieces. It would be fun.

Kaya: You bloody sentimental man. You can come if you want but I can not guarantee a peaceful visit.

Ruki: Do you really mean it?

Kaya: Would you really come if I said come now?

He thought about it for a second. That was all he needed.

Ruki: I would.

Kaya: You are horrible, I hate you.

Ruki: Do you really?

Kaya: No, not really. Just a bit. What would you do if you came?

He chuckled.

Ruki: Nothing naughty. Play with kids, help out. I don't know.

Kaya: Do you really mean it? Would you really come if I say: "come now".

Ruki: Yes, without thinking about it I would. So...

Kaya: So what? Rainn, mix this, will you. So what Ruki?

Ruki: So do you want me to come?

He really was hopeless. She did not answer and a long silence stretched and stretched between them.

Ruki: Kaya?

Kaya: I am thinking.

She was at least considering it.

Kaya: No, do not come. My sister would kill me, we have an agreement about my men and her kids.

Ruki: Your men? So I am your man?

Kaya: You know what I mean. How is it that I am being teased now?

Ruki: Hmm, I don't know.

Kaya: Ruki?

Ruki: Yes.

Kaya: I am really happy you called.

There was a change in her voice, she sounded really grateful but in a shy way. It reminded him of the time he was in junior high and asked a girl out, how he had blushed and turned shy.

Ruki: Are you blushing right now?

Kaya: We are on the phone, what are you talking about?

Ruki: You are blushing.

Kaya: Jeez, River, am I blushing? Am I red on the cheeks? Apparently, I am. Are you happy?

Ruki: Did I make you blush?

Kaya: You have a smug face don't you?

Ruki: I can not lie.

Kaya: You are flirting.

Ruki: Sorry. I will be a good boy.

Kaya: I gotta go Ruki but I really meant it, I am glad you called. See you ate the weekend.

Ruki: See you.

The line went silent. He looked at his screen for a while, thinking about her blushing and thanking, before closing it and walking back to the table.

Miyo: Someone had a good talk.

Ruki: What?

Reita: You have the stupidest smile on your face.

Ruki: I am hopeless, am I not?

Miyo: You are. But you know what, I like you Ruki so I will help you out. For Kaya, you need to be careful, tread lightly and slowly. It will be painful, let me tell you that. You need to be patient, and gentle and caring. That is for the chance of getting a proper date with her. Not to be his boyfriend or anything. You will have to nurture it like if she is a rare flower and it has to bloom on its own terms, you can not force it.

Ruki: What changed your heart suddenly?

Miyo: I saw your stupid happy face talking with her. I know her well, I know you too.

Reita: She is saying, she has a soft spot for you.

Miyo: Shu-

Miyo's phone started ringing, she looked at the screen and smiled.

Miyo: Rucchan.

She answered the phone and put it on the speakers then gestured Ruki and Reita to be quiet.

Miyo: Hey Rucchan. You are on the speaker, by the way, I am eating. How are you?

Kaya: You gave him my phone number?

Miyo: Did I now?

Kaya: You know you did.

Miyo: Was it a bad thing to do?

Kaya: No... I am not angry. I am glad you did. Oh, thank you for the scarf too.

Miyo laughed.

Miyo: How did you know?

Kaya: I remembered it from before. You lent it to me last summer to protect me from the sun, remember? It had a small hole in the hem on the right side.

Miyo: Oh I see.

Kaya: So you saw us?

Miyo: Well, I have seen worse.

Kaya laughed on the other side.

Kaya: Wait, I have the girls, I need to go out.

They heard her talking with the kids and opening the door to the garden and it closing again.

Kaya: So the thing is, I invited him to my house and we continued.

Miyo: No way! You invited him?

Kaya: Yeah. I think I scared him off.

Miyo: What do you mean?

Miyo looked at him, questioning.

Kaya: Ugh... I... I took him to my bathroom and after the shower, he saw Alex's picture and of course I did what I do. I reacted and Uhm... I invited him for dinner but he thought it was better to leave so I think I scared him. I mean talk about psychotic. He also probably thinks I am one of those girls who flirts and invite guys around for sex. I really did not show my best I think.

Miyo: Oh come on now! I doubt he thinks that. Let me tell you if he thought that he would have not come to your house. He is a helpless romantic.

Kaya: Well, I invited him for dinner again so I hope I can fix my mess.

Miyo: For more?

Kaya: NO! Like a friend. I... Well, I would like to get to know him, he was nice so I would like to be at least friends I think. And, he made me blush so... I guess he deserves that much.

Miyo: You like him?

Miyo looked at Ruki once more, she had a naughty smile on her face. He shook his head, he felt good knowing her thought process but also felt horrible as it felt like he was robbing her of her privacy.

Kaya: I... I don't know. Don't ask me that. Anyway, I called you to ask do you know what he likes to eat?

Miyo: Oh you are being extra nice to him.

Kaya: I am not.

Miyo: You very well know you are.

Kaya: Do you know or not?

Miyo: He likes Italian food. Pasta is a good choice.

Ruki nodded with a smile.

Miyo: Oh! That fresh pasta you made for us was divine! Home-made from scratch, fresh... Oh, you will steal his heart. He will be forever yours.

They heard Kaya laugh on the other side.

Kaya: You are so stupid. I am trying to be a normal person a friend. But, really?

Miyo: You are horrible. Yes really. Fish and pasta would be nice. All cooked by you, ultimate romantic gesture.

Kaya: It is really not the point.

Miyo: You said he made you blush. So really nothing?

Kaya: I do not expect anything Miyo, I really do not want to scare him off like last time.

Miyo: Well, still, he likes gestures that come from the bottom of one's heart. Also, he has a leg fetish, he likes legs. So wear a good dress and be a good girl.

Kaya laughed on the other side, but Ruki was mortified. He wanted to stop Miyo but she just laughed it off.

Kaya: You are so weird. Are you even listening to me?

Miyo: All I am saying is that there is nothing wrong in making him speechless.

Kaya: Actually he is really cute when he is flustered.

Why was she telling this to Miyo? He could feel himself get redder and redder. He wanted to disappear.

Miyo: How did you get him flustered?

Kaya: Well, I was really curious about Kai's room. The sex room.

Miyo: Oh no!

Kaya: Well yes. I really mean it when I say this, I had not thought it through and I really did not know what some of those things were. Oh my god, this is so embarrassing! Oh my god, I fucking asked him about what an anal bead is and a sex swing.

Miyo's jaw dropped.

Miyo: You did not.

Kaya: Oh my god yes I did! I really did not know what they were and oh my god I am fucking embarrassed. Maybe I should call off the dinner. Jesus.

Miyo could not hold herself and started laughing violently, she was even slapping the table.

Kaya: Stop! Oh my god!

Miyo: And he got flustered.

Kaya: More than that but yeah.

Miyo: Did you at least learn what they were for then?

Kaya: I uhm... Oh this is also slightly embarrassing.

Miyo's jaw dropped again, her eyes grew. She closed her mouth with her hands.

Miyo: Oh my god. You bought something, didn't you?

Kaya: I got... Uhm.. Well I got curious and I looked into it and I got turned on so I bought some.

Ruki wished he had not heard it and saw Reita shooking his head and leaving. He had heard more than enough but Ruki was not that wise. He was paralysed, he could not get up and leave and he was shouting in his mind. Miyo, on the other hand, enjoyed torturing him.

Miyo: What did you buy?

Kaya: Oh Miyo...

Miyo: Tell me.

Kaya: Well... Uhm...Look I do have a vibrator okay, I am not that naïve but... I did not know you could get double-ended ones, or something called a thruster. Oh god.

Miyo: Oh my fucking god! Shall we get you your own room?

Kaya: I also bought the fucking bead-plugs and they vibrate Miyo. If you have not tried it before, I recommend them.

Miyo: You bought it fast.

Kaya: I was really turned on.

Miyo: You bad, bad girl.

Kaya laughed.

Miyo: A thruster? For which side are we talking about.

Kaya: Do you want to know for real?

Miyo: I would like to know how dirty my friend is.

Kaya: You are so silly. I got both for your information.

Miyo: Holly shit. Please do not use them both at the same time unless you are into really hardcore things.

Ruki's mind was blank. Everything was just white, he could hear the talk but his brain was just numb. He could not talk, react, he just stared at the wall. It was too much.

Kaya: I would not dare. I am a bit scared using them, to be honest, I did not know it was uhm... that big.

Miyo: Oh dear god. Well, try the vibrating bead-plug with a partner. Trust me.

Kaya: Oh no! How would that conversation go? "Let's go see some art and would you like to put a vibrator up my ass?" I'd rather die.

Miyo: You just need someone you trust. Not just a guy you take to bed.

Kaya: Well... Still embarrassing but I do know of a person who might want to try.

Miyo: Uhm... Who is this lucky guy?

Kaya: I would give him a heart attack but I saw his face when I asked about the beads.

Miyo: Are you talking about Ruki?

Miyo bit her lip not to laugh and looked at Ruki. He felt like it was just his body sitting and hearing things.

Miyo: Would you really ask him?

Kaya: No! I wouldn't. First of all, it is embarrassing and it is not helpful when I am trying to show him that it was not just about sex. Also, I am trying to be friends with him, remember?

Miyo: I am just saying why not enjoy both ends of it?

Kaya: You are fucking horrible.

Miyo: Look, I hear you like him, and you can not say you do not like him. I hear you.

Kaya: He was nice, I am not denying and that is why I am trying to be a normal human.

Miyo: Is that for him?

Kaya: You are pushing your luck, why are you asking so many questions about him all of a sudden anyway? You never introduced us before.

Miyo: That is my fault I guess. I like the guy okay, he is a good friend. I do not want to see him sad as much as I do not want to see you sad and unfortunately, he always ends up falling for women who are not available, let's put it that way.

Kaya: Are you saying you think he fell for me?

Miyo: He'd be stupid not to.

Kaya: He'd be stupid to do.

Miyo: You say that now but I know you are a big romantic deep down.

Kaya: Shuddup.

Miyo: Can I ask you something, Kaya?

Kaya: Oh calling me Kaya, how serious is this?

Miyo: I am pretty serious.

Kaya sighed loudly.

Miyo: Why did you invite him in the first place? Just because you wanted to continue the night before and that was the last chance-

Kaya: No! It was not that! I mean... I wanted the sex but... Uhm... I just wanted him there. For some reason, I found it hard to say goodbye to him. Miyo...

Kaya's voice on the phone had changed. Was she crying? He could hear her sniffing. Miyo's jaw also tensed up.

Miyo: It is okay honey.

Kaya: He reminded me of...

Her voice was shaking, she was crying after all. Ruki whispered "Stop" to Miyo. He did not want her to cry.

Kaya: I hate this. I hate the way I am.

Miyo picked her phone up and turned the speakers off, then she got up and walked away. Ruki continued sitting not knowing what had happened and what he was actually thinking. Reita came back to the table with a big glass of water.

Reita: Are you okay?

Ruki: I do not know.

Reita: What did they talk?

Ruki: I am not telling that to you.

Reita: Maybe for the better. You do not look okay.

Ruki: I... I am speechless and confused. Really speechless. I might be hating Miyo for a while.

Reita shook his head and shrugged.

Reita: That is the way she is, you really get used to it after a while.

Miyo came back and sat down. She did not look particularly happy.

Ruki: Really? What did you do?

Miyo: Aren't you happy to know she liked you too and wants things to be "normal".

Ruki: That talk! Close your ears Reita but the beads talk, that was you trying to get things be normal? Beads.

Miyo: Vibrating ones, think about that.

Reita: I hardly doubt that is helpful.

Miyo: They are hot.

Reita: I know they are, I said they are not helpful for him.

Ruki: You two!

Miyo: Ruki. She likes you. Start with that. I was just joking with the beads.

Ruki: Really not helpful.

Miyo: Hear me out, she likes you. That is a rare thing to hear from her. It is either the guys are creepy or OK. There was one that was good who "dated" her for two months or so. There has not been a guy she outright liked. That is your victory. You must have a magical genital.

Ruki: Please stop now.

Miyo laughed.

Miyo: I am sorry but I know the count. Anyway, now the thing you have to do is to keep her happy. You follow her signals essentially and be nice to her. Be nice and I mean it. Be gentle and be there for her and she will open up slowly.

Ruki: I feel more confused than before. Miyo, her heart belongs to someone else, does it not? The sex and others are just a filler for the whole.

Miyo: I do not know how to explain this to you but it is not my place to talk about her feelings and explain things to you like that. How to put this... Let's call it that her heart is broken and she guards its pieces. That is all. You have a chance, little man. How about that?

Ruki: I feel like for the first time in a long long while I need strong alcohol to knock me out. Well this or that way, I needed the talk.

Reita: Wanna sleep here tonight? We could play games and just hang out. Could help take your attention away? Overthinking is never good.

Ruki: I would love that actually. Koron likes it here too.

Reita: Yeah you need music and game therapy. let's go!

Ruki stayed with Reita for two days and they just played games or talked about music. Time to time he also played the guitar, it always made him melancholic to play it but it was better than just thinking about Kaya.

He had accepted he liked her but he did not know what to do with that information. Where to go from there, he was at lost. He did not want to be just friends with her, he wanted more. He was always impatient. So he used the opportunity to push the thoughts of her aside and enjoy the time with his friend.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would the dinner with Kaya solve anything or would it make things more complicated?

  
  
  
Ruki looked at himself in the mirror and undid his hair for the fifth time. He did not like how he looked, he did not like how his hair looked. Somehow in the last hour, his mood started to get darker and darker. He remembered how beautiful Kaya looked without makeup. He felt like he was not deserving of her. Then he pinched himself. She was the one who invited him, she was the one who deemed him enough. Enough for something at least, so who was he to say what she could choose and not choose. He re-tied his hair in a half bun for the 6th time. Then he took his shirt off. He felt like it was something he would wear for a date. Even Koron had gotten bored and started sleeping underneath the pile of clothing he had been creating over the last two hours.

Finally, he gave in and called Reita. He picked the phone up in the 5th ring. Why was it he never had his phone close by?

Reita: Hi!

Ruki: Hello!

Reita: What's up?

Ruki: I can not decide what to wear.

Reita: Huh? Is that why you are calling me for? Me?

Ruki: I have that thing with Kaya tonight.

Reita: Oh! The date!

Ruki: It is not a date, so I am told.

Reita: I see I see. Just wear what you would wear daily.

Ruki: That is really not you would wear when you are invited to dinner. I'd do that to you but not to someone who I just met.

Reita: Oh I see, I am a third rate citizen. Women you like/date, people who you just met and me. Thanks.

Ruki chuckled: "You know what I mean."

Reita: I really do not see the point. Why not just wear a t-shirt and go?

Ruki heard Miyo shouting "NO!" in the background. He listened to Miyo scolding him and asking for the phone. Ruki could imagine both of them rolling their eyes to each other.

Miyo: This is Miyo.

Ruki: I could hear it.

Miyo: Funny boy. Listen up, dress up nicely but not too nice to make it feel like a date.

Ruki: You are not that helpful.

Miyo: Well, she also called to ask not knowing what to wear. I told her to wear a satin slip-on dress that shows her legs. Sexy one. So...

Ruki: Why did y- Wait! She called too?

Miyo: Yep. It must have been the most amazing sex in her life because I have never heard her this nervous and excited about a dinner guest before.

Ruki: Shuddup.

Miyo: Are you pouting but secretly proud of yourself?

Ruki: You know me well. Miyo I really do not know what to wear. I changed 20 times.

Miyo: Okay, okay. Let's see. Wear your nice boots first of all and a black jean. It should be easy. Put on a short-sleeved shirt, formal but not too formal. And put a.. hm.. It is hot outside but her house gets cold. Put a cardigan on top. No, that jacket you designed last winter. The jacket shirt. It was really nice. You will look nice but not too date like.

Ruki: And you told her to wear a sexy dress?

Miyo: I did. Wouldn't you like to see her blush a bit?

Ruki: So you did it on purpose?

Miyo: You can bet I did.

Ruki: You are a horrible friend.

Miyo: I love you too Ruki.

Ruki: Miyo, one last question. Shall I bring her something other than a flower?

Miyo: What do you mean?

Ruki looked at the bag he had prepared which was standing right next to his bed.

Ruki: Well... I... I heard her with her nieces so I got them something and she asked for flowers so there is that. Then I thought I could give her something from my brand, like a thank you for the dinner.

Miyo: Wow... To her nieces too?

Ruki: It is too awkward.

Miyo: Well... It is a bit awkward... Hey, just give it. She would like it I think. She adores those girls. They are her everything so... She will like it. Ruki?

Ruki: Yes.

Miyo: Take a deep breath and do what you want to do. Give her the gift if you want, she will think it is interesting. Okay, gotta go now. Good luck big boy.

She laughed and ended the call before Ruki could answer. They had talked more than he had imagined and wanted to know. He sighed and put on the black shirt back on again. He realised it was what he had done when he was in junior high. It was his first proper date and he had really liked the girl. He wanted everything to be proper and perfect and he had taken hours getting ready. He remembered how his stomach knotted and how his heartbeats got faster.

He stopped and listened to his body for a second. The stomach knots, rising heartbeats, giddiness... They were all there. He was a 33-year-old man who felt like a 15-year-old boy on his first date. The sad part of it was, it was not a date. If things could be that simple. He put on his shoe and got the bag with gifts and the flower and was about to walk out of the room when he remembered he had forgotten something very important. Koron got up and sat on the bed as he was reminding and scolding him at the same time.

"I am so dumb", he said to Koron. He had forgotten arranging someone to come and take care of Koron. He took his phone out and called Kaya.

Kaya: Hellooo.

Ruki: Hi.

Kaya: You sound gloomy. Hey! You can not back up from the dinner, I prepared so much.

Ruki: How did you guess that. Well... I forgot to arrange a dog sitter. I can not leave him alone all night long.

Kaya: Then bring him. I love dogs and let me tell you, they love me too.

Ruki: I am not surprised by that somehow. Are you sure?

Kaya: Pretty sure. Just bring him. I am not letting you off the hook that easily.

Ruki: So, you really want me to come, huh?

Kaya: All this delicious food would be hard to eat alone and I worked too hard to let them go to waste.

Ruki chuckled: "See you in 10 then."

Kaya: See you.

He did not end the call, nor did she. She sounded as if she was blushing, or he preferred to imagine so. They just stayed on the line listening to each others' breathing for a while. He could not bring himself to cut the line. He could hear her go around her house opening doors and lights and turning them off again. She sighed.

Kaya: You are still there? I thought you were coming.

Ruki: You did not close the phone.

Kaya: Neither did you. I will close it now. See you here.

She did end the call this time. Why was his heart beating like this?

He packed a bag for Koron, put him in it and grabbed the other bag with gifts and left the house.   
  
  


When he reached her place it took his a while to knock on the door. He really felt like a teenager on his first date. He had to remind himself that this was not a date and he had to try not to get turned on by her.

"Koron, be a good boy, okay? And... Hope that your dad makes it out okay tonight. Also... If it comes to that, don't be a cock blocker, 'kay? Good to agree on these.", he said and petted Koron before ringing the bell. He could see her coming to the door from the glass panelling on the side of the door. She did have a nice black satin slip-on dress that ended just above her knees and there was a small slit on each side of the dress. Her light brown hair was done in a half bun just like his. He could not decide if it was dark blonde or light brown. She looked cute.

Kaya stood there for a while looking through the glass, looking at him and smiling. She was flushing and had a coy smile. He believed his face was the same. She finally opened the door, still smiling.

Kaya: Looking at you, I think I dressed too much. Come in.

She moved aside allowing him to enter. Ruki put all the bags down. Koron was unusually quiet. He stood up again and looked at her.

Ruki: Maybe I underdressed. You look beautiful.

She blushed and looked down on her feet.

Kaya: Can I be honest?

Ruki: Of course.

She kept staring at her feet.

Kaya: I panicked a bit. I called Miyo for advice on what to wear. I do not think she was trying to be helpful.

Ruki: Panicked?

Kaya nodded.

Kaya: I did not want to dress too casual, did not want to dress too sexy, sluty or for a date. I panicked. Now I think it is still too sexy.

Ruki: Hm... I think it is fine. The host is allowed to dress as she wants.

She chuckled and smile at him as she pushed free strands of hair behind her ear.

Ruki: I know this is not a date, but I feel like a teenager on his first date.

Kaya: Oh well, good to know I am not alone. I did not expect this to be easy anyway. Your dog is very quiet.

She was changing the subject, he followed her lead.

Ruki: Oh yeah, surprisingly.

He bent down and let Koron out. Koron slowly walked to Kaya. She bent down as well and allowed Koron to smell her hand then Koron pushed his head to her hand asking for pets.

Kaya: He is so gentle.

Ruki: Yes, he really is.

Kaya picked up Koron and petted him.

Kaya: Okay shall we go in, tea?

Ruki: Yes, please.

Kaya: Let me guess, something herbal?

Ruki: Are you guessing based on what you tasted before?

Kaya: Sneaky bad boy. But yes.

Ruki carried his bags in and put a cup of water for Koron near the kitchen.

Kaya: What are all those bags? Are you moving in?

Ruki: Wouldn't you hate me?

Kaya: You think so?

Ruki: No one but me can bear with me... I can not either so, yes.

Kaya laughed as she set the kettle.

Kaya: Strange. I thought you were the most bearable person I met in a long long time. Did you get me flowers?

Ruki: That is not how gifts work. You are not supposed to ask it like that.

Kaya: That was not a gift. I really wanted you to bring flowers for the table. I cook and my guests do the table. That is usually the deal.

Ruki: Oh I see. Yes, I did bring it.

He found the bouquet and set it on the table. It was a small bouquet with white and blue flowers. Kaya continued holding Koron in her arms as she came close to see the bouquet.

Kaya: Blue! Oh, This is so pretty Ruki. I love it. 

Ruki: I am glad. I ended up with blue after thinking a while. I think I associate you with blue, maybe because of your name but I think you are a blue person.

Kaya: That I might be. I love the colour. Oh, it also has a vase! That is so nice. Set it on the table, will you? Does it need a change of water though? 

Ruki: No I did that. 

Kaya: How thoughtful of you. So, tea? 

Ruki: Chamomile if you have.

She opened a cupboard and brought down a box with teas in it. After searching a while she found chamomile tea and set it in a cup for him and poured water over it. She did things one by one as she kept holding Koron in her one hand.

Ruki: He will not die if you put him down you know.

Kaya chuckled and left a kiss on Koron's head. The dog tried to kiss her back which was surprising because as gentle as he was, he was not the type of dog to kiss everyone back. He preferred just walking away.

Ruki: Dogs do really like you.

Kaya: I guess they sense. I grew up with dogs as well and love them a lot. We can sit in the living room if you want, most of the food is ready and needs cooking only and a salad maybe.

Ruki grabbed their cups and followed her to the living room, after setting them down went back and grabbed the gifts. He felt nervous, maybe it was awkward. 

Kaya: What is that face?

She was watching him over the couch with Koron.

Ruki: I have ... I have gifts but now I feel it is awkward.

Kaya: Depends, is it thank you for the food gift or thank you for the unforgettable sex gift? 

Ruki: Was it that unforgettable?

She chuckled and buried her face into the pillows. 

Ruki: Sorry I can not hear you, can you repeat that again.

Kaya: Horrible monster you are.

Ruki: You were teasing me before, I did not start it. 

Kaya: It was good. 

Ruki: Wait, was it just good or unforgettable.

She blushed and spoke to the pillow "Unforgettable".

He had to stop fiddling with the bag and watch her for a while. He really liked her, he did. He wanted to kiss her and flirt with her, and joke with her. He wanted to take her out for dinner and spend his evenings with her but if he told it to her, she would joke around and change the subject. Then she would never get in touch with him again. Somehow, he could feel this and was sure of it. It was not his paranoia, he knew it. She raised her head and looked at him biting her lip. She was aware of her effect on anyone.

Ruki: You are smart.

Kaya: How come?

Ruki: You know how you look, you know it has an effect on people when you smile at them like that.

Kaya: You think I am using it? 

Ruki: Are you telling me you are not using it now? 

Kaya: Fair enough. Now? Yes. Normally? No. I am sorry, I am really not trying to do anything. Show me your gift.

She laid her head on the couch and watched him take the packages out. 

Ruki: I really think it is awkward now but, I have a gift for your nieces.

Kaya: My nieces? 

Ruki nodded.

Kaya: For my nieces?

Ruki: I heard you on the phone and I could not help myself. I thought you were cute with them so...

Kaya: So you got them a gift?

Ruki: You can completely forget this conversation if you want to. I did not talk about any gifts. 

Kaya: Let me see them.

He gave the small pack to her. She unwrapped it quickly and gently.

Kaya: Oh these! I love them. These are so sweet. 

It was three small human-like mice made of fabric.

Ruki: The big one is you and the other two is them, I thought it could be a fun way for them to make stories. 

Kaya: This is so cute. I love it! I am sure they will love it too. I never had a friend come for dinner and bring gifts for my nieces. This is precious. Thank you so much. 

Ruki: So it is okay?

She pressed the mice to her chest.

Kaya: More than okay. Just shows I need to feed you better. 

Ruki: I have one more. Only for you.

Kaya: Are you sure you only want dinner? 

Ruki laughed. 

Ruki: You are as bad as me. Actually worse!

Kaya: I am just double checking that you do not have any other goal.

Ruki: Yes sure. I did not wrap this but this is a gift I would give to all my friends I think.

He gave her the black sweater he had designed for his brand. She looked surprised. After putting Koron on the couch she got up and held it on herself.

Kaya: You buy your friends sweaters? You do not like our choices? 

Ruki laughed. 

Ruki: No, it is my design from my brand. It is soft and cosy with some wool so good for fall. 

Her eyes grew.

Kaya: Can I wear it now? 

Ruki: Up to you.

Kaya: This looks gorgeous by the way. 

She pulled the sweater on and it fit her perfectly. 

Kaya: Wow! This is so soft. Oh, I love it.

Ruki: May I do one thing? 

Kaya: Sure, as long as it is not a kiss. I am aware you are getting me mellow. 

Ruki: Oh so my plain is found. 

She pinched him gently on the arm. He got up and rolled her sleeves up to style the sweater. She seemed tinier, skinnier than he remembered. He was about to step back when he saw the black mark on her neck. He touched it gently and she gasped. 

Ruki: Does it hurt? 

Kaya: Not really. But no meetings for me for a while.

She chuckled.

Ruki: Oh well you can rest then. 

Kaya: I hate you for real. 

Ruki: Is that why you keep smiling at me? 

Kaya: Yes. This is a great sweater by the way. I like it a lot and Ruki?

Ruki: Yes?

Kaya: You are too close. 

He took a step back from her. He really wanted to kiss her or tell her how he felt. "Be quiet and you get to enjoy her more, speak and be miserable forever.", said a voice in him. He could not move away, he was paralysed watching her.

Kaya: Your tea is getting cold.

Ruki: Thanks. 

He sat on the couch and took a big sip from his tea. 

Kaya: So, you enjoy designing don't you?

Ruki: Don't you? 

Kaya: I do. It is satisfying.

Ruki: Interiors versus architecture? 

Kaya: Ow! Hard question. Oh can I say both? 

Ruki: Hmm, I will give it to you, but why?

Kaya: I think it compliments each other. Music or design?

He did not have to think. His answer was clear no matter how touchy of a subject it was for him.

Ruki: Music. 

Kaya: I should have known. How is it writing for others?

Ruki: My full honesty?

She nodded. Her full attention was on him. When he looked at her he felt like he could tell her darkest deepest desires and horrors and she would take them all in without complaint. 

Ruki: It sucks. I hate it sometimes. I love making music, I love writing but when it is for others, sometimes it is not appreciated and the feelings are not there. So when I listen to them later on, it feels empty, void of any feelings towards the music. So I end up never listening to them again. Everyone else likes it though.

Kaya: So you just write and forget? 

Ruki: Kind of.

Kaya: How does it work? Like do you write based on what they want?

Ruki: I do not write for everyone. I usually come up with a concept or have some songs written out and bring it on the table. They choose what they like. Some people have a similar vision to mine so we talk about a concept and see. Really changes a lot. But I do not write when I am forced to do something I am not following. I just do not do that. 

Kaya: Why stop? I mean you care a lot for it.

Ruki: We tried for years and years and we thought we made it but got unlucky. Got screwed by some people and in the end, it all fell apart. We had made a promise that it would be our last band together. Then I did not have the energy and will to do it again. It is not just I gave up but I felt angry and nothing nice came out of it. 

Kaya: Why not try again now? 

Ruki: I think it is too late. 

Kaya: I am told it is never too late for things.

Ruki watched her for a while. She looked somehow defeated. He could see there were things that she felt were too late too. Her regrets laid bare on her face. 

Ruki: There are things for you wish you could turn the time back?

Kaya: Ditto. 

Ruki: Care to share?

Kaya: No, not particularly. My demons are my demons. My regrets are my regrets. I'd rather keep them.

Ruki: But you like hearing mine? 

Kaya: That's what friends are for. 

Ruki: Well, I guess I can only say I will listen to it whenever you need to let it out. 

Kaya: Thank you. What were you doing in the band then? 

Ruki: Let's see... I was on drums but never got as good as Kai I think. Then I was a vocalist.

Kaya: So you sing.

Ruki: Not any more. 

Kaya: Will you sing for me? 

Ruki: No way. 

Kaya: Come on.

Ruki: No.

Kaya: Mood killer. Do you play anything else?

Ruki: Guitar and piano. 

Kaya: You are kidding. 

Ruki: No.

Kaya: Come with me. 

She sipped the last of her tea and pulled him up the sofa. Then she dragged him down a corridor that looked to the inner garden. He had not used this one last time. 

Kaya: This is my studio/hobby room. 

She opened the door to a big room with multiple sections. The room was looking into the inner garden as well with big glass windows. Next to the windows stood an easel with a big painting on it. It looked half done. On the other side of the room was a table filled with papers and computer screens. Beside that stood a drawer's table with designs of houses on them. Behind them was a big bookshelf filled with various books. Then to his left stood a platform with a piano on it and behind it, three guitars hung on the wall. He did not know where to start from. 

Ruki: Wow. I am a bit lost. 

Kaya: I wanted to show you these.

She pointed at the piano and the guitars.

Kaya: I also play the piano and the guitar. Thanks to my dad.

Ruki: Aah, I see. An artistic parent.

Kaya: Two actual. 

She painted the easel. 

Kaya: I used to sit on my mom's knee as she painted. She was a professional painter. Still works for a number of limited clients. 

Ruki: And your dad is a musician?

Kaya: Was. He was playing in a band when he met my mom. He was also studying medicine. Then my mom got pregnant so my dad stopped the band and focused on medicine to be able to take care of his family. So he is a doctor now, the smarts in the family.

Ruki: Everyone has their story, huh. So we play the same things, we like creating and designing. Different means but the same end. 

Kaya: I am really surprised no one tried to introduce us earlier. Would have been fun to know you before. Okay, here. 

She walked to the piano and sat down on the bench. After opening the lid for it she played few notes. 

Kaya: What if I played for you, would you sing for me in return? 

Ruki: Me? No.

Kaya: Not even for 10 seconds? 

Ruki: Not today. But if you were to play for me today, I might consider it for next time.

Kaya: So there is a next time.

Ruki: I hope. What about you dancing? Would you dance for me if I sang? 

Kaya: Nope.

She started playing a tune he did not recognise. 

Ruki: Not even for 10 seconds? 

Kaya: Nope. What do your parents do? Someone like you, who has such skills, not that I am blessed to see much of it, it must be coming from somewhere too. 

Ruki: My dad was working in a company, an executive. My mom was the one who had the artistic gene. She plays the koto and taught it to others for a while. She also paints, nothing professional like yours. She likes painting nature. Then she also worked in a shop selling kimonos. She had a pretty good design aesthetic I think. 

Kaya: Do you think she helped you on the way? My mom did, without her encouragement and teaching, I would not be the person I am today. She was the one to enrol me for dance.

Ruki: My relationship with them had been rocky. We are fine now but not the same childhood you had I think.

She changed the tune she was playing.

Ruki: Play for me.

Kaya: If you can ignore my ugly voice.

Ruki: I highly doubt it is ugly. 

Kaya: Sit. 

She pointed to the empty side of her chair. He sat down after a minute of hesitation. Had anyone sung for him before? 

Kaya: I like this song, it is slightly sad but... A sad song is what makes a good love song.

Ruki: Wait, Mrs Howard, are you singing me a love song? 

Kaya: Say it again?

Ruki: Now you are making fun of my pronunciation.

Kaya: Slightly. It was cute. Okay, one song you get then you will help me with food and table.

Ruki: I thought I was a guest. 

Kaya: Welcome to Howard House. 

She changed tunes again and after starting a few times she found her rhythm. Then she started to sing.

" _Standing at the punch table, swallowing punch_

_Can't pay attention to the sound of anyone_

_A little more stupid, a little more scared_

_Every minute, more unprepared_

_I made a mistake in my life today_  
 _Everything I love gets lost in the drawers_  
 _I want to start over, I want to be winning_  
 _Way out of sync from the beginning_ "

He could feel she poured her emotions into it, it was not shallow, void of emotions. 

" _I wanna hurry home to you_  
 _Put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up_  
 _So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain_  
 _God, I'm very, very frightened, I'll overdo it_ "

She did not have a bad voice. It was very warm, warmer than her normal speaking voice, slightly huskier maybe but deep and warm. He liked her voice, he wondered how far she could stretch it, how low and high she could go.

" _Looking for somewhere to stand and stay_  
 _I leaned on the wall and the wall leaned away_  
 _Can I get a minute of not being nervous_  
 _And not thinking of my dick?_ "

She cheekily smiled at him.

" _My leg is sparkles, my leg is pins_  
 _I better get my shit together, better gather my shit in_  
 _You could drive a car through my head in five minutes_  
 _From one side of it to the other_

_I wanna hurry home to you_   
_Put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up_   
_So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain_   
_God, I'm very, very frightened, I'll overdo it_

_You know I dreamed about you_  
 _For twenty-nine years before I saw you_  
 _You know I dreamed about you_  
 _I missed you for, for twenty-nine years_ "

He could not look away from her, he could not stop staring at the movement of her lips, the curves of her mouth, how she would get dimples when she smiled. How come he had not noticed it before? He also had not noticed how her nose was sloped perfectly, the tip of it slightly upturned. Then he saw it, a tiny droplet of a tear rolling down her cheek. her voice had not cracked or wavered for a second. He resisted the urge to wipe the tear away and kiss her. Why did the song make her so sad? He let her finish the song without saying anything. When she finished the song she just looked out of the window and sniffed. She was trying to compose herself. 

"I am sorry", she murmured.

Ruki: It has a lot of meaning for you? 

She nodded.

Ruki: What is it called?

She looked at him, taken aback. She probably expected him to ask more about what it meant to her. He did not have to ask as he had a good hunch it was about the young man in the picture that stayed next to her bed. 

Kaya: It is called Slow Show. A cute song actually. 

Ruki: 29 years... Are you 29? 

Kaya laughed and licked her upper lip.

Kaya: No, not yet. 

Ruki: You are not the same age as Miyo?

Kaya: Well, she was the oldest kid in the class as she was born late in the year. I am 27.

Ruki: When is your birthday?

Kaya: 2nd of January. 

Ruki: 01/02? 

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: Fucking kidding me. 

Kaya: I am lost. I am not kidding you. Why?

Ruki: My birthday is 1st of February.

Her eyes grew wide, "02/01" she murmured. Then she burst into a laugh. 

Kaya: Miyo would say it is fate. 

Ruki: Fucking fate conspirator might be right.

Kaya: Then why we never met before is also about fate? It was not meant to be?

Ruki: Maybe?

He shrugged. She continued laughing a bit more until her face suddenly changed and got more serious.

Kaya: Probably it was for the best as you say. Dinner.

Ruki: Kaya?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: Thank you, you have a lovely voice. My ears did not bleed out. Though, I probably should have known it from the previous experience.

She smiled and left a kiss on his cheek. He knew he was blushing. 

Kaya: Food, now. 

Ruki nodded and followed her back to the kitchen. Koron followed both of them around the house quietly which was very unfitting to him. He was not trying to get attention. Ruki thanked him quietly. 

Ruki: What is for dinner? 

Kaya: Fresh homemade pasta. 

His heart skipped a beat. She really did it.

Ruki: I love pasta. 

Kaya: Really?

He had to hold himself from laughing. If she acted like she did not ask, he would follow the lead.

Ruki: Really. One of my favourites. Sometimes I go to Italy for vacation and end up eating pasta every day. 

She opened the fridge and took some salmon out then started preparing it. Then she stopped.

Kaya: I have a confession.

Ruki: You do?

Kaya: I called Miyo and asked her what you liked. I did not want to cook something just for the sake of cooking something. I wanted to cook something you'd like to show I am a great host.

Ruki: Well, I think you got the title of the best host when you sang and played for me. 

She chuckled and turned back to the fish.

Kaya: Oh, can you get some spinach from the fridge and was them? Then you can chop them to bite sizes. 

He followed her instructions around the kitchen so they prepared the food together. During dinner and dessert, they just talked about their common friends and a bit more about their families. After dinner, they went back to the hobby room and talked about music. They both played a tune or two for the other. Ruki was aware he was just delaying the end of the night. Around eleven she put the guitar down and yawned.

Kaya: I can not play anymore, I am too drunk.

Ruki: I told you to slow down with the wine. 

Kaya: Yes mom.

Ruki: Thank god I am not your mom.

Kaya: Would have been awkward.

Ruki: Definitely.

Kaya: No dad jokes then?

Ruki: God no! Kaya, may I ask you something?

Kaya: Sure. 

Ruki: That painting. It is... It is pretty dark. Is that a self-portrait? 

It was a face, drawn with a lot of details but from the eyes and mouth came small disfigured people. It gave the feeling of horror, despair and being lost. Kaya crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the painting without answering. He knew she was guarding herself, he knew she was not as cheery as she always looked. The first time he came to this house he felt it, the loneliness, the sadness. 

Ruki: Is that how you feel inside?

Kaya bit her lip as if she was trying to stop herself from speaking. Then she sighed and looked at him.

Kaya: There are a lot of times that I feel like that. Scared. Scared by everything and... 

Ruki: From yourself? 

She nodded then buried her face in her hands.

Kaya: I do not know why I am telling you this but... Oh god, you have time to run away without looking back after this. 

He sat back in his chair trying to show her he was not running away.

Kaya: I was treated for depression. It was so bad that I tried to kill myself. 

Ruki: When?

Kaya: Been a while, 6 years to be more precise. I have not been that bad ever since and I have learned to use different mediums to express that, such as painting. 

Ruki: May I ask if it is something you have always had or -

Kaya: It was a rough patch. That was the first time. I took medication, I learned how to deal with it and how to move pass it. It was just a rough patch but there are still times that I want to not leave the house.

Ruki: May I ask about the rough patch?

Kaya: No. 

Ruki: Someone broke your heart badly, didn't they?

Kaya: Ruki... No. I am not doing this.

Ruki: I think I deserve that much. Look, I will not lie. I would like to ask you on a date, not a friends' dinner. I like you a lot and would like to take you on a date, a proper one but you will just not open your heart to anyone, so I think you can explain that much. 

Kaya: I do not own any explanation to you or my life story. 

Ruki: I am painfully aware. I am sorry. 

Kaya: It is okay. Do you really want to ask me on a date?

Ruki: I do. Would you say yes? 

She smiled and shook her head: "No", she said looking at him under her eyelashes. 

Ruki: Are your "men", your way of coping with it all?

Kaya: I guess that would be true. I do not feel like committing to anything.

Ruki: Tell me again, are you just friends? 

Kaya: Yes. Mostly we end up being good friends but I do not tell them about my depression or the things I share with Miyo mostly. 

Ruki: So I am in the same category as Miyo. I can not decide if it is bad or horrible.

She chuckled.

Ruki: Okay, but if you only have one person you are "seeing", isn't that still a commitment?

Kaya: That is why I see more than one.

Ruki: You see more than one?!

She nodded silently avoiding eye contact with him.

Ruki: You see them often? 

Kaya: What is the point in this interrogation?

Ruki: Just curiosity. 

She rolled her eyes. 

Kaya: I see them whenever I want. Whenever we have time. I prefer my own company most of the time but sometimes it gets too lonely. I can find you a girl if you want. 

Ruki: No way. 

Kaya: You can give it a try. 

Ruki: Uhh.. No.

Kaya: Sure? 

Ruki: Pretty sure. It is getting late, I should get going I think. 

She did not say anything but just stared at her hands so Ruki got up to start getting ready but she did not move.

Ruki: Kaya? 

She looked at him with guilt and hesitation in her eyes. She wanted him to stay.

Ruki: Help me out here. 

She finally moved and shook her head, "just go, you should go", she said.

Ruki: Message received. I will close the door behind me. 

She nodded and watched him walked out of the room. Then he heard her footsteps behind him so he stopped and turned around. She was standing in the hallway, away from him.

Kaya: I wanted to say I am glad you came and that I really enjoyed tonight. Thank you. 

Ruki: I am glad too. Kaya?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: You kept your underwear on this time, right? 

Kaya: Yes. Do you want to check? Shit.

She covered her mouth with her hands as she started laughing.

Ruki: Not funny. 

Kaya: I am sorry, I did not mean to. It just came out. I am so sorry. Go! 

He shook his head and had to fight the urge to walk to her and grab her by the hips. 

Ruki: Good night. 

He pushed himself to break himself away from her smile and walked back to the living room. He collected his bags as fast he can because if she came after him again, if he saw her again, he would stay. He left the house as quickly as he can and started driving. Only when he came back to his home did he take a good deep breath. Why was she so hard? He realised his phone was ringing. It was Kaya. He hesitated for a second, he would drive back to her, he really would. But then he decided to take it.

Ruki: Hi.

Kaya: It is not just sex. It is not about it. Just wanted to say that. I really did enjoy talking with you. 

Ruki: What do you have on me, Kaya?

Kaya: What do you mean? 

Ruki: I am asking why I feel like I would drive back the second you'd say "come". 

Kaya: I think you are the only person who is always welcome here, maybe you feel that. 

Ruki: I wonder but I doubt that is it.

Kaya: If you'd want I'd love to have you again for dinner. Or anytime you want really. Casual one. But for now, good night Ruki. 

Ruki: Good night Kaya. 

He let her end the call and continued sitting in his car until it started hurting. He was not really thinking anything either. He was just sitting there, his mind blank. If only he knew what that guy did to break her heart so badly, only if he knew the guy... What would he do anyway? Now a loop was running in his head and it started to give him a headache. After 40 minutes of sitting there without movement, he decided to go up to his apartment and try to sleep. 

The next day he thought about it again and again and again. Finally, he decided he needed time from her. A few days without seeing her, thinking of her would help him clear his mind.


	5. Agreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruki would set his beliefs aside for Kaya as he can not stay away from her and he has a suggestion.

Ruki was startled by Koron's barking. He had been so focused on work he had lost track of time. It was 6 in the evening, he realised he was also starving. Koron kept barking at him. He finally took his headphones and asked him what he wanted as if the dog would answer. Koron just started running towards the door and kept barking. Ruki rushed to the door and answered the door phone.

Ruki: Hello?

"It is Kaya.", said a soft voice. She was hesitant.

Fuck. He had not called her back.

Ruki: Come on up.

He buzzed her in immediately. "I effed up so badly Koron.", he talked to the small dog as he waited anxiously for her to come up. His stomach was in knots when he heard the elevator. She stepped out to the corridor and tried to find her way.

Ruki: Kaya?

She smiled and started walking towards him. She had a simple short-sleeved beige shirt which was tucked into her light blue slim jeans and had brown leather loafers. So this is how she dressed on a normal day.

Kaya: Hi.

Ruki: Hi. I am so-

She raised her hand to stop him.

Kaya: I am sorry to disturb you like this. I just wanted to give this back.

She opened her tote bag and dug in it for something.

Kaya: Here, I found it under the sofa and I thought it was my nieces'.

It was Koron's favourite toy that he had been searching after for a whole week.

Kaya: The bite marks should have given it but uhm yeah... There you go.

Ruki: Thank you.

She tapped her heel to the floor then started turning around.

Ruki: Kaya, do you want to come in? For dinner.

Kaya: Uhm.. No, I have a... A ting.

Ruki: A ting...

She bit her lip and nodded. He did not know what to say to her, he felt horrible. She felt cold.

Kaya: Anyway, I gotta go.

She started walking away. "Stop her, stop her.", said a voice in him but he could not. The knowledge of her going out with another guy gnawed at him. He watched her call back the elevator and walk in. Then she stopped mid-way and looked at him.

Kaya: Ruki, It was really nice meeting you.

Then she walked into the elevator. What did she say? He grabbed his door keys and closed the door behind him then ran towards the elevator. It was already half-way down. He ran towards the stairs, she could not leave like that. He ran downstairs as fast as he could but he was too late, he watched her taxi drive away. He stood there in his knitwear and slippers for a while. Then he walked back home. Koron was unusually quiet.

Ruki: You feel me don't you buddy? You will hate me tomorrow.

He went to his room and got dressed then made a bag for Koron. Then he drove him to Reita and Miyo. He did not explain much when he dropped Koron at them. Reita tried to ask him if he was okay. He knew he looked horrible, angry, anxious. But he did not stay to listen. Then he found a place to eat. She would not be back before late at night anyway. What was he going to do then? He finished his dinner then drove to her house. It was coming to eleven, he wondered when she would return. He parked his car and knocked on the door, even though he knew it was useless. No answer as he expected, so he sat down on the small bench she had in front of the door. He guessed it was for the kids to be able to sit down and put their shoes on.

He sat there for an hour thinking about what he would tell her. It was now past midnight, he felt stupid sitting there Then he remembered she had said she usually spent the night out in a hotel. The thought of it made him angry, he knew he had no right but it made him angry. He was about to get up and leave when he saw a taxi pull over and Kaya get out of the taxi, alone. She didn't see him first, she was lost in her own thoughts then she stopped midway.

Kaya: Ruki?

Ruki: Hi.

Kaya: What are you doing here?

Ruki: You said, " it was nice knowing you.". Like you would not see me again.

She looked away from him.

Kaya: I th- You did not call. For two weeks. I made an open invitation and you did not even consider it. I thought the whole ex-suicidal depressed woman who can not commit was a bit too much.

Ruki: I do not care about your mental problems. I mean I do, but it is not a turn-off.

Kaya: Really?

Ruki: I meant to call you. I just needed a bit time off and think. Then work happened and... I am so sorry. I still want to talk with you and see you.

Kaya: How long have you been waiting here?

Ruki: Over an hour. I thought you were not coming back, spending it out.

She walked closer to him, so close that he could feel her warmth. She also smelled of men's perfume. It was not strong but he could smell it.

Kaya: I did not want to. It did not really work.

Ruki: New guy?

Kaya: Do you want to know?

Ruki: I don't know.

Kaya: I need a shower and I need coffee. Do you want to come in?

Ruki: I would like to.

Kaya: Will you call back next time for dinner?

Ruki: Hey I tried to invite you today.

Kaya: Maybe a little too late.

She opened the door and went directly to the kitchen and started the coffee machine.

Kaya: Do you want some coffee?

Ruki: No.

Kaya: Awfully quiet.

Ruki: Me?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: I do not know what to say. Funny enough, I have been thinking about it for hours.

Kaya: How was that conversation going then?

Ruki: Not sure. I have been apologizing and you accepted it.

Kaya: Then?

Ruki: Not much.

She brought out a box filled with chocolates and popped one in her mouth.

Kaya: Liar, liar, your pants are on fire.

She laughed.

Ruki: Have you had a lot of... things?

Kaya: Things... Is that what we are calling them now?

Ruki: What do you call them? They are not dates, not one night stands...

Kaya: Well, I still call them dates. They are like one I guess. No need to make it more complicated.

Ruki: So have you had many dates?

She popped another chocolate in her mouth as she bent over the kitchen counter towards him. He watched her lips move around as she savoured the chocolate. He would kiss her.

Kaya: Few. Okay, give me 15 minutes. I want a good shower.

She quickly went upstairs without letting him speak. He waited a bit then went after her. He entered the bathroom without knocking.

Kaya: No privacy?

Ruki: I have seen it many times.

She raised her eyes but continued her shower.

Ruki: So if they are dates, why not accept my offer?

Kaya: What you are suggesting is not the type of date I do. You want a cute restaurant date where you take the girl home and kiss her goodbye for a second date.

Ruki: Maybe I just want to watch the girl take shower.

She smiled at him as she washed the soap off her body.

Kaya: What if the girl wants to have dinner with you and be friends?

Ruki: How does the flirting fit in there? Or the sex?

She turned off the water and wrapped herself in a bathrobe.

Kaya: What if the girl can not help it but also can not decide what she wants.

Ruki: So the boy is supposed to sit down and watch her walk away in other men's arms?

Kaya: What if we do not talk about it? I will not mention it and you will not ask.

Ruki: I will do my best. Dinner Friday?

Kaya: Uhm... I am busy.

Ruki: Busy.

Kaya: Ruki...

She did not say anything else, just bit her lip. He wanted her to consider it, he wanted her to give it a chance but she would not give in. He groaned. He was going to regret what he was about to do. He got up and grabbed her by the wrist and pushed her to the wall face down. Then he undid her bathrobe and pulled it down. She gasped but did not resist as he kissed and sucked her neck and shoulders. Then he bit her and she moaned. He did it again and she moaned again and again. He could not take it anymore.

Ruki: Do you enjoy the pain?

Kaya: Do you enjoy causing it?

Ruki: Not particularly.

Kaya: You are angry.

Ruki: This is not me Kaya. Fuck... I do not like conflicting pain on anyone, I am not this angry man.

She freed her hand and turned around to face him, then she pulled him closer to herself. Her neck, chest and shoulders were all filled with bite and sucking marks. One of the bites even broke her skin.

Ruki: Look what I did again. Shit. Fuck this.

He stepped away from her, leaving her pressed to the wall, naked.

Kaya: Why did you do it then?

Ruki: I do not want you to go and see someone else. It worked last time.

Kaya: So you are jealous?

He sat down on the toilet and buried his head in his hands.

Ruki: This is not healthy. This is not me, this is not what I do. I do not bite anyone because I am jealous. Fuck this.

He heard her put on her bathrobe again and saw her checking the marks with the corner of his eye.

Ruki: I am so so sorry.

Kaya: I did not try to stop you, did I now?

He could not look at her, he could not look at what he had done.

Ruki: I am so sorry. This is really not healthy and I can not...I do not think I can be normal friends with you. I can not forget you. I can not let go of the fact you want me to stay on the side while you go off with other men, and spend the night in their beds or in some hotel room. I can not. I can not get out of this cycle.

Kaya: Why did you come here?

Ruki: What?

Kaya: I tried to stay away. I tried to give you an out. I know it bothers you and I realised I could not be normal with you, the flirting... I could not help. When you did not call I thought it was better and tried to end it tonight.

Ruki: You need to be clearer when it comes to that. I would regret it for the rest of my life, heck the regret might kill me. I have enough of them.

He sighed and looked at her finally.

Ruki: I can not forget about you. I can not forget how it felt when we were together. I can't let it go.

Kaya: Is it just sex?

Ruki: Fuck no. Is it for you?

Kaya: No.

Ruki: Kaya, I really like you. You can think it is stupid of me but...I like you a lot.

She walked closer to him and stood in front of him. He put his head on his stomach and hugged her. She played with his hair.

Ruki: I did not call but it does not mean I did not think about you. I kept thinking about you, how you sounded, how you smelled. I could not forget you singing and playing the piano. How you smile, how you laugh... I really really do like you Kaya. Fuck, I like saying your name even.

Kaya: You are so stupid. So stupid.

She bent over him, wrapped her arms around his head and left a kiss on his head.

Kaya: Bloody stupid, you are so stupid I hate you.

Ruki: Set me free Kaya, tell me you hate me, you do not ever want to see me. Tell me I am a horrible man and kick me out.

She hugged him tighter.

Kaya: I hate you. I do but I hate myself more. I like you quite a lot. If you want, you can leave now and never contact me again.

Ruki: Kaya, do you mean it when you say that or you are saying because you are being nice? Do you really feel anything for me?

Kaya: I mean it. I really do like you. I told you, you are the only guy I invited to my house. Everyone else would be so jealous.

He chuckled. It did make him feel happy, she was right. Finally, he raised his head to look at her again.

Ruki: Kaya, if I like you this much and you like me, won't you give me the chance?

She thought about it for a second before shaking her head. She at least thought about it.

Ruki: Give me a reason. Give me why.

Kaya: Do I have to?

Ruki: It would be pretty nice to have something to go by.

She stepped back and sat on the edge of the bathtub.

Kaya: I am afraid. I once gave my everything to someone. Committed to it. Then I got my heart broken, really badly. Also, there are things I am not ready to move on from. I am just afraid to try again.

Ruki: Him?

He pointed to her room with his head. She nodded quietly.

Ruki: Okay. I know he is beyond the boundaries or whatever. He is not here with you, so why not try to give him a middle finger and move on?

Kaya: It is not that simple. We do not discuss him Ruki, I won't.

Ruki: Okay, then what now?

Kaya: I really enjoyed talking with you. It was nice to talk with someone without forcing things out, without realising how the time has passed. You are very gentle and nice.

Ruki: Gentle is not the word I come up with when I see your neck.

Kaya: Well, you did break the skin I think.

"Fuck", he groaned into his hand.

Kaya: You know what, let's make some tea or coffee, or anything stronger to be honest.

Ruki: What do you want? Tell me what you want from me? What do you want me to be for you?

Kaya: Right now, I need coffee, or make it whisky.

Ruki: Tell me.

Kaya: I do not know! All I know is that I am not in the place to meet what you need from me. I am not there yet.

Ruki: Yet? So what you are doing now is not your final outlook on things?

Kaya: I guess so. It moved this far.

Ruki: Let me get this right, one day you will wanna date properly, and commit?

Kaya: You'd like that to be tomorrow, am I right?

Ruki: Preferably but answer me.

Kaya: Yes. I do not think I will be stuck in my cycle forever. Ruki, I meant it. You can leave and never get in touch again and I will understand it. My mess is my mess and it is not nice.

Ruki: I am not going anywhere. Let me think.

They sat down in silence as he thought about what he wanted to do. He could not believe what he was going to suggest but he could not stay away from her, that much he was sure of. No matter how much he tried to not think about her, she crawled back into his mind. He would hear someone laugh and compare it to hers, he had heard a woman sing in a bar and compared it to Kaya. He had seen her in his dreams almost every night. In the evenings when he got lonely he wished she was there. He had not known her for long, heck it had only been two nights he got to spend with her but she had managed to leave a trace of herself in his mind. He was just not ready to let it go now.

Ruki: Kaya?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: I want in. I want to be one of them.

Kaya: One of wh- No.

Ruki: Yes. Let me be one of your men. I do not care anymore. I can not go back.

She got up and walked out of the bedroom shaking her head. Ruki could hear her go down the stairs. He followed behind her.

Ruki: Kaya! I mean it.

She stopped suddenly and faced him, her eyes were wide open, she looked angry.

Kaya: You do not mean that! You will end up hating me.

Ruki: I won't.

Kaya: You think that is your magical solution? That I will stop seeing others because of you? I will still be seeing others.

Ruki: I know.

Kaya: You- You were just saying that you can not stand by and watch.

Ruki: I will not be standing by then will I?

Kaya: No.

Ruki: Why not? I can be the one you invite home.

Kaya: You have no idea what you are suggesting.

Ruki: I think I do.

He walked towards her and she took a step back shaking her head but he was taking bigger steps so he caught up with her, grabbed her by her hips and pushed her to the wall. Then he undid her bathrobe again and kissed her. The first kiss was short, he was trying her. She did not stop him so he kissed her again more passionately and longer than he had ever done probably. If he could, he would melt into her lips, get lost there. If he did not have to break from her lips to take a deep breath he would never do it.

Ruki: I know what I am suggesting. What I am asking for, I know it well. We can not be just friends, that is obvious and I can not walk away from you. If you kick me out and tell me you do not want to see me, I will walk away. But if you don't, then this is the road we are taking.

Kaya: I do not have any other choice?

Ruki: You can not decide, so I am giving you choices. Pick.

She stared at him. She was thinking, he could see it from the way her lips moved. Then she bit her lip, verdict.

Kaya reached out for his belt and undid it then unzipped his trousers. He helped her pull them down. He let out a moan when she grabbed him.

Kaya: Promise me, you will not hate me at the end.

Ruki: I am stepping over the edge voluntarily. I will not hate you, I promise.

Kaya: Rules.

Ruki: Fine.

Kaya: This is not a relationship, I am not your girlfriend. What we do stays between us. To everyone else, we are friends. Okay?

Ruki: Okay.

Kaya: Second rule. You are not allowed in my bedroom.

Ruki: I have been to your bathroom.

Kaya: I mean, no sex in my bedroom. The guest room, we can use. Or anywhere else in the house.

Ruki: So I am the guest room guy. Well, better than being the hotel room guy.

Kaya: No getting jealous over others.

Ruki: No talking about others. Say you have work thing, meeting with friends, or anything else. I do not want to know how many you see and when you see them.

Kaya: Fair enough.

Ruki: Other than that, no lies.

Kaya: No lies. The couch is very comfortable if you will.

He chuckled then kissed her as he reached for her legs and pulled them to wrap around his waist. It satisfied him to hear her moan so loudly as he thrust himself in her. It had been three weeks since the first and the last time they had sex but it felt like it had been longer. He felt like his muscles were taking in all the oxygen that they have been deprived of. She felt better than before. He carried her slowly to the couch and laid her down. This time he wanted to be gentle and take it slowly.

Kaya: Gentle this time?

Ruki: Reading my mind?

Kaya: No, you are just gentler.

Ruki: Good or bad.

Kaya: Good. Hold my hands.

He bent over her and held her hands. She was smiling at him. Not cheekily, not naughtily or coyly, she was just happy. Ruki put his forehead on hers and listened to her moan which with his every movement got louder and louder. This felt more intimate than before.

"Fuck you feel so good. Louder, let me hear you", he whispered into her ear.

Kaya: I thought I was too loud.

Ruki: No one can hear you now.

Kaya: Say my name.

"Kaya", he let it roll off his tongue as he smiled.

Kaya: Again.

Ruki: I thought it was forbidden.

Kaya: I thought- Oh fuck yes. You feel good.

Ruki: Someone is being way too nice and romantic.

Kaya: Shut up. I thought you did not like abiding by the rules.

He repeated her name and each time he said it the wider his smile got, "Kaya, Kaya, Kaya, Kaya oh Kaya." He also increased his speed slowly each time he called her name and in return, she stopped trying to keep her voice down. She was loud and it turned him on more.

"Oh god I am close", she screamed. "Go ahead", said Ruki as he pressed his lips on hers. He kissed her and held her hands in his as she trembled and gasped for air. He could not hold it any longer and came undone, collapsing on her. They laid there without speaking for a while but he could feel her smiling. He just knew it. When he raised his gaze to look at her face, he saw that she was indeed smiling.

Kaya: That was better than the first... 5?

Ruki: It was nice to be able to see your face and smile.

Then he put his head on her chest and listened to her heartbeats.

Kaya: Bloody romantic.

Ruki: Says the hidden romantic.

She left a kiss on his head, "I am glad you came", she whispered.

Ruki: Kaya?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: We forgot something.

Kaya: It is okay. I have a new contraceptive solution. You do not need them any more.

Ruki: Really?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: So....One more?

Kaya: Yes, please.

"Any preference?", he asked as he took one of her nipples in his mouth and suck it gently. She giggled and shook her head.

Kaya: You call the shots this time.

So he did call the shots that night, 2 more times to be precise. All he wanted was her for himself, as selfish as it was, it was all he wanted. The last thing he remembered was Kaya saying "no more" and complaining about how she would not be able to stand up. He remembered them laying on the couch, Kaya in his arms then nothing. They must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew was a woman close to his age standing over them and trying to wake them up.

"You better fucking wake up before my three-year-old walks in", she shouted at them.

Kaya: Shut up and get out Hana.

"You said you'd take them in today. I have a meeting. Come on Lou."

Ruki could barely follow along with the conversation, he was so disoriented. He tried to centre himself. Kaya's living room, he was very, very naked. So was Kaya. Their conversation came to him slowly. He had to now live with his decision. He watched Kaya get up and walk around the sofa. She was so beautiful that it made his heartache.

Kaya: This is my sister, Hana. Hana, this is Ruki. 

Hana was much taller than Kaya with long black hair but they shared the same grey eye colour, albeit Hana's were darker grey. Their noses and lips had the same shape as well with Kaya's lips being bit plumper.

Hana: Hi Ruki. I thought you did not bring men home.

Kaya: He is... He is okay.

Hana: Okay?

Ruki hoped that was her way of complimenting.

Kaya: He is different, okay?

Hana stared at Ruki and her eyes grew. He had forgotten he was fully naked so he grabbed a pillow that was next to him and covered himself.

Ruki: Please look away.

Hana: Holly!

Kaya: Hana!

Hana: I see how he is different now.

Kaya: Hana! You are horrible!

"I am sorry but he is waow! Packed!", she exclaimed in English. Ruki wanted to be invisible.

Kaya: Please stop. Oh my god.

Hana: Honey, you are a tiny woman. Like tiny.

Hana faced Ruki again, "She is tiny! Like how?!", she exclaimed.

Hana: I see why you brought him home, but, you know my stand with your guys and my girls.

Kaya: Ruki, just go upstairs and dress. She will not be staring.

Ruki: I doubt that very much.

Kaya: I'll pull her eyes out if she does.

Ruki quickly collected his clothing and walked to the toilet near the stairs. Had he ever been caught naked by someone else's sibling before? No this was the first time and it was the weirdest feeling. He could still hear them talk from the toilet, they were not very quiet.

Hana: I mean it with the girls.

Kaya: He is fine, he is the one who bought the mice toys for the girls.

Hana: Wow, really?So packed and sweet. Bullseyes.

Kaya: Shut up.

Hana: I mean you brought him home, that is something.

Kaya: I like having him around.

He knew he was eavesdropping but he could not help himself. He wanted to know her feelings.

Hana: How long have you known him for?

Kaya: We met just over three weeks ago.

Hana: So you have been spending all your time with him?

Kaya: No. Not really. We only spent three nights together I think.

Hana: But you kept going out.

Kaya: I tried seeing others. I met with tons of guys but uhm... I never went through with anything. All of them felt wrong or forced. The conversations had no taste and I definitely did not want to go to a hotel with them. I kept thinking of him so always came back home with a pack of ice cream.

She had not slept with anyone else since him. The information repeated in his head. He saw his reflection on the toilet mirror, he had the stupidest smile he had ever seen on his face. She had not slept with them and thought of him all the time. She did say she liked him but he did not know what "liking" meant for her but now he knew. He had a place in her mind and heart as much as she had a place in his. He danced a little out of happiness, he had more chance than he thought he had before. She had chosen not to sleep with anyone else after him. At least so far. He listened in a bit more before coming out, he could not help. He also had to wait until his stupid smile faded away.

Hana: You like him.

Kaya: This is so stupid.

Hana: It is not stupid. Maybe it is time.

Kaya: Stop it.

Hana: You like the small big guy.

Kaya: Seriously shut up.

Ruki fixed his shirt and came out of the toilet.

Hana: Ruki was it? I am sorry, I was inappropriate. I am happily married, so you are safe.

Ruki: Thanks. I should get going and get Koron. I left him with Reita without an explanation so...

Kaya nodded but she was smiling. She was aware this was awkward.

Kaya: Call me this time?

Ruki: I will. Nice to meet you, Hana.

Hana: Nice to meet you too. Oh by the way, I have a get together in July. Friends, family and everyone else is invited, now you are also invited. Would be nice for Kaya to have another friend than Miyo that comes.

Kaya: Hana....

Hana: What? Ruki please do come.

Ruki: Wait, you are inviting me?

Hana: Yes, as Kaya's plus 1. It is just a simple barbeque.

Ruki saw kaya shaking her head.

Ruki: Fine. I'd like that. Here is my phone, just send me the date and the address.

He found a business card from his pocket and gave it to Hana and started walking towards the door. He knew he was pushing it with Kaya but he did not feel like she was angry.

Kaya: You are -

Ruki: I'll call you. See you!

She called his name but he closed the door and acted like he did not hear it. However, she called him that night.

Kaya: Are you busy? 

Ruki: Well that is a hard question, I am always busy. But, if you ask if I have time, yes I do have time. 

He heard her chuckle.

Kaya: Did you mean it?

Ruki: Did I mean what?

Kaya: Are you really coming to the gathering Hana invited you to. You know it is mostly family. Miyo usually comes because I am the only one without a partner.

Ruki: I see. So she invited me instead of Miyo.

Kaya: Yes. So, did you really mean it?

Ruki: I am not hearing you being against the idea so the question is, how much do you want me to come? 

Kaya: Ass. 

Ruki: How much?

Kaya: So you really meant it.

Ruki: Yes, I did. I do not promise things I will not do. So how much?

Kaya: Shut up. 

Ruki: Fine but I am bad at keeping my mouth shut. Sooo.... Have you eaten?

Kaya: No. I just came back home, I had to go to the office after delivering the girls. So, no.

Ruki: I was about to go to the store to buy food. I have no idea what though. If you want I can pick you up and we can figure it out together.

Kaya: So you want me to cook for you?

Ruki: No, I want to cook together. 

Kaya: I see. So are you inviting me to your house or inviting yourself to mine? 

Ruki: To m- Wait! Do I have the option to invite myself in?

She laughed.

Kaya: Oh Ruki. I vaguely remember telling you that you were always welcome.

Ruki: How about you come to me this time? My bedroom is not off the limits. 

Kaya: Come pick me up then. 

He left right away to pick her up and he did that trip many times over the next three weeks. He saw her almost three nights a week. Part of it was because he thought if he kept calling her and seeing her, she would not have time for others. He was selfish. The other reason was that he simply enjoyed spending time with her. He even started to share the songs he had written, the songs no one would ever hear. She would study them carefully, trying to understand it and would play it back to him on the guitar. After a few times of trying she also started to add the lyrics too. It was her way of trying to get him to sing, he knew it but could not bring himself to sing. So he let her sing for him. A song he named Calm Envy had become her favourite and go to. 

Last reason he kept calling her or going her was the sex. It was better than anything he had tried before, somehow more intimate too. He could always have a third-round with her, at least three. Ruki was aware she was like a drug to him, he was getting addicted to her. The days when she would say she was busy would drag on forever for him, the nights would stretch ahead of him. He had never imagined that he would be able to share anyone with others but here he was, rolling with it.


	6. The Thing with Beads and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night that started with bites and beads and ended up with love.  
> How much Kaya can open her heart to Ruki?

"Bite me" she exclaimed between her moans.

"No" he murmured and left a kiss to the nape of her neck.

Kaya: Please.

Every time the marks would heal, she would ask for it again and it always made Ruki sad to leave marks on her like this. He did not want to hurt her but every single time she would beg for it and he would lose control. If he bit her gently she will say "harder" and she would moan and he would get turned on and would do it harder and harder until her shoulder was filled with bite marks.

Ruki: Kaya no... I do not like hurting you.

"Do it", she said as she moved her hairs to one side. He hesitated for a second before holding her by her breasts and pulling her closer. Her back was pressed to his chest, he could feel her heartbeats, the speed she breathed, her small trembles. He found the softest spot on her shoulder and bit it gently. "More" she insisted between growing moans so he continued until she fell apart in his arms. Ruki hugged her tightly as he came in her. She threw her head back and rested it on his shoulder, exposing her long neck. Ruki left a small kiss on her neck. He wanted to enjoy her warmth like this for a while as it was a rare opportunity. She would not stay and lay down with him after sex, Kaya usually preferred getting up and keeping her distance rather than snuggling. Now was his chance to enjoy her warmth before she tried getting up. As he expected it did not take long before she tried getting up but he wrapped his legs around her and tightened his grip around her chest.

Kaya: Let me go Ruki.

Ruki: 5 minutes, please. Just five, give me at least that much.

She sighed and stopped struggling, then she wrapped her arms around his. Ruki left a kiss on her cheek and laid down on the couch with her still in her arms.

Kaya: You are annoyingly sweet.

Ruki: Thank you.

Kaya: Was not a compliment.

Ruki: Really? Is that why you are smiling so much?

Kaya: Shuddup.

He pressed his nose behind her ear and closed his eyes. This, he had missed doing. The intimacy after sex, the calmness, the closeness.

Kaya: You like this don't you?

Ruki: Yes I do. I am ready to say this is the best part of sex.

She laughed.

Ruki: Don't you like it?

Kaya: It has been a while.

Ruki: So how does it feel?

Kaya: Like your five minutes is running out.

Ruki: I slightly hate you.

Kaya laughed, she was well aware that he did not hate her the slightest. He wondered if she was aware of how much he loved her. Ruki kissed her on the neck and down to her shoulders then he turned her around and kissed her, looking right into her eyes. He was not sure if he was surprised when she kissed him back taking his face in her hands and smiled at him.

Ruki: See, it is not bad.

Kaya: It really is not. You are contagious.

Ruki: Am I?

Kaya: Yes you are. When you are happy and smile like that, you are contagious. I find it hard to say no to you and break your heart.

Ruki: Such a blood romantic.

Kaya laughed and pinched him in the arm.

Ruki: Kaya, I have a question.

Kaya: As usual. Ask ahead.

Ruki: Answer me honestly now. Do you want me to bite you because then you have a reason not to see the others or do you want it because you enjoy the pain?

Kaya: How happy would you be if I said its the first one?

Ruki: The happiest man in the world.

Kaya: I shall not give you that satisfaction.

Ruki: Really tough love huh? Then why? I... I find it hot, there is that and I always end up overdoing it but it is really hard to see you afterwards with your neck covered it marks. You barely let them heal too and I kinda hate it. I hate myself for doing it.

Kaya: You hate it that much?

Ruki: Honestly? Yes. I am not the type to enjoy conflicting pain. It really pains me to see your whole neck, I like it better without the marks.

Kaya: To be honest, it feels like being wanted. Being wanted so much so that you want to devour me. It feels hot.

Ruki: Do you like being bitten generally? Do you also want others to bite you too?

Kaya: No. Just you. I realised it the first time you did it. I always thought I'd hate it but you did it and...

Ruki: It turned you on?

Kaya: A lot.

Ruki: And it is just me?

She avoided his gaze.

Kaya: Yes, but it is okay if you do not want to. I didn't think it made you feel that bad.

Ruki: Kaya, do you see the irony here?

She bit her lip and buried her face in his chest.

Kaya: Don't.

Ruki: Okay I won't. I am just saying it is ironic.

Ruki lifted her face and left a kiss on her lips. He wanted to look at her as she laid naked in his arms, he would not get the chance for a long while, he knew it, so he wanted it to be carved in his mind. Her light grey eyes captured the lights in the room and looked like they were made of gold, her lips were pink and they quivered with his every touch.

Ruki: I do not want to devour you, I want to enjoy you, Kaya. I want to sip you in, slowly.

Kaya: The bloody romantic you are... How come no one ever kept you?

Ruki: Bad luck?

Kaya: Who is so stupid?

Ruki: Someone likes me more than they say.

Kaya: Shut up. You grow on people like a mushroom. Seriously, who was so stupid Ruki?

Ruki: Many were. Long story.

She took his face in her hands again and caressed him.

Kaya: No more biting. Do as you want, be sweet as you want.

Ruki: Wait, can I take you to my bed next time? The sofa is nice and all for the first few times but, I miss my bed.

She shook her head but kept smiling.

Kaya: Do as you want, gentle boy.

Ruki: I promise I will also be a bad boy from time to time.

Kaya: Really?

Ruki: Yes. There might be no fun in devouring you but... I know a different way to devour you. 

Kaya: What are you thinking?

" A fourth time", he whispered into her ear.

Kaya: Are you serious? How can you even- You were here yesterday too and it is actually a bit raw now. I am not sure if-

Ruki: I did not ask if you wanted it or not. I said let's do it.

She bit her lip and he could feel her heart racing. As he expected she did not protest, she was more turned on by it than anything else.

Ruki got up and stood next to the sofa.

Ruki: Stand up and wrap your legs around me.

She followed him without hesitation. Feeling her legs wrapped around his naked body, feeling her naked body being pressed to his this way gave him a new confidence. He wanted to push himself and her, he wanted a game. If she would play with, he would play with her too.

He pressed his nose to hers, "I know your secret", he whispered.

Kaya: What secret?

Ruki started carrying her up the stairs without answering. She looked so small and innocent in his arms, even though he knew she was not that innocent.

Kaya: What secret Ruki?

Ruki: I know about your toys.

Her eyes grew.

Kaya: No! Let me down.

She struggled but she could not get away.

Ruki: I am not asking you about it. I am just saying what it is going to happen.

Her whole face turned red and she buried her face in his neck.

Ruki: Oh so now you are shy.

Kaya: No, no, no.

Ruki: Again, I am not asking. The only thing is I need to figure out where they are. Next to your bed?

Kaya: Please. Please.

Ruki: Why are you shy about it, you bought them right?

Kaya: For my personal use!

Ruki: So you have not used it with anyone else.

Kaya: Never! I'd die!

Ruki: Are you shy about it? Using it with someone else?

"I do not want you to see me like that." she murmured into his neck.

Ruki: Is it too intimate? Too open?

She nodded.

"Good.", said Ruki and slapped her butt. Kaya gasped.

Ruki: That is the whole point. Where are they?

Kaya: No.

Ruki: I want you. I want all of you to myself, every inch of you. Do you hear me? I want you to be mine.

Kaya raised her head and looked at him. He could see she was conflicted.

Kaya: We have rules.

Ruki: I am not good at following the rules. I. want. all. of. you. to myself.

Kaya: Ruki, you are push-

Ruki: Tell me where they are.

She shook her head widely.

Kaya: You are pushing it.

Ruki: You knew I would. You knew it from the beginning. Did you not?

She nodded.

Ruki: Next to or under the bed is too obvious. You'd hide it I think. Your wardrobe?

Her body got slightly stiff.

Ruki: Oh I see.... Where would it be? Underwear drawer?

She wrapped her hands around his neck, burying her face one more time.

Ruki: Gotcha.

He walked to her wardrobe and started opening each door and drawer. He found what he was looking for towards the end, hidden behind her bras. It was a black metal box bigger than his hand. A tube of lube sat next to it. He grabbed the lube and set it between her breasts and carried it the box himself.

"I am glad to see you actually own underwear", he said as he carried her out of the room to the guest room.

Kaya: I figured it is pretty useless to wear one when you are coming.

Ruki: So you are saying you are always ready for me?

Kaya: I hate you.

Ruki chuckled and kissed her shoulder. He found the guest room and sat the box on the bed, then laid Kaya on it. She tried to crawl back and get up from the bed but Ruki grabbed her ankle and climbed on the bed. Then he pulled her closer to himself.

Ruki: Where are you going?

He smiled at her. Kaya hid her face behind her hands.

Kaya: Please, please it is so embarrassing.

Ruki: It is not.

Kaya: It is! For me it is!

Ruki: To be honest-

He held her and turned her face down and laid on her.

Ruki: - I am looking forward to the sounds you will make.

Kaya pulled a pillow and buried her face into it. He chuckled.

Ruki: Kaya, you are hot. No matter what you do, you are hot. You smile, hot. You laugh, hot. You are hot when you are bossy and you are also hot when you are shy. All you are doing right now is to turn me more and more on.

He stood up on his knees again, grabbed her hips and pulled it up to expose her back so he could thrust himself in her. She gasped and clutched the headboard. He wanted to take it slow, get her to relax a bit. After a few minutes, she relaxed a bit more so Ruki slowed down and reached for the box.

The first thing he saw was the thruster which really surprised him. For a woman who was so embarrassed that could not look at him, she had chosen that to buy among all the other things that would be easier to start with.

Ruki: You are very naughty. Which is your favourite?

Kaya: Please.

Ruki: Have you tried the thruster?

Kaya: No! No! Definitely not that!

Ruki: You used it?

Kaya nodded into the pillow.

Ruki: Did you use it?

"I did" she murmured.

Ruki: You did!?

Kaya: Yes... But please, please I am begging you, do not use that. Please, it is just too much.

Ruki: Fair enough. Did you like it?

Kaya: I am not answering.

He found her whole and pushed his finger halfway in. She screamed and her hands around the pillow and headboard tightened.

Ruki: Did you like it?

Kaya: Yes! Yes! I did! Take the plug!

Ruki: As you wish.

He pulled the anal plug from the box, it was more like a bead and longer than the plugs he had seen. It had a remote controller next to it. It was a vibrating one.

Ruki: Your eyes were not satisfied with the small and simple ones?

She nodded silently. Ruki bent down and left a kiss between her shoulder blades and started moving again slowly to get her to relax. He reached for the lube and put a good amount on her hole then slowly pushed it in using his finger, massaging it in and around the whole. She trembled and moaned. Even the thought of it turned him on. He put a good amount of lube on the plug as well.

Ruki: Kaya, if it is hurting, tell me it hurts. Tell me "Ruki, it hurts. Stop!" and I will stop immediately.

She nodded then suddenly reached out for his hand.

Kaya: Be gentle. Please be slow. It is... It can be too much and I never tried it like this.

Ruki: What do you mean like this?

Kaya: Both sides at the same time.

Ruki reached out for her hand and kissed it.

Ruki: I will be slow, I promise. Look at me though. Do not hide your face away when I do it.

She stopped hiding her face with the pillow and turned her face towards him as much as she could while she was bent on her knees. He slowly pushed the plug into her whole. At first, she flinched and pushed down a small scream but that quickly turned into a moan. Kaya closed her mouth with her hands and after a short while hid her face again. Ruki laughed and grabbed her hairs, pulling them to force her to look at him. She bit her lip hard, her face flushed.

Ruki: Does it hurt?

Kaya: No. No.

Ruki: Are you okay? You are trembling a lot.

Kaya: I am okay. It... Fuck it feels good. All of it. Continue Ruki.

He could feel the plug from the other side, he saw that it would also be too much for him but he could not step back. He let her hair go. Kaya just kept trembling and moaning, if she was not already on her knees, she would have collapsed. He had immense power on her now and scarily it turned him on.

Before turning on the plug he just gently moved in and out, slowly at first otherwise he would not last long either. Then he turned on the vibrator and gradually set it up higher and higher based on Kaya's screams. She was not a moaner, she was a screamer and she used all her lung capacity.

He stopped increasing the vibrations around mid-way then started thrusting himself again. Going faster and deeper with each movement. Kaya went between moaning and screaming "fuck" and screaming into the pillow. She did not sound like she was in pain, there was lust in her voice as she screamed. The vibrations, the thrusting, the tightness it was all too much, he could feel his breathing getting shallower, his mind was getting numb. He increased the vibrations just because he wanted to see how it would feel and he could not think straight anymore. Kaya tried to lift herself and reach for the remote but she could not move and collapsed back, instead she clutched the pillow and held onto it as if it was a lifebuoy and screamed into it. He was so close, so close he could not continue much longer.

" Fuck! I want to be yours Ruki!", she screamed as she came and it was like a trigger for him too. He could not remember a time she had trembled this much, this long, nor could he remember a time where he came this long. He thought there was no end to it for a second. What she had said kept ringing in his mind but he had no energy to do anything about. He could only reach the remote and turn it off before he collapsed on her. She panted under him, their breathing mixed into each others. It took Ruki a long while before he could collect his thoughts again. He moved Kaya's hairs off her face to see it. She had a shy but satisfied smile. Ruki smiled back and kissed her and got one back. He had not forgotten what she had screamed but still needed it to sink it. He sat up again and pulled the plug out, Kaya sighed in relief. Ruki bit her butt cheek and slapped it before lying on her again. She chuckled and definitely was more relaxed now.

Ruki: Someone's smiling.

Kaya: Have you seen your face?

Ruki: Nope.

Kaya: You should never be allowed with that remote again. I thought I would explode.

Ruki: Again? So this, you want it again?

Kaya: I thought you were not asking for permission.

Ruki: Message taken. Thruster next time then.

She pinched him in the arm.

Ruki: That was hot. Really hot. Was it as embarrassing as you thought?

Kaya: At first I thought I would not look at you again but then I could not even think and it just felt too good to ignore.

Ruki: I could hear it.

Kaya: I heard you too. Was it that good?

Ruki: You have no idea how good that was. That was a first for me.

He reached out for her hands as he left kisses to the nape of her neck. Then he whispered into her ear "I heard you." She tried to lift her self up again but he was heavier than her and he held her hands in place. She struggled a bit before giving up.

Ruki: I heard you.

Kaya: I do not know what you are talking about.

Ruki: You want me to repeat it back to you?

She buried her face into the pillow again, "No. I know it" she murmured. Ruki smiled and lifted her head up to see her face again.

Ruki: I love you, Kaya. Hate me if you will but I love you.

Kaya: Ruki...

Ruki: I do not care. I love you. I know we have an agreement and I am not saying I am breaking it. I will still follow through but I have to say it. I can not deny it and hide it. I do not expect you to say it back or return it at all but I love you. Can you accept that?

She sighed and thought about it for a second, a second that stretched like years for him.

Kaya: I can. Can I turn around?

He rolled off her to the side and watched her as she turned around to face him. Kaya caressed his cheeks as she stared him in the eye.

Ruki: You will not leave me now, will you?

Kaya: No dumb ass I won't leave you. I will not leave as long as you keep our agreement. I can not handle it right now if things change so quickly. I need time.

Ruki: I will. I promise I will. Tell me one thing, did you mean it?

She hugged him and pressed her naked body to his, he hugged back instinctively.

Kaya: I did. I meant it. I enjoy your presence more than anyone else's. Both in and out of the bed, it is not just about this. You give me a sense of calm chaos.

Ruki: Calm chaos?

Kaya: Yes. You are chaotic let's be honest. Maybe more chaotic than I am. The way your brain works is chaotic but you also make me feel calm. You do not go around spitting tons of things in one go, you are calm. You do things calmly and I enjoy that. I can suffer from anxiety and depression is always something that can creep back but you... You are like a safe haven to me in a sense. Do not get romantic!

Ruki: Says the woman who is calling me her safe haven.

Kaya: Shut up.

Ruki: Got it, I love you TOO.

She chuckled as she pressed her head to his chest. Ruki left a kiss on her head.

Kaya: I have a suggestion. I am really not ready for a big change, I can not face it and I am not ready but I have a middle-ground for you.

Ruki: I am already a happy man.

Kaya: You are a dork, that is what you are.

Ruki: As long as I am your dork, it is fine.

She was about to protest but she bit her lip and laughed instead.

Ruki: Fuck you are beautiful.

Kaya: Stop! Stop... You are unbelievable.

She was laughing still.

Ruki: Fine, fine. I will stop and you tell me your middle ground.

Kaya: Well... I... You be the VIP guy.

What did he just hear?

Ruki: What? What would that be like?

Kaya: uhmm... You have priority pass. If you call, I will come even if I promised another man, I will cancel it for you.

Ruki got on top of her and laid between her legs, she just wrapped them around him.

Ruki: What if you are already on the date?

She thought about it for a second.

Kaya: I will come.

His heart would explode. For the time being this was as close as he will get as a "I love you" from her. He laughed and kissed her.

Ruki: You know I will call you every day. Every day!

Kaya: I know. I should probably close my phone to be honest.

Ruki: I will be at your door. You want me to call you every day so you do not see others.

Kaya: You think so?

Ruki: Yes that is what I think.

Kaya: So you think that highly of yourself?

Ruki: Repeat what you said before about wanting to be mine.

She smiled and looked away.

Ruki: Let me hear it again.

Kaya laughed and shook her head. She was playing with him. He grabbed her wrists and held them down.

Ruki: Lady either you let me hear that again or I will fuck you until next night and make you say it again.

She smiled at him naughtily. She would dare him so he thrust himself in her. Kaya moaned and her back arched.

Ruki: Trust me I will.

"I want to be yours", she gasped.

Ruki pulled her up making her sit on him.

Kaya: That is all I can give you now.

Ruki: Well at least I get that.

Kaya: I like you a lot but a part of me needs a longer time.

Ruki: Well, as long as I know you want me, take your time. 

Kaya: Thank you. Now tell me we are not having another round because I will really pass out.

Ruki: I am joking. 

He left a kiss on her forehead and removed himself rolling next to her. 

Ruki: Turn around and let me hug you.

Kaya: Ruki, I think it is time to call it a night.

He knew what it meant. Ever since the first night he fell asleep on her couch, he was not allowed to sleep the night there. She would never stay in the bed, on the couch, with him and sleep and he was always asked nicely to leave.

Ruki: Kaya, can we not just stay like this tonight? Sleep together? 

Kaya: No. I think I filled my limit with the VIP talk for today. That is as far as I can come. Look, if you really want to stay, you can sleep in this room but I will not. You can also leave if you want to. In any case, you can take shower in my bathroom, I need a bath and I need to sleep afterwards. I have a busy day.

Ruki: Okay, five minutes of snuggle time, then. Please.

Kaya: Did you not have enough?

Ruki grabbed her arm and turned her to her side and spooned her. 

Ruki: You are being hard now just because you are feeling too exposed after what you just allowed me.

Kaya: No. I am trying to keep boundaries.

Ruki: Are you now? 

He started kissing her neck and tickling her, Kaya tried to keep a straight face but she could not hold it long and started laughing. "Fine! 5 minutes!", she exclaimed in the end. 

Ruki: Thank you. 

He pressed his nose behind her ear and let her smell surround him.

Kaya: I can not be smelling nice at this rate. I sweated so much. Oh god, please.

Ruki: Do not worry. You smell nice, I swear.

Kaya: Liar.

Ruki: I am not lying. You smell like fresh cold night, I mean it and it is very refreshing in this summer heat. 

Kaya: Apparently the summer heat does not affect you because you are seeking maximum skin contact.

Ruki: You are irresistible.

Kaya: You are so horrible, your five minutes is running out. Let me go. 

He sighed and let her go. Kaya sat up on the edge of the bed and watched him for a second or two without saying anything then she collected the beads and the box and left the room. She did not say anything at all as left too. Ruki could hear her walk to her room and start the bathtub then she started taking shower. He did not go and watch her as she took a shower, he felt like she needed the space. He had gotten more than he expected he would that day anyway. He got up and went to her room only after she called him in. 

Ruki walked to her room and was about to enter the bathroom when the picture on her side table caught his attention. He slowly walked towards the picture trying to make as little sound as possible to not get Kaya's attention. He just wanted to see the picture again. As he remembered, she looked happy. He had seen her happy, smiling, laughing and all before but this kind of happiness, he had not seen it on her face. Maybe he had seen something close to it, but never so pure. She was madly in love and happy it was very obvious. The man next to her was hugging her, Ruki could see his arms wrapped around her waist. His eyes were full of love for her, shining, smiling. He looked around the same age as her, he had blonde hair and blue eyes. He was a handsome man with a defined jawline and high cheekbones, his lips were full and wide. They looked good together, a happy couple, madly in love with each other. 

It broke his heart that she was still in love with a guy who had moved on and she was just stuck there. She was probably so heartbroken by it all she did not trust men. He could understand the reasoning behind it, he himself had a hard time sometimes and maybe that is why he had suggested being one of the men she saw. It was an open book arrangement, he would not have to worry and be eaten by his own trauma even though a part of him wanted normalcy. He wondered if she would be able to move on and let that guy behind. He walked away from the picture and went to the bathroom.

Kaya was buried in the water up to her nose, her eyes were closed. He did not know whether to say something or just let her be. He turned on the water and started taking shower but he could not take her eyes away from her. 

Kaya: Is there something you want to say? 

Ruki: Not particularly. I just want to say thank you.

She opened her eyes and looked at him with raised eyebrows. 

Kaya: What for? 

Ruki: I know it was hard for you to say the things you said. 

She looked away from him, staring into the water.

Kaya: Did you really mean it? 

Ruki rinsed the shampoo of his hair and turned the water off. 

Ruki: Mean what?

Kaya: When you said you love me.

Ruki: Of course I meant it. 

He walked to the bathtub, sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her neck. 

Ruki: I meant every word of it. I know there are things you are not telling, things you keep tightly wrapped in you but even with those, I love you. You make me happy. I can not explain it really well but I think since the moment you smiled at me, my heart was yours.

She turned and left a small kiss on his lips.

Kaya: Then I have no regrets really, the cute guy. 

Ruki watched for a while sitting on the floor. She at least looked content, not madly in love like in the picture but content. Ruki could live with that but he hated the guy in the picture with his every fibre for breaking her heart this badly. He wondered if that guy was the reason for her depression. He thought she was stronger than that, he felt like she would have walked away easily but he did not know her before. Trauma changes people and he did not know what kind of trauma the guy had caused. Finally, he pushed himself to get up and leave. 

Ruki: Okay, I should get going now. 

Kaya: Thank you for today. It was... Uhm.. It was an experience. 

Ruki chuckled.

Ruki: Any time. Just by shy again.

Kaya: Beast. 

Ruki: I will see you tomorrow then. 

Kaya: No, at the weekend, Hana's "party".

Ruki: I thought I had a VIP pass.

Kaya: Not for work-related things. We have to finish this house, like really finish it all, decoration, setting, last paintings and all and I will be working more than 24 hours on it. I am only free on Friday at 19.

Ruki: Can I take you on dinner on Friday then? 

Kaya: Dinner only. Only! I will die at this rate, you will really eat me. 

Ruki: I promise. Dinner only, and I will drop you at your home like a good boy and pick you up the next day. 

Kaya: Ruki, you know you do not have to come. Isn't it awkward?

Ruki: Awkward? Maybe. But I do want to come. 

Kaya: I will say you are just a friend. So keep your hands to yourself.

Ruki: Hard but fair enough. I will be a good friend. 

Kaya: Okay. Good night Ruki.

Ruki: Good night Kaya. 

He went downstairs and dressed up. Before leaving he found a paper and left a note saying "I love you" on it for her, near her coffee mugs. She would see it in the morning. Then he left. He did want to stay and spend the night with her but that seemed like the hardest part of the task he set for himself.


	7. The Boss, The Party, The Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaya opens her family and her heart to Ruki as well as her dark secrets.

Ruki stood in front of Kaya's workplace. It was a modern building and looked like it was designed by a famous architect. It was not a block building. It had big windows, cladding in different materials, different shapes and curves to it. He did not need to hear more to know they were working with high-end clients. He walked through the sliding glass doors and was welcomed by a young woman at the reception.

Receptionist: I am sorry but we are closed for the week.

Ruki: Oh, I am not here for business. I am here to pick up a friend. Kaya Howard.

Receptionist: Oh Louise Howard? Are you Ruki?

Ruki nodded and the young woman smiled.

Receptionist: She said you would come. Take the elevator to the fourth floor. Follow the corridor to the end and then turn left. Her office is at the end on the right. There are also name tags and pointers. You can easily find it.

Ruki thanked the woman and followed her instructions. As he walked deeper and deeper into the building, he recognised the similarities with Kaya's house. It must be this firm who designed her house too. Big windows, inner garden, the mix of concrete and wood, the usage of angles... He could see the connection. He heard Kaya's voice coming from the end of the corridor, she was talking with a man.

He was early and did not want to bother her if she still had things to do so he just peeked from the corner to listen. Kaya had a black body-hugging dress that highlighted all her curves and the shape of her body. The cut of the top part reminded him of the shape of a kimono's neck and shoulders. He was slightly turned on by the dress, she looked beautiful and sexy as usual.

Kaya was speaking to a man slightly older than Ruki, or at least he looked so. The man had a black beard and slightly wavy black hair that was styled nicely. He was a tall handsome man with a strong jaw and a well-toned body as much as Ruki could tell. They were discussing work at first. Ruki could see it on the man's face, the lust for Kaya. He was trying hard to make her laugh and she seemed to not realise how much he was trying to flirt with her. She laughed at his jokes in her usual warm laugh. Then the guy started complimenting her dress and how she looked good in it. Ruki was aware that if he could, the man would probably bend her over on that desk and fuck her there. His eyes, the way he looked at her and spoke to her laid it out there. But the man's face changed when Kaya mentioned a friend was coming to pick her up for dinner.

"A friend or one of those "friends" of yours?", he asked trying to sound like he was just teasing her.

Kaya laughed.

Kaya: Not any of your business.

"I am just asking because you never invite them here, so this is new.", he said cocking his head to the side, looking cute.

Kaya: A good friend and let's leave it there. Ughh I hate this computer.

"What is wrong?"

Kaya: Every single time I need to leave it breaks down or decides to update things. I need to leave soon and it decides to update now and got stuck on update. 

She bent over the desk and stared at the computer, she was truly annoyed. The man walked behind her acting like he was looking at the computer but his eyes were on her back that the dress nicely wrapped and highlighted. Ruki could see that his breathing had changed. Kaya was completely clueless or she acted so as the man came closer and closer to her. He was almost touching her. Ruki could not hold it anymore so he knocked on the door, the man stepped back immediately. Kaya's face lightened when she saw him.

Kaya: You are here! A bit early.

Ruki: Yes, sorry about that. I thought there would be more traffic. I can wait if you are still working.

Kaya: I just need to wait for the computer. It is stuck. I am sorry. Oh, by the way, this is my boss Ken. Ken, this is my friend Ruki.

Ken: Hello. Nice to meet you. I am also a family friend.

Ruki: Nice to meet you too.

Ken: A new friend I assume, otherwise I know all your friends.

Kaya raised her eyebrow and laughed.

Kaya: Do you now?

Ken: I think I do. I have known you for a long while now.

Ruki: Apparently she does not tell you everything.

Kaya: Okay. I will pick the computer later on. Let's go.

Ken: I can drop it in for you.

Kaya: It is okay, I can come by later. Go home Ken and enjoy the weekend, we deserved it.

She grabbed a cardigan and her bag and dragged Ruki out of the room. Ruki made sure he grabbed her butt before holding her waist and made sure that Ken saw it. He saw Ken's jaw tighten as they left and Ruki smiled back at him.

"Stop your dick contest or whatever that was. This is my workplace.", Kaya said in the elevator.

Ruki: He started it.

Kaya: Keep me out of it. But please hold my butt again.

He smiled and grabbed her butt again, Kaya let out a small moan.

Ruki: Seeing you are the reason for it, I think it is a bit hard. 

She looked at him with narrowed eyes.

Ruki: Tell me you were aware that he wants to fuck you.

Kaya: What?

Ruki: He was checking your butt. It looks very nice by the way.

Kaya: Thank you.

Ruki: You did not realise he was flirting?

Kaya: He has always been flirty, with everyone. That is his normal.

Ruki: As you say but he is the one who started it, I just took the challenge. "I am a family friend".

Kaya laughed at his imitation.

Kaya: Well, if you were to really do a measuring contest, you'd win.

Ruki: Really? Wait. Wait! Oh god, you slept with him too? Your boss?

Kaya: He was not my boss back then. It has been long.

Ruki stopped in front of his car and looked at her.

Ruki: He still wants you. Is it not weird?

She walked to the other side of the car.

Kaya: He lost his chance. Long ago and we have an understanding, that we are just friends. He did something wrong and can not take it back.

Ruki opened the car and sat down, he heard their belts click in.

Ruki: When was this?

Kaya: Why do you want to know?

Ruki: Curiosity.

Kaya: Jealousy?

Ruki: A bit, would be nice to know for measurement for the next time.

Kaya shook her head.

Kaya: I was young, he was supposed to be my tutor to get ready for university. I have known him my whole life and he went to study architecture, so he suggested he would guide me through. Also, I had a crush on him as a child. It was a stupid teenager thing.

Ruki: So a university student and a high schooler?

Kaya: Tell me you never did it?

Ruki: Not with a highschooler. Also, never been a university student. Why did it end? What did he do wrong?

Kaya: You do not want to know.

Ruki: Do you really know me? I'd like to rub it in his nose.

Kaya: Such a horrible man you are.

Ruki: I really am. He must have done something horrible.

Kaya: Ruki.

Ruki: Pleaaaase.

She laughed.

Ruki: Come on, if it is history, why not let me rub it in.

Kaya: He is a friend. An old friend, I will not let you torture him.

Ruki: What did he do? Used the wrong hole?

She punched him in the arm.

Ruki: Ow! You have rings on, it hurts. The wrong hole it is, a man who can not figure out the difference between front and back.

Kaya: Oh my god! You are unbelievable. Stop laughing like that. Ugh.. Fine!

Ruki: I am all ears. See it as a lesson for me, then I will not repeat that.

Kaya: He... Shit, he will hate me. You can not rub it into anyone's face, hear me?

Ruki: I promise.

Kaya: Ughh... He suggested a threesome with his senpai and I was out.

She looked out of the window, pushing down a laugh.

Ruki: You did it. You fucking did it!

Kaya: Shut up.

Ruki: But you did it?

Kaya: It is a long story. The short story is, it is not happening.

Ruki: I am glad to hear you have some boundaries.

She laughed looking down at her hands and biting her lip. Her cheeks were red.

Ruki: Fuck this. Is there anyone at this hour at your workplace?

Kaya looked at her watch, "Everyone is supposed to be at the after-work party. Tradition. Except for Ken but I think he went home too"

Ruki: Can you lock that door?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: I am not that hungry. Not for food at least.

Kaya: There are always snacks at work.

Ruki turned the car around back to the parking lot. He parked the car and walked to Kaya's side and opened the door.

Ruki: Get out.

Kaya: Fuck, it is my work place.

Ruki: I thought the thrill of being caught was the thing.

She bit her lip, but her breathing gave her away.

Ruki: Car park or the office?

She wrapped her arms around him and pushed her tongue in his mouth. "Office" she mumbled. They hurried back to her workplace. The receptionist was getting ready to leave.

Kaya: I forgot something. Good weekend Mika.

Ruki did not hear what the receptionist said. As soon as the elevator closed he slipped a hand under her dress, Kaya moaned as his finger touched her. She was wet. 

Ruki: Do you ever wear underwear?

Kaya: Only when you are not around. No need when I am with you.

Ruki: You are driving me crazy.

The elevator opened up and Kaya walked ahead of him pulling her skirt back down. Ruki caught up with her and grabbed her butt. Then he pulled her in for a kiss as they walked through the corridor. Kaya was panting and did not notice Ken sitting in his office and watching them. Ruki slipped his hand under her skirt again, on purpose. He would rub it in just because he did not like the way Ken had looked at her before. Jealousy... She was right. Kaya did not stop him this time as she did not see anything else. She pushed them into her office and locked the door behind, then pulled in a curtain to cover the glass so no one could see them.

Ruki removed the papers and the computer from the desk then pushed her over it. She pulled her skirt up for him. He thrust himself in her, she clutched the desk as if it was a lifeline and let out a loud moan. Ruki reached out and covered her mouth.

Ruki: Be quiet.

Kaya: There is no one.

Ruki: You think so? Were you that turned on?

Kaya: There is someone?

Ruki: Your boss is next door.

Kaya: Fuck. You might need to stuff something into my mouth. In my bag... There is a hand towel.

Ruki reached out for her bag and pulled the small hand towel. He held her head to put the towel in her mouth but could not help himself and stare at her.

Kaya: What is with that smile?

Ruki: You are beautiful.

Kaya: Shut up.

Ruki: You really are.

Kaya: Say it.

He smiled and whispered her name into her ear as he gently put the towel in her mouth. He continued whispering her name even when he grabbed her hairs and pulled her up slightly to expose her neck and started moving. He did not go slowly, he thrust himself as fast and deep as he could. Strangely, he liked the idea of having an audience, he wanted her loud. And loud she was even with the towel. For a second Ruki was afraid the desk would not hold their weight as it started making creaking sounds but it held on. Then Kaya removed the towel and screamed his name as she came. He followed her and collapsed on her.

Kaya: That is what you wanted right? Him to hear?

Ruki: Can't blame me can you?

Kaya: Well, kinda felt satisfying. Like a message.

Ruki: A little passive-aggressive maybe? 

Kaya: Maybe. Do you even mind? 

Ruki: Definitely not.

Ruki left a kiss on her neck and grabbed her butt cheeks, massaging them. It felt good to have access to her after sex, it always did.

Kaya: No more. I am hungry.

Ruki: I thought you wanted to be devoured.

Kaya: Would you?

Ruki: I could try.

The desk cried.

Kaya: I think we broke my desk.

Ruki: I will get a new one for you.

"So we can break that too?", she said with a naughty smile on her lips.

Ruki: Continue smiling like that and I will do this all night long.

Kaya: I have no doubts, I just wish where all the energy and semen came from because waow!

Ruki laughed and buried his face in her neck.

Ruki: Shut up.

Kaya: Shy now? Seriously though, how can you continue after so many nights, after so many times? Even in one night! Like, without a break, how can you continue?

Ruki: Do not ask. I have no idea. Maybe it is just you.

Kaya: Ha-ha! Funny! Okay up now, enough snuggling.

He got up and helped her up. Kaya found baby wipes to clean up and fixed her dress afterwards. Her cheeks were still red and her hair was messy. Ruki fixed her hair with his fingers as she stared at him with a smile on her lips. He realised the way she looked at him. Lovingly. That was the word to describe it. He left a kiss on her forehead, he did not need to say anything neither did she.

Afterwards, he drove them to the city centre and found a place to eat. They talked for hours again without realising it was over 12 o'clock. He did not want to leave but he had promised her to be a good boy so he drove her home to pick her up the next day. 

Ruki picked Kaya up again the next day after lunchtime for Hana's party. Hana lived outside the city so they were most likely staying there. He felt weird, to be honest. Her sister, her parents and their good friends would be there and he would be just the "new friend" even though there was a silent agreement between the two that he was more than a friend. Also, meeting her parents like this?! Why was it that he had agreed on it? Oh yes, he was trying to find his way in her life and had something to prove. Kaya put her bag in the back and sat next to him.

She had a thin navy dress with short sleeves which looked like it was made of linen. The dress was cinched at the waist and had two deep slits on the sides that flashed her nice legs from time to time. She found the belt but stopped midway and stared at Ruki. Then she started laughing. 

Ruki: What is so funny?

Kaya: I do not think I have seen you nervous before. Flustered? Shocked? Shy? Yes. Nervous? This is new.

Ruki: Well you have only known me for almost two months, I have many emotions.

Kaya: Well, the one I know the best is the turned on one.

Ruki: Whose fault is that?

She laughed as she buckled the belt. Ruki started driving and he found different songs for her to sing for the road. He would start the song and she had to guess what it was from the first few seconds and sing it for him. She had a lovely voice that had a good range so for him, it was just an excuse to make her sing and hear her voice outside of the bed.

Kaya: Oh! I forgot!

She turned the radio down.

Kaya: I have been to your store.

Ruki: You did? Shit, I am really nervous now.

Kaya: Why?

Ruki: Call it self consciousness but I do care how the store looks as well as the items, right? And you are an interior designer/architect. I saw your firm, I think you are top-tier.

Kaya: If I may, I am top-tier. I do not come cheap.

Ruki: I have not paid anything yet, how much is my debt.

Kaya laughed and punched him in the arm.

Kaya: I truly hate you. I loved the store by the way. It is a very nice store and I was told you had some decorative items designed personally. You have a nice taste, better taste than you have in women.

Ruki: Now, I have amazing taste in women.

Kaya: You sure?

Ruki: Yes I am. Although I have to admit, they have not been conventional relationships.

Kaya: Conventional is the keyword and here another one, "Normal" and "available".

Ruki: Isn't it too boring then?

Kaya: You are crazy. We are almost there. If anyone asks -

Ruki: - we are friends. I know.

Kaya: Thanks. Back to the subject with your work. You work on order huh?

Ruki: Yes.

Kaya: Would you like to work with my clients too? Time to time, if you feel like it. I liked your aesthetic and if you feel like the client will like it, you can work with me sometimes.

Ruki: I would love to. Ken will hate that idea. I am all in.

Kaya: I am not asking him. He is my boss but not really. I would ask his dad, to be honest, he is the real boss. And, he loves me to bits.

Ruki: Let me guess, he'd like you to marry Ken.

Kaya: Oh no. He would definitely not have me marry him. My dad would though.

Ruki: Wait, what? Are you not good enough for his son?

Kaya: No, he thinks Ken is not good enough for me.

Ruki: I love that man, he is smart. Your dad needs to learn from him.

Kaya starting laughing again.

Kaya: It is just that my dad is not old enough to have the experience.

Ruki: I see, I see. I guess I understand the sentiment, he has known him since he was a child so, that makes sense right. He probably acts all nice and all, around your dad.

Kaya: He is normally very nice actually. Mostly.

Ruki: Oh please.

Kaya: Well, I mostly see him at work nowadays and at work it is fine. For me at least. All the interns he has fucked would disagree.

Ruki started laughing.

Ruki: I see how nice he is now, that definitely helps. By the way, talking about it. I realised it yesterday, you are not that vanilla after all.

Kaya: Well... I think I would disagree if you compare it to some others we know.

Ruki: Threesome and cuffs are not very vanilla. Also, add the beads to your list now.

Kaya: Well I do not count it really, it was a stupid thing to do and I was a little too young maybe, to agree on such a thing, okay? I was not interested, to begin with, either and I still am not. I mean I think 16 years old barely qualifies for understanding what was what.

Ruki hit the brakes.

Ruki: Excuse me what?

Kaya: Shit.

Ruki: Say that last part again.

Kaya: I prefer not to.

He started driving again to focus on something other than what he had just heard. But he could not let it go.

Ruki: You were fucking 16 when he asked for a threesome?! Are you kidding me?!

Kaya sank in her seat, crossed her arms and stared out of the window.

Ruki: You have to be kidding me. Why did you say yes to it?

"Well, the word I said was not 'yes' ", she murmured.

Ruki: I- what?! Did he force you? A 16 YEARS OLD?!

Kaya: Not really. Look, that is the reason why he lost his chance and never getting it back again. He is a colleague and a family friend, that is all he is. I moved on so please drop it.

Ruki: I do not get how you are still working with him.

Kaya: I had to in the beginning then things just rolled. He is a good colleague and for me, that is all he is. Can we not drop it now. Please. I do not think about then and I really am not interested in thinking about it. Please.

Ruki looked out of the window and tried to calm down. Why was she still working with him, he could not understand. He could not wrap his head around the fact that a 20 something-year-old man had forced a 16 years old girl he was supposed to be mentoring for a threesome. He sighed as he started the car again.

Ruki: Tell me one thing. Does it not bother you at all?

Kaya: Ruki, I am not stupid or 16 any more. Of course, it does bother me and if I had a daughter of my own, I would never let her alone with a guy like him. I got better at reading people since then. I am aware what he did was wrong and it was taking advantage of me and my problems. I was bullied at school and it felt good to be wanted by an older guy who was handsome and whom I had a crush on. It was never like I loved him or anything in the true sense. I did not get it was wrong back then but I caught on pretty quickly. That was the last thing we did and I left him there and then. Working with him does not bother me because I look at it as a professional relationship, separate from our past and family friendship. Will you now please, please drop it.

He grabbed her hand and kissed it.

Ruki: I will drop it. 

He sighed and focused back on the road.

Ruki: I am just saying you are not that vanilla.

Kaya chuckled. He could stop mentioning it but he could not really forget it so making a joke of it was his only way to avoid more conflict.

Kaya: The grey house.

Ruki: That is big, what were they doing for a job?

Kaya: Funny enough, Hana became a doctor. Her husband Toshi is working as a consultant, I think he is the chief of the team or something. I think he inherited a lot from his family too.

Ruki: I see. Just parking here?

Kaya: Yes you can.

Ruki parked next to a small red car and got out of the car to get the luggage. Kaya joined him shortly but her attention was on something else.

Kaya: Oh shit.

Ruki: Is everything okay?

Kaya: Uhm... You are not going to be happy.

She scrunched her face.

Ruki: What?

He followed her gaze to see Ken sitting in his car.

Kaya: I forgot that Ken is usually invited to these things. It is family and friends and...

Ruki: He is a family friend.

He noticed that he had started breathing from his nose. Kaya turned to him in panic.

Kaya: Ruki, you have to behave and can not tell anyone what you know about me and him. Do not, please do not go into a contest with him. It is fine in private but not here.

Ruki: No one knows?

Kaya: Not a single soul. Please. He will probably push you but if you let anything out, my dad will be so heartbroken. If you keep it, I will let you sleep in my bed tonight.

Ruki: You are making a great bargain but can I not punch him once? When no one is looking?

He saw Ken getting out of his car, he really wanted to punch the guy. He knew why he had not liked him from the moment he saw him. Ken also saw them and instead of saying anything or walking to the house, he stood next to his car and watched them.

Ruki: I could punch him now and walk away. No one would see.

Kaya wrapped her arms around him and kissed him, he had not seen that coming. He wrapped his arms around her waist instinctively and pulled her in. If she continued like this his knees would give in. Luckily she broke the kiss after a while, panting she whispered into his ear: " I do not have any underwear. So be a good boy and join me tonight.".

Ruki: That, that really is a bargain I can not pass. I will drop it.

Kaya: Thank you.

Ruki let her down again and his eyes met with Ken's, the man looked defeated. Suddenly Ken nodded at him and walked inside. Ruki picked their bag and walked in with Kaya.

Kaya: Just set the bags here, it should be fine.

Ruki: How many guests are there again?

Kaya: Normally a lot but I did not see that many cars outside so, maybe not that many. My dad and mom are here though.

Hana's head appeared from behind a door that Ruki assumed was the garden door.

Hana: You really did come! That is a level up. Come out to the garden, Mikey is sleeping upstairs so I do not want anyone making sound in the house.

Kaya: Where are the girls?

Hana: Shipped them to their friends for a stay-over. Hello Mr Big- Sorry, Ruki.

Ruki: You will never drop it will you?

Hana: I am happily married but that... No, I will not forget.

Kaya: That is uncomfortable.

Hana: That is why you have a big sister.

Kaya: Hana, he is a friend. Mom and dad will ask about it, he is a friend.

Hana shrugged: "Ugh, fine. You are so annoying sometimes.", she said as she walked back to the garden.

Kaya: Ruki, if you want to leave you can leave now. This will be your last chance.

Ruki smiled and grabbed her butt, really no underwear.

Ruki: I was promised a place in your bed for tonight. I am taking that.

Kaya: So you are staying because you are horny?

Ruki: A little bit of that, a little bit of curiosity.

They were about to walk to the garden when a middle-aged woman with black hair called Kaya's name. Ruki did not have to think about who she was. Their jawlines, eye shapes, eyebrows and lips were the same. It was her mom. He could see where Kaya's beauty and the tiny lines

Kaya: Mama! It's been a while.

He watched the two women hug each other. Then Kaya's mom turned her attention to Ruki.

" You did not bring Miyo this year. Who is your new friend?", she asked with a hopeful smile. It reminded him of his own mother's smile when she would ask him if he was seeing someone, hoping for a daughter in law soon.

Kaya: This is my friend Ruki. Just a friend. Ruki, this is my mom Maiko.

Maiko: Nice to meet you, young man. Call me just Maiko.

Ruki: Nice to meet you. Maiko... It is a pretty name, anything to do with dancing?

Maiko: Yes actually. Quick guy, that is why you were kissing him. I truly hope you are not kissing all your friends like that.

Ruki saw Kaya's jaw drop, he found it hard not to laugh.

Maiko: Do you want to know why the dancing kid?

Ruki: Yes, please.

Maiko: My mom was a geiko, then she stopped when she met my dad. Thus a nod to her old life. She thought me how to dance and I thought the two knuckleheads how to dance.

Ruki: In a kimono?

Maiko nodded.

Ruki: Would you happen to have a picture of it?

Maiko: Oh I have better, videos. Yes multiple. Would you like to see?

Kaya: Mom no! No!

Ruki: She knows very well I would like to see that. 

Maiko: Then answer me, are you two more than just friends?

Kaya: Mom!

Maiko: I am not asking you, you never tell these things. So young man, answer me.

Ruki looked at Kaya, he did not want to miss his ticket to her bed.

Maiko: Oh come on you two. You can make an old lady happy, I will not tell your dad.

Maiko poked Kaya in the arm.

Kaya: Ugh... Fine, I guess he is just a bit more than a friend. Just a bit. No videos!

Maiko: I make that decision, I will steal your friend for a bit, go mingle.

Kaya shook her head in disbelief.

Kaya: Mama, not to dad.

Maiko: I said fine, I am old, not deaf or dumb. Go mingle.

Maiko grabbed Ruki by the arm and pulled him out to the garden.

Maiko: I know my daughter can be hard. I am sorry about that. Is she being nice at least?

Ruki: I thought it was always the guy being asked: "Are you being nice to her?".

Maiko: Not with my girls. Hana scared 5 guys away. Kaya scared... Oh god knows how many. I am pretty sure I saw her make boys cry at high school.

Ruki: I have not cried yet, I think.

Maiko laughed.

Maiko: Good. I have that video on my phone, do you want it?

Ruki: I have never seen someone sell their own child this quickly.

Maiko: If a mom will not embarrass her child what is she good for?

Ruki could not hold it any more and started laughing.

Maiko: Also, if she did not think you would make it or if you were not important for her, you would not be here. This might be your test. So how do we send this video again? Help me out, so you can annoy her back when she annoys you.

Ruki: You are the best mom I ever met.

Maiko: I would agree so.

Ruki found his phone as he chuckled and helped Maiko transfer a few videos of Kaya.

Maiko: This one, you will love it. It is hilarious, it is her eating ice cream for the first time. She went nuts for it. Oh, maybe you sho-

Kaya: Mom!

Kaya came out of nowhere and grabbed her mom's phone.

Kaya: No more airdropping videos to him.

Ruki: I got pictures too.

Kaya: You are enjoying it way too much.

Ruki: Only if I knew your mom was so nice, I would have asked to meet her before.

Kaya: Good she lives far away.

Maiko: Friends my ass. I will go and help your dad.

Kaya closed her eyes and shook her head.

Kaya: Not helpful at all.

Ruki: What? I am trying to be a good friend, that is all.

Kaya: Sure, friend. Do you want to meet the dad and be done with it?

Ruki pointed with his head to the middle-aged man controlling the barbecue. He had the same hair colour as Kaya but whites were showing here and there, his cheekbones, forehead and the way he stood was almost the same as Kaya. Ruki could not see his eyes but guessed they were also the same colour.

Ruki: Your dad?

Kaya nodded.

Kaya: My big old man.

He really was a big man. Ruki guessed he was at least 180. He also had wide shoulders and a chest making him look like a mountain.

Kaya: If you ever go into a dick contest again with Ken, know that my one and only love is that man there, the man that is looking at his cooking steak with love.

Ruki tapped on her nose: "If I am losing the contest to him, I can live with it."

Kaya squeezed his hand tightly and smiled at him before letting his hand go again quickly.

Kaya: Come, you will eventually have to meet and I will prefer it not happening on the table.

Ruki: Is it okay if I feel like a teenage boy who is meeting his girlfriend's dad for the first time and wants to vomit?

Kaya turned around and faced him. He thought she'd be annoyed or angry but she was smiling.

Kaya: You are really the worst, you never learn. I'd kiss you right now.

Ruki: So, you like the idea?

Kaya: Slightly. Don't push it.

She turned around again and pulled him towards her dad. When her dad saw her coming, his whole face lightened up. He guessed Kaya was his favourite. Parents are not supposed to have favourites but there was always a child that got along better with one certain parent. Her dad opened his arms wide and embraced her tightly as soon as she was close enough. "My pretty girl", he exclaimed as he kept hugging her. Ruki was afraid she would choke there but instead heard her laugh.

Kaya: Hello papa. Papa, you are choking me slightly.

"Oh sorry honey.", said her dad in English and let her go.

Kaya: Papa, this is my friend Ruki. Friend. Ruki, this is my dad Matthew.

Matthew: Just Matt. Nice to meet you.

Matthew grabbed Ruki's hand and shook it.

Kaya: You lived here for over 20 years and still the bowing concept is lost to you.

Matt: Well, if you are bringing someone to this party it means its hugging and handshaking zone. It is a nice change to see your other friends and know you have other friends than Miyo.

Ruki: She'd be so offended.

Matt: You know her too?

Kaya: That is how we met, kind of. Common friends.

Matt: She has more than two friends?

Kaya: Shocking, huh?

Matt: You never mention your life here in Tokyo.

Ruki just quietly listened to Kaya speaking with her dad. Her dad was a nice man who was just worried about her. He wondered if he should walk away and let them talk, not that they were talking anything private. The subject had shifted from Kaya's friends to the meat sauce he had used, then it switched to Kaya's work. He took a step backwards but Kaya's fingers found his' and entangled themselves around his fingers. He stepped closer to her and moved slightly behind her to hide it. He wondered if she was aware of it. Her dad's attention then shifted to Ruki or more to the fact that he was there.

Matt: You never brought a male friend before.

Kaya: Probably the lack of them. This one was just free.

Her dad nodded, clearly amused and did not believe her.

Kaya: What?

Matt: I did not say anything. You could always bring Ken but you never did.

Kaya: So you invited him? As you do every year?

Matt: Well, he is a friend, no? I am just pointing a fact here.

Kaya: Which is?

Matt: That you are discriminating between your male friends. The question is why?

They were switching back and forth between Japanese and English which made it really hard to follow the conversation for him.

Matt: Look, I do not care who is in and not in your life honey. All I care about is that you are not lonely and there is someone you can fall back to. Anyway, I know you go your way. The meat is ready, go sit down. Hope you like a good teak Ruki.

Ruki: Yes I do.

Matt set the stakes on a plate and cut them as he whistled a tune. Kaya followed him and started whistling the same tune as she dragged Ruki to the table, still holding his hand.

Ruki: You are not subtle at all.

Kaya: No one will see. No one looks.

Ruki: And if someone sees? Will you tell them I am your friend with benefit or your boyfriend?

Kaya: I will go for the latter.

Ruki: I hope someone sees so I can hear you say that.

She pinched his arm as they sat down.

Kaya: Horrible guy.

Ruki: I really am. So, let me see, everyone here is either family or really close friends?

Kaya: Yes. Friends we have known almost our life.

Ruki: Yes it is really strange you brought me.

Kaya: Technically, Hana invited you, not me and you chose to come.

Ruki: Good point.

Ruki sat next to Kaya who was sitting next to her dad. Her mom was sitting across them and Ken was sitting right next to her, facing directly them. Ruki could see him breathing from his nose. What had he thought after all those years he would be able to charm his way back into her heart after what he had done? Ruki chose to ignore him even though Ken would not look away. Next to him sat Hana and her husband and then their friends.

Hana: Papa, speech time!

Matt: What speech? We do this every year do we need to say the same things every year?

Hana: We have new guests so welcome them will you.

Matt sighed and got up holding a glass of beer then he cleared his throat.

Matt: Well, well, I am forced as usual. Family, friends... Welcome to the annual summer gathering we have been doing for what, 20 years or so. People come and go but the sentiments are always the same. I am always so happy to have you ay our table, see your smiles and hear you laugh. I am grateful for the life we have now and I am grateful for this beautiful family and I am truly blessed to have three beautiful ladies by my side.

Hana: Oh he is crying again, someone bring the camera!

Matt: Horrible daughter.

Kaya: We love you too papa.

Hana: Daddy's little girl, truly.

Maiko: She is much nicer that is probably why.

Ruki: I doubt that very much but.

Everyone started laughing, he did not realise he was that loud.

Matt: Now that is an honest man, now I can learn the truth.

Kaya: What you think you do not know me?

Matt: Uhm...

Hana looked at Ruki and started laughing again.

Matt: Well, let's just say you do not share, definitely the most private person in the family. I mean I am even surprised you did not invite Miyo but someone else. A man.

Hana: To be honest, I invited him. She would not and Ruki jumped on it.

Ken: How do you know him?

Matt: Good question.

Hana turned to Ken with a naughty smile, "at her home.", she said then turned to Ruki and winked. She hated Ken. Ruki felt good having another person share his dislike, so he was not being irrational or just jealous. Ken was probably aware of Kaya's other friends and had thought Ruki was the same and the truth had just hit him, his face fell.

Kaya: Have you all teased me enough? You can have another round after dessert.

Maiko: Why are you volunteering?

Hana: She just knows its coming and she can not avoid it.

Kaya nodded as she took a sip from her wine.

Hana: Send the meat Dr Howard, let's see how good your scalpel skills are.

Matt: Child, you are 20 years or so behind. Whose skills are you going to judge?

Ruki turned to Kaya, he was confused.

Ruki: My dad would kick me out if I spoke like that to him.

Kaya: Welcome to my family. My dad used to tease everyone so Hana quickly caught up with it. Then it caught on me. Even River and Rainn do it. It is a bad habit actually. Can you reach the wine?

Ruki: Do you want me to stop you at some point during the night?

Kaya: Oh like last time? Yes, please.

Ruki poured some wine for Kaya and waited for the food to make a tour around the table. He mostly listened to the conversations going around him. Kaya's family was very close to each other, they joked, talked about old stories, vacations and more. It was as if he was watching a film of someone else's life but rather than seeing it, he was being told to. He learned many things about Kaya when she was a child or when she was at work. Apparently, she was cruel at work and precise. At least there she knew what she wanted. After sitting for two hours and eating he decided he needed a smoke.

Ruki: Can I smoke here?

Hana: Definitely not. There is a small garden next to the kitchen, use that one.

Ruki grabbed his phone and drink and walked to where he was told to smoke. He had not realised until then that the table was actually very loud. He listened to cicadas as he smoked. Then he remembered the videos he got from Maiko. He checked and was surprised to see it was not one or two but five of them. The first one was of Kaya as a small child, maybe three maybe four years old. She was sitting on the floor with a small cup of ice cream between her legs. Ruki started the video.

"Maiko: Kacchan, this is icecream. Can you say it, ice cream"

Kaya: eye cream.

Matt: Well close enough. Here, try it with this spoon."

Matt entered the video, he was so young. His hairs were exactly like Kaya's. He was a handsome man. Kaya looked at the ice cream with doubt, as if she did not trust it. She put a finger and removed it immediately, looking confused. "Cold!", she exclaimed. She had very very round cheeks which made her look cuter. Her confused and doubtful stares had not changed over 20 years, it was so easy to see it was Kaya. She finally took a spoonful of ice cream and chewed on it. She looked even more confused for a few second then suddenly her eyes grew, Ruki could pinpoint the moment she liked the taste, then she put her face right into the ice cream cup. Her parents' loud laughter could be heard in the background. Her mom ran to her and lifted her head up making sure her nose was not blocked with ice cream.

Matt: Louise, say hi to the camera.

Kaya looked into the camera and smiled widely, her whole face covered in chocolate ice cream. Ruki could not stop laughing so he watched it again. Then he remembered the dancing video. It was easy to find as it was the only video with kimonos. His heart skipped a beat, she looked beautiful in a kimono. Her long thin neck and limbs were highlighted by the kimono and the hair-do. Was the kimono a turn on or was it because she looked beautiful in it? He started the video. Kaya entered the video as well, they must have been having their pictures taken for a special event. Ruki heard Maiko encouraging them for a dance, the two girls laughed at first but then gave in and started dancing. He figured Kaya was in her teens from the way she talked, they were joking about dancing in kimonos as their mom would. Ruki was not sure what the dance was related to but he realised they were probably joking around anyway. Hana's movement was very stiff compared to Kaya's whose movements were soft, elegant and felt fluid.

"Oh that.", said a voice behind him suddenly. Ruki turned around to find Ken staring down at him with a cigarette between his fingers.

Ken: I was the one to take that kimono off of her that night. She looked really pretty.

Ruki: You are disgusting.

Ken: You will not last long.

Ruki: I am glad that is not your decision. Also, I do not see you undressing her anymore. Maybe you should shut up and think about how you ended up without her.

Ken: Still, you will not last long.

Ruki: You think you know her because you were there first or you have known her longest, don't you? Do you think that you own her or something?

Ken looked at his cigarette. He was grinning and Ruki had the urge to punch him but he knew better.

Ken: Isn't it a saying "firsts are never forgotten"?

Ruki closed his eyes took a deep breath, he was trying his best not to answer him back. He was aware Ken was pushing him just to see if Ruki would cause a scene and be asked to leave. But would he sit there and wait for Ken to annoy him with his stories? No, he would not.

Ruki: Well, maybe next time you can just listen in again as the creep you are. How about that? 

Ken took a step towards him and opened his mouth to answer only to be silenced by Hana.

Hana: Oh dear Ken, this is a measurement contest you can not win. Really not even close.

Ken glared at Hana before walking away breathing from his nose. Ruki cursed silently.

Hana: Ken the creep. Seriously, if Kaya heard you two, she'd be pissed off. You'd be the end that receives the worst, she does not have to work with you. Relax, I know about Ken.

Ruki: You do?

Hana: Yes, my lil sister might be more careful now but she was not back then. Also, I saw them. She does not know that I know.

Ruki: I see. You will not be mentioning any of this to her, will you?

Hana: Heck no. Awkward conversation. Thanks no, I have three kids that scream at me all day long already, do not need another one.

Ruki: Thanks. Wait, how do you know what he looks like?

Hana: Well...

Ruki: No!

Hana nodded scrunching her face.

Ruki: Ew! When? I mean timeline-wise.

Hana: Before Kaya. I think. I hope so at least.

Ruki: Ew!

Hana: Shut up. You are not doing any better but I have to say, I am impressed you made it to the dinner. I have a serious question.

Ruki: Yes.

Hana: How the fuck does that fit in my little sister because she is tiny! She is a tiny woman!

Ruki buried his face in his hands. He wondered if Hana had limits at all.

Hana: Ahaha! I am joking. Kind of. Slightly curious too though.

Ruki: Please stop, it is very uncomfortable. 

Hana: Fine, fine.

Ruki: Why does she still work with him?

Hana: Did you ask her?

Ruki: I did, I am asking your opinion.

Hana: She did not start working for him, it was his dad. Ken's dad is a big name in that world and he loves Kaya to bits. He was her inspiration to become an architect I think. So naturally, she went to work for him and with him. Let me tell you, if this man dies, he will leave his empire to Kaya mostly. Ken is good but not that good. He trusts her so Kaya actually stays for his sake. She is also treated well, actually better than she would be anywhere else and she is respected because he respects her. It is a good deal for a woman in men's world.

Ruki: Is she really that good?

Hana: Really good. She helped with this house too, I was shocked how good it turned out.

Ruki: Such confidence in your sister.

Hana chuckled.

Hana: Do you have more cigarettes?

Ruki: Also, a lot of common points with her too.

Ruki took his cigarette pack and gave her one.

Even though they were sisters and looked a lot like each other, spoke similarly, the way they moved was so different from each other. Kaya was always more soft-spoken, softer voice, gentle movements. She also smiled more than Hana. Hana's voice was deeper, she smiled less and her movements were less elegant. She reminded him of a girl from the upper classes at high school who scared everyone.

Hana: We grew up together after all. Tell me Ruki, is she okay? Is she happy?

Ruki: I... You should ask her.

Hana: I do. I am asking for your opinion.

Ruki: To be honest, I do not know how she is feeling inside. She seems content, happy but I do not have full access to her or anything like that which is what I assume you think I have.

Hana: I see. But you two spend a lot of time together, no? She never really talks about you. I mean I ask her but she just moves around the subject, avoids it a bit. But every time I call her she is either with you or have been with you or will be with you.

Ruki: You know she is seeing others, right?

Hana: Yeah, that. Somehow I do not see you as the sharer.

Ruki: I am not.

Hana raised her eyebrows.

Hana: Ow. Wow. That is... That is bad. How is that going then?

Ruki: Uhm... I do not know. I do not ask about them and I do not think she had time to see anyone else.

Hana: Ah! You are so smart! You have been seeing her so much so she would not see others?

Ruki: Yeah. I am bad. I am horrible.

Hana: You really are.

Ruki: Yes, but I will be busy at some point and I know she will go back to them. So... I do not have any answers to your question. I would say if she was happy, she would not go to them. I would say if she was happy, I'd be invited to her bedroom and not just the couch.

Hana: Rough. You know the thing with her bedroom. Really not many people are allowed in. She only allows the kids. I was there once and she said no to me too. I wanted to have an old-timey sleepover.

Ruki: So it is not just me?

Hana: She has things she is still dealing with and Uhm... It takes a long time. But no, it is not just you. I think I can say this much, it is the room where she can cry and hide her skeletons. So it is her safe place and she does not want to share it.

Ruki: It would have been so much easier if she put it that way.

Hana chuckled.

Hana: I doubt she understands it. To her, it is probably an illogical obsession right now. But you did not ask me.

Ruki: Ask you what?

Hana: Do I think she looks happy?

Ruki: Oh, do you think she is happy?

Hana: I do. You know I have seen her after her night outs and she would always look miserable. Lonelier than before, sadder than before but you... She would kill me if she heard me say this but, I think she is in love with you and she just can not accept it can happen.

Ruki: Do you really think so?

Hana: Yes I do. She looks happy and relaxed with you based on what I have seen so far today and she definitely looks in love even though she can not accept it right now.

Ruki: Do you think she will accept it one day?

Hana: I am sure she will as long as you keep looking at her the way you look at her.

Ruki: How do I look at her?

Hana: Like you would die for her, so fucking in love.

He knew his cheeks would get red, he liked hearing it and he most definitely liked getting what it felt like insider information.

Ruki: You are not precious with your sister's private life are you?

Hana: Not a single bit.

They both laughed at Hana.

"What are you two laughing at? Also, you two sitting and laughing looks ominous", said Kaya's voice behind them. They both turned around biting their lips. Kaya was far enough not to be able to hear what they were speaking. Then Ruki realised the small baby in her arms, she was leaving small kisses on the baby's head as she stared at them. He could not help but smile at the view. She looked smitten with the baby and having a baby in her arms suited her. She looked like she was used to having a baby in her arms, as it came to her naturally. Ruki felt like he always looked awkward when he was carrying his nieces.

Hana: Mikey!

Ruki: So this is the third one?

Kaya: Yes the main guy who owns my heart.

Ruki: How many guys am I fighting against here now?

Kaya: Many.

Ruki: I can fight anyone but not this one I think, he is way too cute.

Hana: He really is. Definitely the cutest little guy.

Kaya: I think he is hungry, I changed his diaper.

Hana: I will take him, let's go little man.

Hana got up winking at Ruki and took Mikey back into the house. Kaya watched after them for a while then sat on the stairs right behind Ruki wrapping her arms around his chest and pressing her body to his.

Kaya: What were you two laughing at?

Ruki: You'd like to know right?

Kaya: Very much.

Ruki reached behind him, slipped his hand under her skirt and found her legs and caressed them.

Kaya: What were you two talking about?

Ruki: About you.

Kaya: Shocker.

Ruki: She was saying that you are so smitten with me.

Kaya: Did she now? What would she know?

Ruki: You really should accept being my girlfriend now.

Kaya pressed her body harder on his back.

Kaya: In your dreams.

Ruki: Yes, that does happen in my dreams. What about being my lover then?

Kaya: I thought I already was.

Ruki traced the curves of her leg, up her inner thighs and slipped his finger inside making her let a small moan out.

Ruki: Oh well, I guess you are.

Kaya: Probably a bad idea by the way.

Ruki: Probably.

He pulled his finger out and sucked it.

Ruki: Not bad, coffee lover?

Kaya laughed and pinched his arm.

Ruki: I will get marks if you continue like this.

Kaya put her head on his shoulder and sighed.

Kaya: Can I ask something?

Ruki: Go ahead.

Kaya: I never thought about it or asked and maybe you will think it is stupid but... Am I the only one you are seeing?

Ruki: What? Yes, of course, you are. Did it feel like I have time for someone else? That I go around having lunch meetings and quick sex and come to you for more? Especially after I said that I love you.

Kaya: No, it does not feel like that. But is there really no one else? Don't you want to see someone else?

Ruki: What for?

Kaya: To square things out? I don't know. It feels unfair to you.

Ruki: Have you been seeing others?

Kaya: Not recently but I know I will.

Ruki: Well, I am not interested in others otherwise I would not be here. I agreed to this whole thing, right? So let me worry about what is fair and what is not. I am at least the VIP, that helps.

Kaya chuckled and left a kiss on his neck. If only she would give in.

Kaya: What have you been doing here all this time? It has been a while.

Ruki: I was watching the videos your mom sent. I am especially fond of the ice cream monster and the dancing duo in kimonos.

Kaya: Oh she sent that?

Ruki: Yes. It made me want to see you in a kimono.

Kaya: No way.

Ruki: What? Why?

Kaya: I do not look good in a kimono.

Ruki: Are you kidding me?

Kaya: No I mean it. It does not fit me, and I do not fit in it either. I look out of place.

Ruki: That is not true, I saw the video and lady let me tell you you looked beautiful.

Kaya: You say that because you are too nice.

Ruki: What? No. I mean it.

Kaya: I really do look out of place. Hana looks pretty with her black hair and all and I just look weird. That is it.

Ruki turned around to face her, there was a sadness in her eyes.

Ruki: Who told you that?

Kaya: What?

Ruki: That you looked out of place in a kimono.

Kaya sighed and looked away.

Kaya: You know, I was called the fake Japanese girl. They kept mocking me saying I was faking to be Japanese and all.

Ruki: Oh no...

Kaya shrugged.

Kaya: Well, whatever I just do not fit it.

Ruki sat sideways, grabbed her arm and pulled her between his arms. Then he nuzzled behind her ear. He found that to be the hottest place. She smelled the strongest there, it was always soft and warm.

Ruki: Kaya, wear a kimono for me and I will show you how beautiful you look in it.

She laughed, blushing.

Kaya: You mean out of the kimono?

Ruki: I will get to see both.

Kaya: You are so annoying.

Ruki: I mean it Kaya, you look phenomenal in the kimono.

Ruki put his forehead on Kaya's forehead and looked into her grey eyes that seemed deep blue. Kaya smiled shyly.

Kaya: What?

Ruki: I am just looking at you.

Kaya: Why are you like this?

Ruki: How am I?

Kaya: Even though I tell you that I will go and see others and sleep with them, you still look at me this way.

Ruki: How am I looking at you?

Kaya: Lovingly. That is beside the point.

Ruki: What would you have me do?

Kaya: I thought...

She looked away before looking at him again.

Kaya: I thought you'd be angry. I thought you'd leave.

Ruki: Is that what you want me to do? Or is that a test to see if I would stay or go?

Kaya: It is not a test. I just sometimes think. No, often think that...

Ruki: Think what?

Kaya: I often think you should hate me and you keep looking at me like that.

Ruki: And you know what? Every time I see you, I fall a bit more in love with you.

Kaya: See, you say things like that.

Ruki: You know what? I think deep in here,

He pressed his index finger to her chest.

Ruki: You want to hold on to your safety net, the thing you know that somehow works so you want me to get angry and leave so you do not feel guilty. Did others leave?

She looked at her hands and nodded.

Ruki: So do you want me to stay or leave?

Kaya: Would you leave?

Ruki: Well, I-

Before he could finish his word she wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered: "Stay.". Ruki hugged her back.

Ruki: I was about to say I intend to abuse my VIP rights to their full extend.

Kaya: Fully?

Ruki: Yes very much. Isn't that why you gave them to me? So I can abuse it.

She didn't answer but he could feel her lips shape into a smile on his neck. How long did they sit there, hugging each other? Part of him wanted to shake her and tell her he hated the agreement, he hated it so much. He would not be able to think of anything else but her and try to open up his schedule so he could spend time with her before she could arrange a date with someone else. However, another part of him was afraid to tell it to her. If she wanted it, she had to suggest it herself and she had to decide she was ready for it or not.

Kaya: Do you hear that?

Ruki had not realised before but he could hear someone singing in the background, coming from where everyone was sitting.

Ruki: Who is it that is singing?

Kaya: That would be my mom I think and I think that is my dad playing. I think we would go back now.

She slowly got up and pulled him up with her, with a smile on her lips. He wondered if he would ever be able to say "no" or "goodbye" to her and walk away from her? He followed her holding her hand. They stood by the garden door and watched her parents' duet. Her father was very talented and had an amazingly husky voice that was pleasant to hear. Her mother had a softer clean voice. They both knew how to use their voices. Couples started getting up and dancing slowly in the garden.

Kaya: Do you want to?

Ruki: Huh?

She looked down at her toes, biting her lips.

Kaya: Dance. Do you want to dance?

Ruki: I suck at dancing.

Kaya: It is just slow dancing. You really just hold each other and move around.

Ruki: Wait, isn't that a little too romantic for your taste?

Kaya: Yeah, sure joke around.

Ruki: Fine, fine but really, is it not?

"I think we are past that point now.", she said as she shrugged.

Ruki pulled her in for a hug and she wrapped her arms around his neck as she laughed.

Ruki: Do not get angry at me if I step on your toes.

Kaya: You won't step on my toes. It is just a slow dance, you move around slowly. Hold me by the waist gently. Look at Kaya and her husband, it is not supposed to be complicated.

Ruki held her by the waist gently and Kaya kept her arms around his neck.

Kaya: Back and forth and sideways, just as you want.

He followed her guidance and looked around them to see what others did and copied them.

Ruki: I really will suck at this.

Kaya: It will be worth it even if you end up killing us both.

Ruki: Really?

She pressed her nose to his and smiled at him.

Ruki: How tipsy are you?

Kaya: You think I am being so nice because I am tipsy?

Ruki: I am suspicious.

Kaya: Could there be no other reasons?

Ruki: I do not like to assume things. Especially when it comes to you.

Kaya: Assume ahead.

Ruki: Uhmm... I will tread lightly. You are happy?

Kaya: You are not bad at this. Well, it does not need much talent anyway. Happy? Yes. What else?

Ruki: I am not sure if you are complimenting me or not. What else? I do not know.

Kaya: I am glad you stuck around.

Ruki: Be careful, you are starting to sound like I am your boyfriend.

Kaya: You hear that because you'd like to hear it. Let's just say that I am happy I got to dance with you like this.

Ruki: And then you call me the romantic.

Kaya: Shut up and dance.

He would not be able to walk away from her no matter what, that was for sure. He danced with her for three songs and her parents kept singing.

Ruki: Is this a normal summer gathering in your family?

Kaya: Pretty much yes. Sometimes more people, sometimes less. But my parents always sing.

Ruki: That is why you always want to sing and play the guitar or piano.

Kaya: Uhm... Maybe. I grew up with it after all and that to me feels like a good evening.

Ruki: Why not sing then?

Kaya: What? It is their thing not mine.

Ruki: I am sure they will like it.

Kaya: What if I played... Would you sing for me then?

Ruki: No.

Kaya: Please. Any song you want. I can play the guitar or the piano for you.

Ruki: How will you play? You do not have any notes. I do not have them either.

Kaya: I have them on my phone.

Ruki: What?

Kaya: I really enjoyed them so I scanned them and put them together with the electronic files you had and sent them to my phone so I can always have them around.

Ruki: What?

Kaya: Did I say it wrong? I said I liked them a lot so I sent them to my phone.

He felt a knot in his throat. The years he had spent trying to get people to listen to them, the years he had tried to prove their worth only to be rejected again and again. To be rejected by his parents, by his friends, by people, by society. The only time he felt like they made it, they were betrayed and the anger, bitterness and hate in him had grown and had drowned him. He had not sung properly ever since then and the joy of writing came back to him slowly long after.

Now, someone he liked truly and respected thought of that music so highly that she would keep them close to her. The idea would not just sink in and the knot in his throat would not go away. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. He could not contain his emotions in one box nor could he identify them. Where was she with all her support, acceptance and appreciation all those years ago?

Kaya: Ruki, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?

Her smile went away, now she was truly worried as he stayed unresponsive to her but if he tried to talk he would cry. Kaya got up and filled some water for him and made him drink it slowly.

Kaya: Ruki, look at me. I think you are having a panic attack.

He was what? He realised his breathing had gotten shallow and fast, he was not breathing normally.

Kaya: Okay, walk me through what is on the table. Come on, what do you see on the table?

He looked at the table trying to focus. Even his vision was not clear. "Food.", he said as that was the only thing he could see.

Kaya: What else?

Ruki: Glasses, drinks... Beer and wine glasses. Flowers.

Kaya: What are the flowers like?

Ruki: They are... They are all white, small... They are a mix of flowers.

Kaya: What about the food?

Ruki: Leftover cake and ice... Vanilla and chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips. Chocolate cake with blueberries. Thank you.

His breathing had turned normal, he could see what was in front of him again.

Kaya: Good. Do you want to take a walk or are you better now?

Ruki: I am better now.

Kaya: I am sorry, I did not know. I did not know it was that bad.

Ruki: That... That had not happened in a long while.

Kaya: I am really sorry. I just assumed it was fine since you sing a bit with me... I did not know really. Just forget about it.

Ruki: It is... I think it is okay. I think. I just... I never realised you liked them so much so that you carried them around. I was just, what do you call it? Flabbergasted?

She chuckled.

Kaya: I think they are beautiful. I do not get why it never took off.

Ruki: God knows. I do not want to talk about it but, if you would sing with me, I would try singing.

Kaya: Are you sure? It is really okay.

Ruki: If I am going to embarrass myself somewhere, I prefer it being here and never seeing anyone's faces again.

Kaya: Wait, so you are leaving me?

Ruki: I thought this was not a long term relationship anyway.

Kaya: Oh I see, I see. Let's embarrass you then. Guitar?

Ruki: Yes.

Kaya: Sit here.

Kaya walked towards the platform where her parents were singing and grabbed one of the guitars that stood next to her dad then walked back to sit next to him with a grin.

Ruki: You do not want to embarrass me on that stage?

She grinned as she tuned the guitar: "Oh Ruki...", she said and looked up at him with a captivating smile.

Kaya: The whole world is your stage. Make it your stage. Make them listen to you. What do you want to sing?

Ruki: You are good at playing the one named Calm Envy. Also, I like it when we sing a duet.

She did not say, just nodded still smiling and started playing.

Ruki wanted to start singing, wanted to sing but was afraid that his throat would betray him. Kaya did not say anything and just continued playing, giving him time. Ruki closed his eyes and pushed the first words out of his throat. They were not clean but they were there and as he feared his voice was shaking. He shut his eyes close and pushed through, after a while he felt more comfortable and his voice smoothened. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Kaya watching him carefully. He could not name the expression on her face but it warmed him, made him feel safe, wanted. So continued singing, trying to bring the emotions forth that the song required. Soon people started turning towards them and crowded around them. He kept his focus on Kaya as if she was an anchor. No, a rock that kept him safe from the waves so that he would not be swept away. Normally he would let her sing the English part but this time he joined in. After that song, Kaya did not stop and played another one, then another one pushing him to continue and the more he continued the more confident he felt. It became easier and easier to sing and enjoy the songs. After half an hour they stopped and he was startled by the clapping. He had forgotten the people around.

Matt: Well, well. We have competition Mai.

Maiko: Seems so. Which songs are these?

Kaya: Original ones.

Hana: To who?

Ruki rose his hand feeling extremely shy.

Hana: Wow!

Matt: Really?

Ruki: Yes.

Matt rubbed his hands to each other with a smile, "Oh ho ho, we are going to have some fun ladies and gentlemen. Come with my boy."

Ruki: What?

Kaya: Go. Go with him.

Ruki hesitated at first, he did not know her family well, he did not even know her that well if one would compare it to his previous girlfriends. Kaya pushed him to go so he followed Matt. He soon found out that the only thing Matt did was to talk about music. For hours... They talked about lyrics, writing, composing and whatever came to their minds. Before Ruki knew it was midnight and Maiko had dragged Matt away saying "It was enough.". Ruki looked around to find Kaya, not that he had ever actually lost sight of her. Even when he was lost in their conversation with Matt, a part of him always searched for her. He saw that she was laying on the ground with Mikey laying on her chest and she was talking with Kaya and another woman he could not remember the name of. He walked slowly towards them trying not to disturb their conversation and sat slightly further away from them at the table, he just wanted to watch Kaya and enjoy the quiet chatter of people around him. Compared to the loud chatter of the day, now people were speaking slower and softer so instead of being annoyingly loud, it was cosy. He always enjoyed people watching.

Kaya played with Mikey's hairs who had fallen asleep on her chest. Her legs were bent at the knees and were showing through the slits of her dress, turning Ruki on. She was lost in the conversation, laughing, getting serious and laughing again. However, she checked on the sleeping baby from time to time, caressing his face and looking at as he was the only thing that mattered in the world. After a while, she saw him watching her and slowly started getting up. After giving Mikey to Hana she walked towards Ruki.

Kaya: If I did not know you, I would scream, stalker.

Ruki grabbed her hand and held it tightly. 

Ruki: One day, you will get me in trouble.

Kaya: You look tired. Do you want to go to bed now? I can show you your room.

"Your room"... She had forgotten that she said he could sleep with her. He should have known better than that.

Ruki: That'd be nice.

Kaya pulled him up and guided him to his room on the second floor. It was a big room with a double bed and a view to the garden, it even had space for a medium-sized couch and a fireplace.

Kaya: Well, this is it. There is a private toilet in the room so you do not have to try to find it at night. My room is right across.

Ruki: Yeah. Thanks.

Kaya: Ruki, are you okay? You look a bit sad?

Ruki: Do I? I think I am just tired.

He was tired but more than that he was disappointed.

Kaya: Okay. Good night then.

Ruki: Good night.

He turned his back to her trying to look away as she closed the door. He heard the door close and let out a sigh. He was really disappointed. It was also stupid of him to think she would remember that, she probably had not meant it. He let out a groan. He was angrier at himself than anything for hoping he would get such a night with her. By the time he realised she was not gone it was too late. She hugged him from behind, wrapping her arms around his chest. Then she bit him gently on the neck before sucking the point she bit. He let out a moan uncontrollably.

" You thought I forgot.", she said with a grin.

Ruki: I did.

Kaya walked around him to face Ruki keeping her arms wrapped around him. She was still grinning.

Kaya: Well, I did not. Look at that silly smile at yours. Does that make you happy?

It did, it really did make him happy. He felt the butterflies in his stomach again.

Ruki: Yes, it does. It makes me happier than you can imagine.

Kaya: Show me how happy.

He tried saying something but it turned into a moan as Kaya pressed her lips on his and her tongue found his tongue as her hands found the zipper of his trousers. She did not lose any time and give him time to think. His mind went blank when she took him in her hand and started stroking him. He undid her dress automatically, with ease as if it was something he did every day all day long, and she let it fall to the ground. He had forgotten that she was naked underneath. He wanted her, all of her.

Ruki pulled Kaya closer and pressed her naked body to his own and then grabbed her butt cheeks and pulled them apart. She moaned as he expected, she herself had said she found it hot so it was something he usually used for teasing her. But today he slipped his finger in from behind making her moan and shake. She kissed him more passionately, then pushed him on to the bed and took his trousers and underwear off. Then she sat between his legs and continued stroking him. He was able to moan her name out but the others sound made no sense and they became complete nonsense when she wrapped her lips around his penis and swirled her tongue around his tip. If she wanted it, he would go on until morning, until she begged for him to stop but that was not what he wanted to do. They always ended up naked, panting on top of each other even though all he wanted was to be able to spend time with her. Was it her or was it him who was bad at just being there?

He wanted to stop her, he wanted to just hold her in his arms and watch her fall asleep but he could not even find the strength in him to stop her. It was so nice and warm in her mouth and he could feel her throat. He would not be able to take it any longer.

"Kaya... Kaya. Kaya, please. Stop. Please...." he pleaded with her.

She did not slow down or stop, she just looked at him. A glimmer in her eyes said she was enjoying herself and would not stop.

"Oh, God. Oh, God. Stop. Kaya stop. Please, God, I will come.", he pleaded one more time but again, she seemed to ignore him and continued until he could not hold himself any longer and came in her mouth. His mind was blank, he could not concentrate nor could he think. He laid down there without any control over his own body and watched her gulp the whole thing down. Was this the first time? He was sure this was the first time she has given him a blowjob even though she had offered it before. Had he known she was that good, he would have taken that offer earlier.

Kaya climbed on him and put her head on his chest with a smiled on her face. He combed through her hair with his fingers.

Ruki: You completely ignored me.

Kaya: Ooops.

She continued grinning.

Ruki: Oh Kaya... I did not come today for sex or because I had other intentions.

She crossed her arms on his chest and put her head on them and stared at him.

Kaya: You came because you are weird. You are weird enough to accept a family dinner with a girl you just met.

Ruki: Well put.

He followed the curve of her back with his hands and grabbed her butt cheeks again pulling them apart. Kaya moaned again and dug her fingers to his skin as she tried to find a thing to hold on to. He inserted a finger and played with her for a second or so before pulling it out again. 

"Oh, no. Please continue.", she moaned.

Ruki: No. Put your legs down. I never come to you only for sex, I come for spending time with you, and the sex is just a bi-product. Like... If you were a drug, wanting to have sex with you would be a side effect. Put your legs down now. I do not want to have sex tonight, Kaya. 

She sighed and rolled next to him on the bed and laid there looking at the ceiling.

Kaya: I know what you want.

Ruki: What do you think I want?

Kaya: You want to cuddle and all and fall asleep like that.

Ruki: Are you that afraid you will enjoy that one single thing so you try to distract me with that? 

Kaya: I was not trying anything.

Ruki: You know you were and you know very well it works.

She finally looked him in the eye.

Kaya: I know what you want to do and I do not want to be snuggly and cuddly all night. It is not just you, but with anyone.

Ruki: Aren't you unlucky.

He put his head on her chest and listened to her heartbeats. She brushed his hairs with her fingers

"I hate you. I truly hate you a tiny bit sometimes. You will not listen.", she said as she held a lock of his hair in her fist and pulled it gently.

Ruki: Do you for real?

Kaya: I do. A tiny bit but still, I do hate you a tiny bit. 

Ruki: Why?

Kaya: You always push through the rules I set, you find a whole and you push yourself through and you make me...

Ruki reached out and peeled her fingers open to free his hair. Then he held her hand and looked her in the eye.

Ruki: What do I make you?

Kaya: You make me want to have those cuddly moments and all and... You make me want more and I am afraid. It just makes my heart ache. I can feel my heart clench and squeeze and ache each time I want it, each time you make me want it.

A tear slid down her temple and fell on her hair. He caught the second tear before it fell and wiped it away.

Ruki: Kaya, do you actually enjoy cuddling and snuggling?

She sniffed and nodded then turned her back to him but Ruki did not let go of her hand. He laid next to her, pressing his chest on her back, still holding her hand. Then he left a kiss on her neck and her shoulder and hugged her.

Kaya: I wish you would stop being so nice and cute sometimes. I can not help and give you more and more. I am afraid I will give you all.

Ruki: I can not help. Is it bad if I give all to you and you give all to me? Isn't it fair?

She did not answer.

Ruki: When you said you give me more, do you mean more than others?

Kaya: Yes.

Ruki: Tell me all the things you give to me and you do not give them. And tell me all the things you give them but do not give to me.

Kaya: What?

Ruki: Just tell me.

Kaya: Will it make you happy knowing how much I give to you? Some sort of satisfaction maybe?

Ruki: I can not lie and say "Oh no that is not it". But also, it will tell me about where I am standing in your heart compared to others because you will never say it to me. You will not say I love you or anything so I have to make deductions from your words. 

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

Kaya: That is stupid. What if you deduct wrong? 

Ruki: If I do, then it is my stupidity for not believing you every time you say you hate me. Please, tell me. 

Kaya: Oh you... Well, if you must know, all I give them is a couple of hours and sex. Nothing more nothing less. But you... I give you all. My time, I share my hobbies, my house...I even brought you here. I even give my body to you in ways that they will never have. You are the only one that can go condom-free. The toy... The way I always allow you to control it all. The bites... I... The blowjob... The VIP... And all the other things I kept locked away and now I keep pulling it out of the drawers for you to take. 

Ruki: So I do get quite a lot. You must love me so much. Not enough but still a lot.

Kaya: You are a dumb-dumb.

Ruki: Do I force you for it or is it something you do because you want to? 

Kaya: I can not help. No matter how hard I try... I see you, I see the way you look at me and I can not help.

She closed her eyes and sighed. 

Ruki: So you are essentially telling me that you like me a lot. I am glad to be your dumb-dumb.

Kaya pinched him in the arm but still chuckled.

Kaya: You are not making things easier for me. 

Ruki: It is not my place and you might not like to hear it. Why won't you stop with the whole thing? Stop with the dates. Stop holding back. I am not saying this for myself but more for you because it is obvious to me that you want more but you hold back and that hurts.

Kaya opened her eyes and turned her focus to the sky that was visible from the windows. Did she look hurt or was he imagining? 

"I am afraid", she said as if it was painful information to part with as if it was a part of her she was parting from. "It is not that I do not want to stop. I am just afraid Ruki.", she said again.

Ruki: What are you afraid of? 

Kaya turned around and laid on her back again and looked him in the eye.

Kaya: I do not want to have my heart broken again. I won't be able to put it back together this time.

Normally, if he had heard that sentence from another 27 something year old, he might have laughed. She was so young and even in his 30s, no matter how much he got hurt, he always wanted to try again. However, the pain in her eyes made it clear that she was serious about it. Who was it that broke her heart that badly? The guy in the picture? Then why would she keep his picture?

Ruki: Who broke your heart that badly?

Kaya: It was not one person. It was not one event necessarily. 

Ruki: Tell me.

Ruki put his head on Kaya's chest again and she started playing with his hair, she knew he liked it when she did that. 

Kaya: If I tell you, will you tell me about yours? 

Ruki: You think my heart is broken?

Kaya: I think it is broken as much as mine. The difference between you and me is that you want to continue trying because you are a helpless romantic. You keep pushing helplessly. But for me? I just want to lock my heart away. 

Ruki: Tell me.

Kaya took a deep breath. Ruki just continued laying on her chest feeling it move each time she took a breath and listened to her heartbeats.

Kaya: Fine. I have been mocked, lied to, cheated on, and the worst one... Used. These repeated many many times. It is a shitty thing here that men find sleeping with foreign women such an accomplishment. The number of times I believed in a guy thinking they really liked me only to find out they were telling about it all to their friends as if I was a new fancy car they bought. And each time, after each cheating, each liar, mocking and using, I stupidly opened my heart and gave my all again and again. Each time I loved someone with my whole heart, I ended up losing everything. In the end, I also lost my trust in others, in the words. After all, they were just words. Things they said and not meant, things they said only to forget. Then finally, I met someone that I loved with my everything and he also left. He just simply left, no cheating, no using, he just left. Each time I loved and I was loved I lost it and there was nothing left to me or of me. So, I am tired of mending my heart and telling myself, the next one will be better. I decided I do not want the next one. Maybe, it is my turn to just enjoy myself. 

"He just left" was the sentence that stayed with him the most. That was the guy on the picture, the one that simply left, he was sure of it. The guy she looked at with love in her eyes, happiness. From the picture, Ruki could say that the man was her whole world and nothing else mattered. She was not angry at him, she was just waiting. A part of him was aware of it, it has always known it but hearing it like that from her mouth made it clearer to him in a way that he could no longer ignore. 

Ruki: You are still waiting for him. The one that left. 

Kaya: I am not. 

Ruki: Yes you are. He is the guy in the picture next to your bed right? 

Kaya: You looked at it. 

Ruki: I did and I am not going to apologize if you are expecting it. I am painfully aware if he were to come back, you'd go with him without thinking. You'd walk away without hesitation.

Kaya: Only if he would...

Ruki: See?

Kaya: Why are you still here with me then? Why do you keep coming back if it pains you, knowing that I would leave, why? 

Ruki: I am told I am a hopeless romantic. And I am pretty sure I let it slip that I love you. 

She said nothing but shrugged. A tony shrug, barely visible but it was a shrug. Ruki wondered if she assumed he was just saying it as empty words. Has it been empty words for her all this time? Things she assumed he said because he wanted to keep seeing her or he wanted sex? 

Ruki: Wait... Do you think I am just saying it? 

She shrugged. Ruki raised his head to look at her. All these times he had said he loved her, she had never actually taken it in. 

Ruki: You do not believe me when I say it, do you? 

Kaya looked away, her grey eyes shone under the light coming in from the window. 

Ruki: Kaya, when I say that I love you. I mean it. I love you. 

Kaya shook her head.

Ruki: Kaya, look at me.

Kaya: Why would you love me? I torture you every day! I see the way you look at me, I see in your eyes you wait for me but I am afraid. I shake to my bones when I think of it. I can not move past him either. I am aware that I am torturing you every day. How can you really love a woman who does that to you?

She started crying and tried to hide her face. Ruki held her hand to stop her. Then he pressed her hand on his chest. 

Ruki: Look at me. I still fell in love with you knowing you go to other men, I still fell in love with you knowing you will walk away if he came back, I still fell in love with you knowing you will keep your heart locked away. But I still fell in love with you. I fell in love with the way you smile, the way you stand and think while playing or painting, the way you hum a melody while doing your thing. I fell in love with how gentle you are, how helpful you are. I fell in love with you because you realise it or not but you are there for me even though you only met me a while ago. 

Kaya tried to hide her face again. He had never seen her cry like this. He had heard her but he was not meant to see it. This time, she was crying openly in front of him and it broke his heart. He was not saying these to make her feel bad about herself or to hurt her. Ruki wiped away her tears.

Ruki: Please don't cry. Look, I told you I accepted the whole thing knowingly. You are not torturing me. It is me who wants to give his all Kaya, you do not have to give me your heart but I want to give you mine. Why don't you just take it? Crush it if you want but just believe me when I say I love you.

She bit her quivering lips trying to stop the tears, to keep her voice down and she shook her head silently.

Ruki: Say it. Will you believe me? Will you at least try? 

"I will. I will.", she whispered between her sobs. 

"Good, because Mrs Howard, I am in love with you, hopelessly in love with you.", said Ruki as he kissed her. Kaya wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back. 

Kaya: I will not break it Ruki, I will not break your heart. Also, I will not walk out on you. I promise you that. You have a free card to leave but I will not walk out on you for someone else. 

Ruki: Don't promise me that. I do not know your history with him but it is clear to me, you would go with him.

She looked him in the eye and her lips parted for a second as if she was about to say something but she changed her mind. There were things she did not want to part with yet. She shook her head, possibly to something she was thinking and she wiped the last teardrops off of her face. 

Then she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him down, he was not expecting it so he lost his balance and got pinned underneath her. She looked him in the eye as she climbed on him.

Kaya: I will not walk away with him, I promise you that. I promise you. I promised you I will never lie to you, so when I say I promise I will not walk over you with him, I mean it. 

Ruki: Kaya...

Kaya: I mean it. I really mean it. I do not want to break your heart.

Ruki sat up and hugged her.

Ruki: That is as close as you got to say "I love you", I think. 

She chuckled.

Kaya: I truly hate you for making me do this but... Can I sleep on your chest? 

Was that his heart that had skipped a beat or was it just him losing his breath? He did not think it a second and grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her down to lay on top of him. She giggled as she fell on top of him but did not resist or try getting up later on. Ruki listened to her breathing and played with her hairs carefully as she fell asleep on top of him. He did not want to sleep only to wake up and find that she was gone. He wanted to remember every second of it, her every inch in his arms. He really would not get a second chance to do this with her so he used this opportunity to try to memorise every inch of her body, to memorise what she looked like when she slept, her breathing, the twitching of her nose as she dreamt... He tried to memorise them all.


End file.
